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We are done! Just contemplating how to tell her.

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free2016 posted 9/21/2017 14:19 PM

I have never posted in your thread, English is not my first language and therefore I could not add much to what other people said already, but I read all your posts starting from the very first one, followed the whole thread and I am so happy for you!
I wish that one day I would have the same courage to go on my quest for freedom and happiness. Thanks for setting an example,
Best wishes to you in a new life!

ohforanewme posted 9/21/2017 14:37 PM

Hi Stevesn

She kept trying to tell me that it was still not too late. I could still have what I had loved in my life. Even after the stamps and official signatures she said that she knew a life with me as her husband was still in her future. She is never going to stop working on that.

I think that that is part of why I just had to get out of there to somewhere where she would not think to look for me. Also most probably why I left my phone on silent and did not want to look at it.

free2016 one thing you never need to apologise for is the standard of your English. It is excellent. Thankyou for the kind words.


MidnightRun posted 9/21/2017 14:45 PM

"I am human again."

--So happy for you!

Odonna posted 9/21/2017 14:52 PM

O4, now I understand your post yesterday in another forum about her "novel" and refusal to say whether she was going to court. She planned out every move, which makes me want to puke also.

Seriously, you need to block her phone number. No more thrice-daily messages of manipulation. If there are kid-related missives maybe J the au pair would agree to be an intermediary.

Fly free!

MidnightRun posted 9/21/2017 15:12 PM

Oh,

Quick question.

Did ex display this level of narcissism in other areas of her life?

If so, she's headed for more falls than she can count.

twisted posted 9/21/2017 15:18 PM

ohfor, You should write for a living, I laughed out loud, I smiled, I sighed. Happy ending.

Don't be a stranger.

ohforanewme posted 9/21/2017 15:24 PM

MidnightRun

It has always been easy for her to get exactly what she wanted in every sphere of her life.

She was that stereotypical cold hearted leader of the pack of the cool in girls at school. The one girl on campus that everyone recognised even when she forgot the names of those who were supposed to be her friends. She shot up the ranks in business.

I suppose I fed into that a bit. Built her a nice home , in the right neighbourhood, a successful husband. Lots of international travel to chat about with the ladies at the golf club.

This is now the first thing in her life that is not going her way. I guarantee you that if I became week and caved and went back to her, she would dump me in a week. She would have won her prize and it would then be her's to discard


nothisfriend posted 9/21/2017 15:41 PM

I'm happy for you and I'm sorry at the same time. Thankfully the business part is over and now you can just breathe the air of freedom and look forward to your future life.

leftbroken posted 9/21/2017 16:34 PM

Ohfor:

I remember not to long ago, I was sitting in an office at work talking with someone when one of our old colleagues waltzed into the room.

Now I say old colleagues because he had taken a new position with a different company a couple years prior and was just dropping in for a visit.

Before he had left our place of employment he had been have marital struggles (not infidelity related) and was in the early stages of separation at his prompting, and starting the process of divorce, again his choice.

Well after sitting down and opening with polite pleasantries and small talk, he announced that his divorce was now complete as of about a month ago, all the papers signed, the documents notarized, the financials settled and like that, it's over.

Now the fellow that I had originally been talking to chimes in with a quick congratulations and then inquires if he had thrown a party to celebrate the finalization of the divorce. His response has stuck with me to this day, it went something like this:

I never realized just how unhappy I was until I was given a chance to be happy, and now I am. Did I throw a party, no, I didn't throw a party, I couldn't I was to sad. Despite the misery of my marriage for the last 5 or so years and the struggles that we went through, there were still a lot of good years too. The divorce finalization didn't just end the misery it ended the good too. It didn't invalidate all of my history but it announced to me and all the world that some of the happiest times of my life were now a mistake, 25 years of my life were washed away with the stroke of a pen, breaking the bond and continuity of my life. So no, I didn't throw a party, I went home and I mourned the death of what should have been.

Sanibelredfish posted 9/21/2017 19:10 PM

Ohfor, I've been thinking about your XW's texting, and you've provided a key piece of the puzzle.

It has always been easy for her to get exactly what she wanted in every sphere of her life...

This is now the first thing in her life that is not going her way. I guarantee you that if I became week and caved and went back to her, she would dump me in a week. She would have won her prize and it would then be her's to discard.

You've got her figured out; it's all about winning for her. I think you knew this even in your first post. I won't lie, she kind of gives me the creeps.

Jduff posted 9/21/2017 23:43 PM

My life has been so happy over these past few weeks it is as if to me she never even existed.  It is as if 2PP just dropped into my life by some blessed miracle.

Boy, do I ever relate to this. On top of that my oldest is a spitting image of me while my youngest is a clone of my biological father. I can't help but think I would have had my boys with any other woman in the world....so why in the hell did I pick my XW!?!?

