SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Wayward Side

LyraM posted 10/25/2017 02:51 AM

Today something happened at work that totally shock me. A male coworker and fellow soccer fan of my BS fell through the glasdoor. I have no idea how exactly he accomplished that. He was bleeding but wanted to be taken to the hospital by one of us—not the Ambulance. I called the ambulance anyway, fearing that the damage seen was just the tip of the iceberg and feeling queasy from the blood. Another coworker and I stayed until the ambulance came. I sent a message to my BS and the coworker went on the ambulance with the injured. I drove to the home address of the injured and got a hold of his wife. I drove her to the hospital and went home. Only then it hit me that not once did I think about the vow I gave after Dday to never drive alone With a male other than family. The only think. I was thinking of was the fact that I felt unable to drive an injured for fear of nerves. And the fact that the visible injuries were most likely not the only ones.
I told my BS as much. He told me that anything else would have worried him, he was glad that my priorities were straight and I called him. The wife of the injured visited us later that day and brought a cake. Her husband will most likely make a good recovery soon.

But it still bugs me that I did no think about my BS during the whole thing. Would I have taken a coworker that was not as visible injured regardless of my promises? No. But does my BS know this? Would he trust me?

[This message edited by LyraM at 2:55 AM, October 25th (Wednesday)]

Kalma posted 10/25/2017 05:53 AM

I don't see a stop sign so I will post here. I say that promise to not drive with someone of the opposite gender should not apply during an emergency. Although I agree that you should not have driven the coworker to the hospital with him bleeding heavily, I still think if there was some kind of disaster or emergency you should still give someone a ride to safety regardless of their gender. The last thing on your mind in such a situation would be the mashing of genitals IMO.

Candyman66 posted 10/25/2017 06:07 AM

I agree with Kalma, an emergency trumps all else. If there is a case when emergency is life threatening then you do what you need to do to save a life!!!

I mean seriously, how would you feel if your husband died because someone else had that rule??? I mean if he was seriously injured (or god forbid had a stroke) where medical help was critical to survival or possible medical recovery then YOU DO WHAT IS NECESSARY!!! If he has a problem with that then he is not someone I would even want to know.

If time is not critical then your current response is a good one. JMO YMMV

thatbpguy posted 10/25/2017 09:15 AM

You did the right thing.

And your BS understands this. All is good.

Sananman posted 10/25/2017 09:34 AM

Agree with the folks above... cut yourself some slack on this one. My fww also has vowed to never be alone with other men... but even I (and I am about as a zero tolerance hardass uncompromising person as you can find) would not be bothered by this. You did the right thing.

Lostinthehills posted 10/25/2017 16:51 PM

Agree, you did the right thing and when you realized
it you told your BH. GOOD JOB!!

LivingWithPain posted 10/26/2017 16:52 PM

A B.H. here:

You did good. Nothing wrong with focusing on the task at hand. You had an emergency situation, you kept your head, and you did the right thing. Your husband can't fault you for that.

And you did good getting hold of him and telling him afterwards. So don't kick yourself.

DaddyDom posted 10/26/2017 19:25 PM

I agree with the others, and I will take it one step further. Not only did you do the right thing in saving the injured person, and also in telling your BS, but I think the biggest accomplishment here is simply the fact that, after all this passed, you are going back and questioning yourself, your motives, your actions, and holding yourself accountable to all of those things.

In my personal opinion, the "no being in a car with another male" rule seems like a prophylactic of sorts. The rule probably exists because you cannot be trusted to do the right thing. In other words, you are the same person with the same vulnerabilities, and so the rule serves as protection from your nature and poor choices.

What you did today was something that represents change. You showed empathy, compassion, responsibility, thought of your husband, of the injured person, and most of all, thought of the consequences of your actions and how they would affect those around you. You didn't act out of selfishness, you put the needs of others before your own, perhaps even to your own detriment. And even though your husband acknowledged and approved of your decisions and actions, you still are "owning" your choices, and making an effort to reflect on them and analyze them so that you can learn from them, and verify that what you did was the right thing to do, the right way to feel, the right way to think.

While I cannot speak for your husband or any other BS's, I would think that this is what most would want to see in their WS's. Anyone can follow a rule, doing so does not make you a safer or healthier person to be around. During your affair, you did not consider other people, the outcomes, the consequences. You acted selfishly instead, and did not own your actions.

Today, by reflecting back on your choices and actions, and by discussing those thoughts and actions both with your husband and with friends (SI) I think you have demonstrated change. Actions being louder than words and all. You took ownership of your choices, and took steps to make sure they were the right ones. And had they not been, I get the impression that you would have made changes to yourself for the future so that you would get it right next time. So... brava. It's just my personal opinion, but I think this was a really good day for you.