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True O.L.D. profile

taken4granted posted 3/29/2018 06:56 AM

So for fun (and maybe a little therapy), I wrote out what would be my STBXH's online dating profile. At least it would be the way that I saw him. I would put it here, but honestly, he still stalks me everywhere and would probably go running to his lawyer with it. So for fun (and maybe a little therapy), what would all of you write about your X or STBX? (I'll give you a hint on mine, he was looking for a new mom.)

ohforanewme posted 3/29/2018 09:02 AM

Hi Taken

This is such a fun though. I am sitting in the waiting room of a maxifillio surgeon. No fun. And Needed some distraction. This did the trick. Don't have the time to think out one and write it up now.

At a low point I wrote one out for myself and shared it on SI. The one of the kind members took it. Tweaked it just a little and changed its tone completely.

This is going to be so much more fun

josiep posted 3/29/2018 09:27 AM

It no longer applies since the A and subsequent D but XWH used to have a sign hanging on his workbench in the basement that read something like this:

Wanted: A good woman who's in good shape, cute, likes to fish and has a boat. Please send a picture of the boat.

The sad thing is, that really was him until his depression and dry drunk took over.

Cephastion posted 3/29/2018 18:15 PM

Sooooo does this mean that you liked the clips I sent?

It sure does SOUND like maybe I hit the nail on the head, at least!

Which one of the babies in that AWFUL thing is he? Or am I wrong/way off base there?

[This message edited by Cephastion at 6:24 PM, March 29th (Thursday)]

Snapdragon posted 3/29/2018 19:34 PM

Name: Strprlvr

Seeking: Strippers (or wannabes) willing to hero-worship me while I pretend you really want me and not just the contents of my wallet. If you have "daddy issues" I'm just the guy for you! Must have no actual sexual needs of your own and have your soul focus be on my needs. Don't worry. It won't take long.

Age preference: 18-35 [he is 60]

Body type: Surgically enhanced

Education: High school graduate preferred but GED is fine, too. Oh, hell... I don't care! The dumber the better!

Hobbies: Taking selfies with me that I can post on Facebook to make me look like a stud.

taken4granted posted 3/29/2018 20:40 PM

Snapdragon - I'm sure that would fit many of our X's. Thanks for the laugh.

Cephastion posted 3/29/2018 21:14 PM

I can take those profile pic concept gif's off of my post, if you'd prefer, Taken.

I thought maybe they were echoing your sentiments somewhat. If you feel like they are too much, too showy, or way off base, then I don't want to be unfair to him or to you.

I'm not usually quite so blunt with my disgust with other people's spouses, really, but that guy...he really sends a certain "vibe"...

kinda like a screeching cat vainly slowing its decent by scraping a chalkboard with its claws as it goes invariably down, down, down against its d'ruthers into a circling, tornadic, liqueous mass of human waste in the open, swirling, draining toilet below...

yeah. THAT "vibe".

Chili posted 3/29/2018 21:59 PM

I actually have no idea what OLD profiles look like and I don't feel like learning, so I'll just plagiarize Snap's.

Name: Any variation of my real one (to include letters before and after) that will impress you. Rhodes scholar? Or do you like the Spanish equivalent of my name? I'm also the CEO of my own company.

Major personality disorder: NPD (See the above category - *name*), but of course since I'm NPD, I could never really admit that I'm NPD which is why it's undiagnosed and really I'm always smarter than any therapist I've ever met so I will never see one.

Age preference: absolutely have to be younger than me. To the point that it looks like I'm still a stud (stole that too Snap).

Seeking someone with children: It doesn't matter if your children are actually younger than my own grandchildren. I'm such a noble man to take on a ready-made family. Oh - and if that ready-made family means your children are related to me on top of it, that's fine too. Being currently married to a family-member of mine is definitely not a deal-breaker.

Hobbies: a nice wide variety of self-destructive behaviors.

(I'm laughing so hard typing out my Jerry Springer shit I don't know if I can go on...)

Interests: myself and anything that has to do with I've been so wronged in the world and how everything is someone else's fault. You should also know I'm really important in the community (whichever community you'd like it to be at any given time), and the accolades I've received and I'll even make up a whole bunch of crap just to prove my importance.

...oh man, I could go on and on...thanks for the giggle.

taken4granted posted 3/30/2018 07:37 AM

Ceph - You're fine. You've hit the nail on the head, but then again, you've read what he's written. I think you understand him very well.

Chilli - I'm glad you could get a laugh from this. I'm telling you, it helped me to think what his next SO will be dealing with and how it's not my problem anymore.

I hope more think about what they are walking away from and realize that even if they never find anyone else, just being by yourself is better company than being with someone that disrespects you so much. Hugs to all of you.

ohforanewme posted 4/3/2018 05:16 AM

Hi Taken

As you will know, I was thrilled when I first saw your thread. I did not have the time then, but I was relishing the thought of being able to sit down, take some time and write something sidesplittingly funny, biting sarcastic humour all at the expense of XWW.

But, when I had a little time over the weekend, I just couldn't muster the enthusiasm any more. You see, I no longer feel as if I need to cast her in a poor light. No longer feel the strong urge to try and squeeze out some happy in my life, at her expense. It was quite a shock for me. I was in that place for so long. Never thought that I would ever be able to get out of it. Accepted it as my lot from there on out. Now, just dont care what she is up to or what folk think of her. Do you think that after a few false diagnoses, I have finally reached the state of meh?

So hope it is true.

Don't mean to dampen anyone else's creativity here. Looking forward to a few more truly good ones. Its just that I cant do it this time.

Chili posted 4/3/2018 17:21 PM


I think it really says something that you're feeling "meh" instead of snarky, sarcastic, angry, wanting to take her out at the knees...but really just giving her more head space. Getting to the indifference stage maybe? Great stuff.

For me, I'm so far detached that writing this was a great reminder of how far I've come and how far away I am from that absolute ca-raze-i-ness. From where I look back today, he (and that phase of my life) is just so so....nuts...that I find it to be a hoot.

But maybe I was a little bit flip about it...hope I didn't offend at "having a go" (did I use that expression correctly?)

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