To flip this around, if you say nothing, not only are you essentially alone in a situation where you absolutely should not be, you will legitimately be full of resentment, and he will have missed an opportunity to be there for the person he loves in a situation where you need him. In twenty years, he won't remember the work dinner, but he will remember having let you down.
I totally get that you want him to get it and do it on his own, and I also suspect being the slightly martyred wife who doesn't make a fuss or demands is a marital role you are used to (speaking from my own experience here ) and that it's very hard for you to say that you need him.
With a child you would think of this as a "teachable moment" and I think relationships sometimes need teachable moments too, where you both back off and examine your behaviour and shake yourself out of damaging but comfortable roles.
I put up with a lot of years of that kind of crap pre-A. My H was the absolute nicest, sweetest guy (in a profession well known for being full of assholes) anyone had ever met - except that his family was last priority in these kinds of situations. Post-A, he was determined to change that (and he did, with flying colours), but it took me a while to be able to easily accept that kind of giving.
And ((hugs)) on the GA. I had to have one a few years ago and was terrified, but they're actually very light now. I was awake and having some tea and biscuits (gotta love England ) 10 minutes after a 2 hour surgery.