SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Divorce/Separation

LifeCanSuck posted 3/28/2018 08:55 AM

Hit 10K in lawyer fees.

All that was done?

Filed complaint, awaited answer, counterclaimed, filed financial disclosure, began discovery, schedule MESP, argued back and forth with STBXW and her cheap lawyer, had one 4way conference, back and forth on settlememt again, and finally signed and enforced an MSA.

What I got? Basically what I've established and have been doing for a while. 50/50 custody, every other week parenting time, and my dog and a few household things. What she got?
Damn near everything in our house, and CS as well as alimony.

The system has gotten better, but men, you still have to fight for your rights. What a headache.

She eventually (after a combined 13K) came to her senses and we finished settlement and awaiting final trial. (We could of continued and spent another 20K easily). Also, now we are working pretty well together co parenting our boys (now that the nasty stuff is out of the way). Good times.

IslandGirl4418 posted 3/28/2018 10:18 AM

Sorry. That's a bitter pill to swallow.

Simplicity posted 3/28/2018 10:35 AM

Sure, it's easy to blow thru your retainer. And with every delay my STBX makes, it just keeps racking up. Well it sounds like you made your 10k worth it, at least!

ohforanewme posted 3/28/2018 10:43 AM

Hi LifeCanSuck

Yip, your screen name pretty much says it all.

Just another awful cost from the A. Something we had no choice in.

My D cost me considerably more that that but then I did have the best lawyer in town. Probably the country.

I choose to look at it as a one time cost for future happiness. From that perspective, it seems like a bit of a bargain.

I mean, I took the family to Disney for a holiday some time back. From our part of the world, the costs add up. That trip cost the equivalent of 10k.

Planing a Europe trip in December to share with them the magic of a cold weather Christmas and Christmas markets. We will be looking at an equivalent of over 20k.

Getting the thorn out of my side permanently brings me more lasting joy than either of the trips.

Hope that your eventual outcome brings you as much joy as mine has me.

ninon posted 3/28/2018 11:38 AM

This is going to be me soon too. I’m sorry!

squid posted 3/28/2018 13:02 PM

Damn.

A friend of mine just got done divorcing her WH. She ended up paying 15K. At least she's lucky that he'll be leaving the country for good in a couple of months so she won't have to deal with his narc ass.

LifeCanSuck posted 3/28/2018 17:17 PM

Definitely bitter pill to swallow for sure.

At first it was amicable, but I had to deal with not only an entitled STBX, but the incompetence of her rookie lawyer as well. This guy couldn't even get the basics right after several revisions costing me several thousand.

At the end of the day, I've gotten "fair" (considering all that I've been through and over 1K a month in support I am to pay). Her excuse, "you chose to divorce me" "you chose to do this now" oh and my favorite one as to why, since I actually was the residential custodian since seperation, she wanted to be named the primary physical custodian and caregiver, "because it's easier."

It was a wild ride with many lows but the agreement is signed, now just have to wait for the final hearing.

Yes it was worth it because I want nothing more to divorce her, but now that we are being cool and working as a team, there's a little resentment for all she's put me through. I'm still finding it hard to detach do to our kids but it's a work in progress.

SuperDaddy1027 posted 3/28/2018 18:27 PM

Mine was fairly cheap. $6K. XWW never hired a lawyer but offered to pay for half of the cost to actually divorce (a whopping $400!) I know I’m very lucky. From Dday to Divorce finalized it was 15 months. From the time I hired a lawyer (bc she wasn’t going to do the dirty work) until it was final a little over 6 months . In my state you have to be separated for 1 year. No paperwork required. So it wasn’t worth paying a lawyer until the house sold bc the kids and I stayed in the house every night until it sold. XWW rented a place and paid half our marital house mortgage until it sold. We were amicable in splitting the profits from the marital house and she let me take most of the personal items from the house. The stuff she took or wanted I really had no interest in.

It sucks but I’m so thankful it’s over. Yes it was worth it but I didn’t even want the D she did, but she didn’t want to do anything about it to make it official.

A girl I dated for a few months had well over $ 40k in lawyer fees. It was an ugly divorce. I’m just glad XWW didn’t drag her feet on anything.

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 6:32 PM, March 28th (Wednesday)]

homewrecked2011 posted 3/28/2018 20:38 PM

From my point of view, I lost 65,000 a year bc my xh cheated, then left us.

But it's worth every damn dollar I lost bc I do not have to look at his lying, cheating face every day.

Try to get your kids every single time your x doesn't want them. Go to every one of their events/practices, and if they are little, volunteer at their school, or eat lunch w them. Do not give up any week of visitation, even if they grumble. (Some states even call it parenting time). You cannot believe how rewarding it is to know I was there for them every time xh was busy with something else. When their Dad tried to encroach on my visitation time, I shut it down from day 1. You do the same. If its your night, don't let your xw take that from you.

They totally appreciate my dedication now that they are almost grown.

It's a feeling so great I don't even miss the 65000 a year he brought into our house. It's well worth the peaceful and tranquil life.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 8:41 PM, March 28th (Wednesday)]

LifeCanSuck posted 3/28/2018 20:54 PM

All good things to hear.

1st DDay was 27 Oct 2015. Here I am 2 plus years later.

When this divorced is finalized, I'm sure I'll feel a weight lifted.

Although, recently she flipped the switch, and we have been able to be good teammates parenting our boys.

Good point homewrecked, and I will try my best to be there for them every chance I get.

She's found that being a single mom isn't all that is cut out to be.

Cheatee posted 3/29/2018 06:38 AM

Whoever said no one wins in a divorce has forgotten about the lawyers.

Condolences, LCS. I just lumped in the lawyers fees to the overall losses totalling around $200K US. That's not counting the tens of thousands of dollars she was supposed to be putting into the "college fund" that somehow never made it there.

Unrelated, her boyfriend had declared bankruptcy, was deeply in debt and needed money to pay for his opiate addiction.

Totally unrelated.