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New Beginnings :
1st anniversary after divorce

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 BFos (original poster member #56868) posted at 4:38 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

Would have been 26 years, kinda low today.

ME:BH 49
XWW : 46
MARRIED:25 YRS
DIVORCED
1 SON, 18
DDAY #1: SEPT 17, 2016
DDAY #2: NOV 14,2016 (our 25th anniversary)

posts: 264   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2017   ·   location: Corpus Christi, Texas
id 8023660
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MakingMyFuture ( member #43530) posted at 5:00 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

Hang in there, it gets easier...really.

Make today about you. Go to the gym, spend time with friends. If you need to, fill the time with a good movie you have been waiting to see. It can be a time of reflection and healing. Remember that there is still the YOU to celebrate. Today you loved a person. You opened your heart. You made a commitment and you upheld your beliefs, were true to yourself and were INVESTED. Did you get hurt, yes. But you know you are capable of real love and commitment which is more than many people. And you know your integrity is real and you know that the memories you had over the years that were joyful of the relationship were real for you and are your true memories and history. . And guess what, even if the person you invested in wasn’t worth it and hurt you...that doesn’t change the good parts amd also doesn’t change

That you survived.

In case it helps, I struggled a lot with my first anniversary. There were a ton of tears. I couldn’t believe where my life had ended up and I was crushed for the lost future and wrecked memories.

The second one I felt anger and some sadness and frankly annoyance.

By the third, the day actually came and went and I was shocked that I sort of missed it. I had spent so much time and energy building a new life that I live that it was like remembering a dating anniversary from my high school boyfriend or the anniversary of my college graduation. More like “oh yeah...wasn’t today...?!?”I’m sorry for rambling.

Just know that I’ll be thinking of you today and sending you virtual hugs.

When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

BW: 43 (me) WH: 42 (him)
DD-13, DS-11
DDay 1 = 1/13, DDay2 = 7/14 (False R), D 4/15

posts: 1128   ·   registered: May. 25th, 2014   ·   location: SoCal
id 8023685
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 BFos (original poster member #56868) posted at 5:35 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

Thank you for your encouragement, the lost future and wrecked memories are what hurt today.

ME:BH 49
XWW : 46
MARRIED:25 YRS
DIVORCED
1 SON, 18
DDAY #1: SEPT 17, 2016
DDAY #2: NOV 14,2016 (our 25th anniversary)

posts: 264   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2017   ·   location: Corpus Christi, Texas
id 8023722
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Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 5:54 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

The first anniversary after my D would have been the 25th. I thought I was all moved on, but I spent a good portion of the day in bed crying. I only allowed myself to wallow for one day and then I got on with life.

Now, 12 years later, I don't even notice the date.

Give yourself permission to grieve and then get up and get going.

Sending strength and peace.

NL

Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

posts: 8471   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2005
id 8023736
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 BFos (original poster member #56868) posted at 6:03 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

Think the wwx feels anything?

ME:BH 49
XWW : 46
MARRIED:25 YRS
DIVORCED
1 SON, 18
DDAY #1: SEPT 17, 2016
DDAY #2: NOV 14,2016 (our 25th anniversary)

posts: 264   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2017   ·   location: Corpus Christi, Texas
id 8023745
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Isthereanyhope ( member #53948) posted at 6:26 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

She’s definitely thinking of it too. She can’t not be. But you shouldn’t dwell on that, take care of yourself.

And I totally understand mourning the lost future. That’s what we all really miss, I think. Our lives were traveling down a path and the path was going to go on forever. And it was a nice path. And then all of the sudden, out of the blue, the path ends. And we have to get off the path and go a different direction. And we’d have no idea where the other paths lead or which is the right one to go down. It’s very scary and unsettling.

I took the kids out for a very fancy and expensive dinner on my 1st anniversary after the split. We had a great time and it’s was very nice. We didn’t celebrate the anniversary, we celebrated ourselves. Can you do something like that? If not with family then with friends? It really helped me and hopefully it’ll help make it easier for your too.

Me- MH
Him- MH
Together 20 years (married 18)
Divorced!!!

posts: 205   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2016
id 8023770
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TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 6:42 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

Just know that even though you will have a sad day, that it does get easier as time passes. I know that doesn't help a lot today, but one day it will. I have been D'd for 2yrs and I actually forgot about it this year until a few days later. (((HUGS)))

XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

posts: 10077   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Texas
id 8023787
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 BFos (original poster member #56868) posted at 10:22 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

Trying hard to not text her...

ME:BH 49
XWW : 46
MARRIED:25 YRS
DIVORCED
1 SON, 18
DDAY #1: SEPT 17, 2016
DDAY #2: NOV 14,2016 (our 25th anniversary)

posts: 264   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2017   ·   location: Corpus Christi, Texas
id 8024004
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Isthereanyhope ( member #53948) posted at 1:39 AM on Wednesday, November 15th, 2017

Stay strong. My ex texted me happy anniversary on our first one after the split. It was pretty awkward and I responded that we probably shouldn’t be celebrating that day anymore... I know it’s rough you’ll get through it. I’m not sure if this interests you but journaling can help. I still have my notes from the split last year that remind me how far I’ve come and what I put up with in the early days. It really helps for healing (in my opinion).

Me- MH
Him- MH
Together 20 years (married 18)
Divorced!!!

posts: 205   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2016
id 8024173
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 BFos (original poster member #56868) posted at 12:32 PM on Wednesday, November 15th, 2017

I did not text, helped just writing it here., guess I was doing a little pain shopping.

ME:BH 49
XWW : 46
MARRIED:25 YRS
DIVORCED
1 SON, 18
DDAY #1: SEPT 17, 2016
DDAY #2: NOV 14,2016 (our 25th anniversary)

posts: 264   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2017   ·   location: Corpus Christi, Texas
id 8024419
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Isthereanyhope ( member #53948) posted at 2:24 PM on Wednesday, November 15th, 2017

I’m glad you didn’t text her. And I guarantee she noticed the lack of a text, not that it makes a difference. We all pain shop, it’s human nature. You will get to the point of “meh”- it truly just does take time. I had an epiphany a few weeks ago- this isn’t where I would have chosen to be right now but this is my life and I can shape it into anything I want it to be. It’s a long road but you’ll be just fine in the end. Have faith.

Me- MH
Him- MH
Together 20 years (married 18)
Divorced!!!

posts: 205   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2016
id 8024487
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