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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Angry at husband
♀ Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((US)) I hope the surgery goes well. Take care.

WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
♀ Member
Member # 13581
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To flip this around, if you say nothing, not only are you essentially alone in a situation where you absolutely should not be, you will legitimately be full of resentment, and he will have missed an opportunity to be there for the person he loves in a situation where you need him. In twenty years, he won't remember the work dinner, but he will remember having let you down.

I totally get that you want him to get it and do it on his own, and I also suspect being the slightly martyred wife who doesn't make a fuss or demands is a marital role you are used to (speaking from my own experience here ) and that it's very hard for you to say that you need him.

With a child you would think of this as a "teachable moment" and I think relationships sometimes need teachable moments too, where you both back off and examine your behaviour and shake yourself out of damaging but comfortable roles.

I put up with a lot of years of that kind of crap pre-A. My H was the absolute nicest, sweetest guy (in a profession well known for being full of assholes) anyone had ever met - except that his family was last priority in these kinds of situations. Post-A, he was determined to change that (and he did, with flying colours), but it took me a while to be able to easily accept that kind of giving.

And ((hugs)) on the GA. I had to have one a few years ago and was terrified, but they're actually very light now. I was awake and having some tea and biscuits (gotta love England ) 10 minutes after a 2 hour surgery.

Me: BS, 40, Him: WS 41
Married: 15 years
3 children
D-Day: 10/2005

Posts: 1508 | Registered: Feb 2007
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The day after my 2nd dday my husband went to work. Had I been in better shape emotionally I would have taken that time to pack up all his crap.
He goes, and he's admitted this, that he goes to work to distract himself. He is very successful at it and its the thing he can take pride in.
Our marriage and what we both did to it- not so much....

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.

Posts: 5230 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Good luck tomorrow with the surgery.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 37970 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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