SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

PickingUpPieces6 posted 4/20/2018 08:16 AM

Hi SI Friends,
I was wondering if you could help me out. My husband, whom I caught in online betrayal via a "secret" Facebook group about 2 years ago, apparently has a "fake" Facebook name as well as his real name. I noticed it this morning when looking at his page. A woman (he works in a female- dominated field and does have some woman friends) made a general comment on a generic landscape picture he posted, and an "alternate" name in blue (like when you tag someone) came up. When I clicked on the fake name, his regular profile with his real name comes up. Can anyone make sense out of this? Trying not to panic and hoping there may be some sort of reasonable explanation for this.

[This message edited by PickingUpPieces6 at 9:06 AM, April 20th (Friday)]

1Faith posted 4/20/2018 09:48 AM

hoping there may be some sort of reasonable explanation

Logic tells you that there is no reasonable explanation.

He has chosen to create a secret account so he can continue to get ego kibbles from other people without your knowledge.

Why would he have a fake account for anything other than being deceptive?

He is lying and hiding.

Eyes wide open. Don't justify this for him.

(((sorry)))

Sadwife53 posted 4/20/2018 10:00 AM

While my husband was having an affair his immoral AP created a fake Facebook account on his phone for him- Bob Smith- so they could message and she could send him naked pics...

OneInTheSame posted 4/20/2018 15:51 PM

Can you get into his FB accounts on his laptop or device? If you can, then look everywhere: messenger, history, activity logs, payments, and all the groups he belongs to. Unfortunately deleted chats on messenger are gone for good, but if there is anything ongoing, you might be able to see it. Also check your bank accounts and phone logs . . . anything suspicious might give clues of other places to look. I think you have evidence enough to be very suspicious. Do not look for reasonable explanations, but keep your mind open to uncovering secrets. Be prepared, as what you find might really hurt. That was my experience.

mharris posted 4/20/2018 16:37 PM

That is weird. Lie low, and do not let him know what you are doing while you investigate.

Tesoro321 posted 4/20/2018 18:44 PM

There is likely not a “reasonable” explanation for this. If it’s a fake account of some sort, it’s likely being used for something deceptive. If you can gain access, check the messages & account activity. Good luck.

BearlyBreathing posted 4/20/2018 19:07 PM

A second hidden account. What non-deceitful reason could there be?
Keep digging...

NoMercy posted 4/21/2018 06:21 AM

If he wasn't doing something shady, you'd know about this alternate profile. There's a reason it's hidden, and it's not because he 'forgot' to tell you about it.

He's likely using it to continue his sneaky behavior on Facebook and it's probably also being used to continue being a member of his 'secret' FB groups.

Sadly, it seems most of the time when you catch a cheater up to no good, they don't suddenly turn into a saint. They just find a different way to continue their misdeeds.

PickingUpPieces6 posted 4/21/2018 06:29 AM

Thanks for your responses. So, I do have full access to his FB account and his phone, all PW's and bank records. He has
known that full transparency is a must for me to stay in the marriage. When all this happened 2 yrs ago, he was polygraphed for truthfulness as well, as I didn't know if what I'd found at that time was just the tip of an iceberg. Thankfully, what I had found was the extent of it. So, to answer your questions...... Have checked phone records, texting history, etc and nothing "off." Got into his FB account as well and nothing out of the ordinary. Some new info though..... It turns out that the pic he posted a couple days ago was an old pic from 2.5 yrs ago (pre-cyber betrayal). I confronted him last night about this. He said that the other name was his "old" account name he was using when he was "cyber-straying" 2 yrs ago. After he was caught, he changed his name back to his actual/correct name. I think this must be true, b/c when I click on the prior name that came up from the 2 yr old post, it immediately goes to his real account under his real name. I will definitely keep my spidey-senses on full alert though, and will be watching carefully for anything else that may come up. Thank you guys!

[This message edited by PickingUpPieces6 at 6:35 AM, April 21st (Saturday)]

coolcats posted 4/21/2018 06:46 AM

My wife started out using normal facebook. Then when she got caught using that she continued to use it but then would delete her history. Then with a few slip-ups where the messages were not deleted on time, she moved to snapchat.

Now her FB is squeaky clean, and I am somewhat hopeful there is nothing hidden, but who knows for sure. The point being people will move increasingly underground if they aren’t sincere in changing.

mamabear22 posted 4/21/2018 06:53 AM

Also to have another facebook account he has to have another email address. As far as I know you can't have 2 facebook account on the same email address. Keep digging.

