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We are done! Just contemplating how to tell her.

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Stevesn posted 6/29/2017 22:52 PM

I support otters post. I'm sure you do to.

Hurt2Deeply posted 6/30/2017 04:17 AM

You might want to have a VAR on you for after the sheriff leaves when you have your wife served. She will likely be upset and you don't want her to make any false charges to get you in trouble.

I am happy for you that you are so firm in your decision to D and you are looking forward to it so much.

God bless!


ohforanewme posted 6/30/2017 05:24 AM

So today is D Day (not Discovery but Divorce)

I dropped the kids off at the airport nice and early. They are so excited. Felt a tinge of guilt, knowing that the world that they come back to will be so different.

I took the day off work. I thought I had so much to do but it is all done now and wishing that I had something to keep myself busy with. I have 2 copies of the proposed settlement on the dining room table. With then are the contact details for the other top D Attorneys that Atr let me have. Below that is a print out of the hotel booking with the door key card (I have already checked her in). And next to that is a pair of scissors (to cut up the credit cards she still has in my name). I have placed a large vase of flower on the table. Not sure why I did that but it looks lovely.

I have taken all the suit cases out of the cupboards and left them in the entrance hall. For her to use to pack the things she needs for the hotel stay.

This morning I took her 2 closest friends for tea. I explained that I needed to ask them to do something that they might find very difficult. I explained that I knew that WW had confided in them about her A. I explained that I had given all I had to try and R but that I could not go on with that and that I would be informing WW this evening about my decision to D.

I needed to tell them now as I am sure that she is going to need the support of good friends to help her through the next few days and could I impose upon them to clear out their diaries and keep as much time open to spend with her as possible. I recognised that as good friends the minute they left our meeting they would feel a tremendous urge to call WW and tell her what was coming. I asked them to reflect on whether, if they were in the situation, who they would rather hear it from? A friend or their H? They agreed to leave it up to me but then be on standby to be there for her. They committed to keep their whole weekend open for her. They asked about the kids and if there was anything that they could do for me. I shared with them what I had in place for the kids and thought that after what I had survived I would be just fine.

They stood up from the table and began to walk away, said something to each other and then came back to me. They told me how much they admired me and the way that I had handled everything. That when they found out about the A they were furious with WW for “buggering up something far better than any of us had, up”. They were furious at her for the damage that her A would still do to their marriages. They confirmed that they had not told their Hs about the A but they knew that when the Hs find out their H’s will look at them with suspicion and some of the trust in their M would be lost. Who is to say that, if WW is capable of such a heinous crime, that they would not be too? I got a massive hug form each of them and all 3 of us turned on the waterworks big time again. I’m getting quite used to being a wuss in public.

I have used my time today to book 2 early morning IC sessions with MC2 for WW for next week (One Wednesday, one Friday). It will be her choice if she want to make use of them but at least the slots will be there. I have booked 3 for the children for the week after.

Over here a D is triggered by one of the parties in the marriage issuing a summons to the other party. Unfortunately it has to be served by the sheriff of the court. I would have preferred to have started with just a one on one between her and me. Atr has arranged that the Sheriff will come to our home this afternoon and wait with me until she arrives home. Hand her the summons and then leave immediately so that we can talk.

Have I forgotten something? Don’t know, but now we wait.

I wish that I did not have all this time on my hands. Feeling bored I listened to the recording of AP2 on the phone with me. My!, he is a disgusting creature. I said that half of the call was just him hurling profanities at me and telling me what a low life I was. Forgive me! Who was F*cking whose wife? He has a fixation with the female anatomy. Take any of the words, smelly, putrid, oozing, withered, infected dried out, deformed, infested, maggot, fungal and so on. Repeatedly jumble them up and after the jumble, when you get a new string of words, then at the end, just insert one of the demeaning words used for the female genitalia, scream it out, and the start again, this time inserting the next demeaning word for that part of the anatomy. For more than 30 minutes this is all he did to describe what a low life I was. And in between he inserts those gems that I shared with you, plus a whole lot more that I had forgotten about when I gave you the first call update. Won’t be doing that again soon.

