Background, I am traveling to a city for a job interview. I emailed my Spouse to let her know that I was going to be traveling through:
BS,
Today I was informed that I was selected to interview for a position at XXXX. I am one of three Candidates to get this opportunity. I will be traveling starting tomorrow because I will be driving and my interview is on Tuesday. I was reaching out to you to see if you would be willing to meet with me late Saturday afternoon or Sunday? I would like an opportunity to talk to you, but I will not overstep your boundaries (which is email only). I would appreciate if you would tell me one way or another if you would be willing to meet. I hope you are, but if not I will understand.
I love you and hope that you are willing to at least talk as I pass through on my way to XXX.
WS
-----Message-----
WS,
I saw this email yesterday morning. I woke up from a dream about infidelity and when I looked at my phone, this email was waiting. I have thought a lot about my response. I cannot put into words how wracked with anxiety I am. I wish that we could meet. But I cannot. I feel, truly, like I am barely functioning as it is. I am sorry for my long silence, but I am just trying to hold everything together. I wish you well on your long drive. I hope that the roads are clear. We have had a lot of bad weather lately. Yesterday, there was a two hour snow delay. I also wish you luck on your interview.
Some of the questions you have posed have centered around taxes and counseling. I am fine filing jointly, as I think it will be financially advantageous. I do not have my W-2. I will find out what I need to do to get it. I do not want to do couples counseling. I feel like I have a lot of my own stuff to work on. In April I will have the ability to seek my own therapy. Right now I can't make it to XXX for appointments and there is no one in YYY that I am interested in seeing. The knowledge that I have been lied to and gaslit for, virtually, our entire marriage is overwhelming and disorienting. I am working through it as best I can.
I have received the packages you have sent--thank you. I still have some of your mail that came here during the deployment. I will get them in the mail soon.
BS
---------- I am really hurt and confused ---------
I lied to my wife, and everyone else in my life for my over use of pornography. I am completely shocked and I feel like my soul and heart were dropped in Acid, if she believes that I was gaslighting her. I know that she is really hurt, and I am not trying to be defensive. I acknowledge that this is her reality. I just cannot seem to understand how she would believe that I gaslit her? Can someone help me to understand...is this just a feeling that all BS feel?
[This message edited by liegenbrewer77 at 6:00 PM, January 13th (Saturday)]