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Venting because I need guidance

Neverbeblindagain posted 4/2/2018 18:45 PM

My ex, the wonderful man that he is, hasn't seen the kids in months, calls so spuraticly that the kids have given up trying to reach him. My youghest even knows how many rings it takes for the answering machine to pick up.

So this week I recieve a text stating "we need to arrange for a time that i can call your phone to talk to the kids because i dont want them to feel alienated from me" this is what I tried to arrange 4 months ago when I first noticed they were missing each others calls but he refused. Now he wants me to stop my life and wait for a call that may or may not come.

And today:

For the first few months I would text asking if he was going to visit them on his weekends and he would always decline. But I was able to get a meet up point so I just started showing up there because he is a grown adult and knows when he is to visit them. He never showed. Because of the text this week I thought maybe he is waking up and wanting to be back in their life. Ok, cool. So I send a text asking if he plans on having them on his half of break, which he states he can only have them for 2 days of the 5. Okay I'll work with that but I am really pissed. He has missed 7 visits and now only because the hearing is weeks away does he want to visit and not for his total amount of time?!

I have to still be his mother and REMIND him of the parenting plan?! God, I feel like a loser doing this crap AGAIN. Before I even send the question about the break I asked a couple other parents that have parenting plans the they both said to do it because I will look like I am willing to work with him within the guidelines of the PP agreement, that I am pushing for him to have a relationship with them, I'm not evil, hiding the kids from him, or any other stupid snot, but my God I am RAGING. Mainly because he is hoping in and out of their lives, that's going to screw with them (9-16) even more than they already are because of this crap. Two, when do i get to just live MY life and not hound him to be a parent. It's not my job anymore!

If this doesn't pay off in court I am going to lose my mind. If this just helps HIM I swear I will rage til that courthouse is burning.

shakentocore posted 4/2/2018 20:33 PM

If the teens have their own phones he should call them directly. You do not need to be involved.

For the 9yo, tell him a time that works for you. Maybe when you are home but busy cooking dinner or right before bedtime.

Tell your XH that if he is dropping the kids off early, he needs to drop them at your home (or where it is convenient for you). You will not drive 1/2 way unless it is the correct switch day / time.

Record every missed call and visit. Use a calendar if you need to, check your / the kids phone records.

If you have documented proof it will go a long way. Don’t be afraid to ask the judge to reduce his parenting time since he doesn’t use what he has and the kids need certainty / consistency.

Thornier posted 4/3/2018 04:26 AM

Say "I will have (kid's name) call you at (this time)." if he texts and wants to talk to them. Then you dial he answers and you say "I'll put (him/her) on."

That way if he doesn't answer the child isn't disappointed. Also that allows you to set down the phone and not listen to him while you call the child in.

If he wants to talk about stuff, say "I have time to talk at (this time), I will call you then. It's his choice to answer if he doesn't answer (I would call twice 10 minutes apart) then document that you scheduled time to talk and called twice and he didn't answer.

Also make sure to document each missed visit and relax knowing that you'll own him in court.

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