Through meeting all manner of nationality through extensive travel, I had come to the conclusion that Canadians were my favourite people. Always genteel, civil in every encounter, slightly retiring, but always polite. I am sorry, he has just rewritten the perception of “Brand Canada” in my head.

folio44 posted 6/30/2017 05:55 AM

I can only wish you strength and courage on this day and moving forward, you accomplished so much recently in your planning, I don't think anyone could have done better.

Stevesn posted 6/30/2017 06:22 AM

Glad you thought to get her support. You are a good man.

Hugs to both of you today.

Good luck with this big step.

Mrhealed posted 6/30/2017 06:37 AM


Good luck!

wordsofwisdom posted 6/30/2017 08:13 AM

Oh, I felt so deeply touched by your story. One thing you should consider is that your wife might refuse to leave. What will you do? Leave yourself? Also, you have arranged a support circle for her and for your children, but what did you arrange for yourself? Think about it, it's not too late to call a close friend and ask if you can stay with him tonight. You will need this support tonight and within a coming few days.

DIFM posted 6/30/2017 08:22 AM

You've done everything right. Great example for others. I am guessing your wife has some idea this is coming.

twisted posted 6/30/2017 08:27 AM

Indifference is the strength to get us through the many days after discovery.

If you've got to the point if indifference, you're half way home. When it doesn't matter if she leaves or stays, that means you have seen the reality from a perspective you can be rational and objective. It is, what it is. That's a good place to start.

I’m getting quite used to being a wuss in public.

That shows empathy and emotional depth, something some people are incapable of experiencing.

I said that half of the call was just him hurling profanities at me and telling me what a low life I was. Forgive me! Who was F*cking whose wife?

He was a wounded and cornered animal, scared and lashing out in defence. Stay indifferent, see it for what it is,..fear.

You are doing as well as anyone could have expected. Stay the course and good luck tonight.
If she sees the sheriff's car, do you think she just drive right on by?

Sanibelredfish posted 6/30/2017 08:36 AM

Your planning is admirable, ohfor. Especially, for your STBXW. However, like other posters have said, even though you've been through your darkest night already don't forget to take care of yourself after this stressful event.

I hope the conversation this evening goes as smooth as possible.

MidnightRun posted 6/30/2017 08:57 AM

Just read the post.


MidnightRun posted 6/30/2017 09:03 AM

Emotional renewal, exacting execution.
This thread will be an assest for tens of thousands--for years to come.

Thanks, and all the very best.

TimelessLoss posted 6/30/2017 09:29 AM

Ohforanewme = Lionhearted

StillStanding1 posted 6/30/2017 09:59 AM

Keeping you in my thoughts today. You've handled this with compassion and grace. Be kind to yourself after this. Wishing you all the best.

NeverAgain99 posted 6/30/2017 12:52 PM

Sending positive thoughts your way, way over there in SA. A very favorite country of mine.

MidnightRun posted 6/30/2017 14:36 PM

Rooting for you.

Your journey--and its myriad developments--is a textbook example on how to navigate treachery and heartbreak.

I wished I had taken a similar approach.

Kudos again.

StopSpinning posted 6/30/2017 15:23 PM

Ohforanewme Thinking of you! A good man deserving of peace and respect.

Clapping for you and the way in which you've conducted yourself.

Sharkman posted 6/30/2017 22:00 PM

It's going to suck tonight but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Rooting for ya bud

lostmyreligion posted 6/30/2017 22:30 PM

As a Canadian I will tell you that you're a true inspiration sir.

Your grace under duress beggars comparison.

lostmyreligion posted 6/30/2017 23:35 PM

And if I met the prick, I'd pull his jersey over his head and feed him a train.

Then again, after what you've dealt him, I think he'd barely feel it.

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