Welcome to your new beginning, ohfor. NB's usually start with some bitterness but it gets sweeter as time passes.

[This message edited by Jduff at 11:44 PM, September 21st (Thursday)]

Jduff posted 9/21/2017 23:43 PM

DBL post

[This message edited by Jduff at 11:44 PM, September 21st (Thursday)]

SuperDaddy1027 posted 9/25/2017 11:14 AM

My life has been so happy over these past few weeks it is as if to me she never even existed. It is as if 2PP just dropped into my life by some blessed miracle.

I’m approaching 1 year since Dday (a few more months) but I think the same exact thing. It’s almost like the marriage with WW was just a dream. It seems like it’s always been me DS and DD. I enjoy cooking for all 3 of us (maybe a new hobby) Got my own place (I can play music as loud as I want) and if friends invite me out for a beer (assuming I don’t have the kids) I don’t have to “check in” first (I can do whatever the hell I want)

I think I’m much like Oh4. Although this was a tragic event, I havent been this happy in a LONG time. I miss the companionship and I miss my kids terribly when they aren’t with me, but when they are I make every second count! I wouldn’t have gotten through this shit show without my kids! They are my ROCK!
Even my anger towards WW has faded. Another huge weight lifted. I just don’t care anymore. I’m doing me, and kiving my life for me and my kids. And thats all that matters anymore!

ohforanewme posted 10/30/2017 10:21 AM


I am hoping that you good souls might allow me to give a brief update. Not relating to me this time, but rather to OBS2. We don’t speak often anymore but do just touch base from time to time to see how the other is doing.

She has become quite the accomplished traveller.

Her first trip out of the country in her life, was to Disney World. A lifelong dream of hers. The next was to see some show in NYC at some venue she has always dreamed of visiting, and then to eat a hotdog from an NYC cart. Next came one to San Francisco and a visit to Alcatraz. As I understand it, many years ago there was some movie about it and the lead actor was a hunk that she secretly swooned over. Just wanted to visit to feel the connection again.

Her next planned trip is to NYC over December. Her aim is to skate on all the open-air ice rinks in the city. I would imagine that being Canadian, she will be an accomplished skater.

For me the news I enjoyed the most is that she has been invited to “quite a few” dinners with one of the “more mature” dentists from the practice that she works for.

What is it we all say? The best revenge is finding our true happiness without them! Boy, is she getting some sweet revenge there.

Greeneyesbluezy posted 10/30/2017 11:41 AM

Oh for,

I wouldn’t even give a second thought to your X’s travels.

She lost here. A loving husband, two amazing kids.

No destination in the world can compare to that.

I’ll take my kids love and respect over any “dream” vacation. And, you have that in spades :)

Hotdog posted 10/30/2017 11:41 AM

Good for her! I'm glad that she is living her life. What about you? Is you xWW still sending you daily texts or trying to insert herself back into your world?

ohforanewme posted 10/30/2017 11:59 AM

Hi Greeneyesbluezy

I might have communicated badly, it is OBS that is doing all this exciting travel not XWW.

Hotdog, in terms of XWW trying to insert herself back into my life I took the advice of Odonna and blocked her on everything of mine and now all communication about anything but especially the kids is through J the au pair. Working like a charm. NC = no new hurt. Now sometimes when J drops DS at her place J might stay for a cup of coffee and a chat. J says that she seems to be making some friends in the townhouse estate and on occasion there has been a friendly drop in. After the last time J fetched DS she mentioned to me that XWW had asked her if she thought that there would ever come a time that I would allow her to attend Friday night family suppers again. Apparently she misses a lot of things about what her life was, but she misses those more than anything. I am certainly not close to that point yet.

As for me, I think I might just be the happiest I have ever been in my life. I have friends, actual, genuine friends. Quite a few of them in fact.

Shockedmom posted 10/30/2017 12:08 PM

I followed your update correctly. It seems you are both happier and enjoying the freedom of a life without infidelity.

So happy to read this update. Your journey into healing was swift, I admire your ability to reach out and grab happiness and normalcy.

ohforanewme posted 10/30/2017 12:08 PM

Oh and yes Greeneyesbluezy

A loving husband, two amazing kids.

No destination in the world can compare to that.

I’ll take my kids love and respect over any “dream” vacation. And, you have that in spades :)

With that, I could not agree more. That is a large part of where that all that happy comes from.

Stevesn posted 10/30/2017 12:14 PM

OhFor

Glad to hear both updates. Keep Friday nights for you, XW gave those up when she decided she needed more than just all of you (and chose the APs Instead) as her family.

Is DD talking to her yet? If not it’s understandable.

As for OBS2, let her know that I just came back from NYC yesterday and the cute shops around the skating rink at Bryant Park behind the library are up and in full swing. That’s my favorite outdoor rink in the city.

Take care.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 12:15 PM, October 30th (Monday)]

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