PickingUpPieces6 posted 4/21/2018 07:45 AM

Coolcats.....I got on his FB this am and looked around again. The one strange thing is that he has very few messages on messenger. For as much time as he spends on FB (a few hours a day at least), it is odd to think his last message from someone is from January. I suspect now that he is deleting. My fear is that he's gone deeper underground. I don't see any apps on his phone like SnapChat, etc though. You said your wife would delete her history....do you mean PM messages?

MamaBear- but if clicking on the new name immediately goes straight to his real name account, wouldn't that mean they are both linked to the same email?

I'm certainly going to keep digging. I'm not super tech-savvy though, so have to hope that if he's doing something, he will slip up.

This situation was the last straw, that led to a 1.5 year physical separation and the near loss of me and his 5 children. He'd be OH SO STUPID to even think about going there again. Because he knows that if he does, the decision is already made on my part.

coolcats posted 4/21/2018 17:40 PM

You said your wife would delete her history....do you mean PM messages?

Yes she would delete those, as well as her search history, so i couldn’t see when or how recently she had looked him up.

For the PMs, sometimes she would go as far as taking screenshots, so she could re-read them but I wouldn’t see them.

latebloomer45 posted 4/22/2018 01:45 AM

I'm not saying don't keep digging...but I have a transgender child who changed his name on FB. When you enter his birth name it also reverts to his current page. And they are both linked to the same email. So he could be telling the truth about that part, at least.

AngryandhurtinFL posted 4/22/2018 03:36 AM

You can recovered his fb account. It will recover all of his activity, calls and messages from messenger. He will get a notification in his email

william posted 4/23/2018 06:02 AM

When I played mafia wars on fb we ALL had multiple accounts (I had 18) so we could feed main account supplies, etc. The game itself favored and encouraged these tactics. Does he play a game that alt accounts are beneficial? If not - no legit reason.

NoMercy posted 4/23/2018 07:03 AM

On his 'questionable' FB account (why does he still have it at ALL if it was used for nefarious reasons? Why didn't he just cancel it altogether after D-Day? And why didn't he TELL you he still had it and had changed it to his real name after D-Day?

Why did you have to discover it and confront him at ALL if he's supposedly being so 'transparent' with you?

There's more to this story.

There always is.

Log into his shady FB account and go to into Settings. Does his legitimate email address show up under the contact info tied to the profile? A little farther down, you'll see a small link that says, "Download a copy of your Facebook data."

Click on that and it will send an email to the email account tied to that profile telling you they've received the request. When the data file is done compiling, they'll email it to that email address as well. I'm not sure how long it takes but you've got to have access to that email address and make sure he doesn't get to it first.

OneInTheSame posted 4/23/2018 16:06 PM

Deleted FB messages are not recoverable. I have checked into this ad nauseam.

PickingUpPieces6 posted 4/23/2018 21:47 PM

No Mercy......He was not transparent with me for the first 6 months or so after D-Day when he thought we were headed for D. And, the "fake" name I just found (from 2 yrs ago) is linked to his regular email. The fake name is longer active b/c he changed it to his regular name (similar situation as what happened with LateBloomer45's son), which is linked to that same email and which I have access to. He told me that he was using the fake name at the time, b/c he was involved in some very controversial conversations on a work-related forum and did not want to risk his comments/points of view getting back to his employers. I actually do believe that part. Am aware of the actual work-related forum and yes, it is very controversial and he used to be very active there.

Now, when he was involved in the cyber-betrayal on the FB Secret group 2 yrs ago, he was using an email unknown to me AND another fake name and account. I stumbled upon that one day when I borrowed his computer while he was at work and found "pictures" being transferred to an email account I knew nothing about.

So I will be the first to admit, there was ALOT of deception going on online 2 yrs ago.

When my world blew up, we separated for 1.5 yrs. It took him 6 months to come out of the fog and fess up to everything. I had a list of criteria (thanks to the SI folks) that needed to be met before I could even fathom thinking about R. Once he got his head out of his ass, I required a polygraph to determine the extent of betrayal, and were there any more accounts I did not know about, and was he still involved in any FB secret groups, etc. He also went into individual counseling to figure out the WHYS behind his need for ego-kibbles. We reconciled about 6 months ago and things have been going very well as far as rebuilding the marriage.

When all this went down, he asked me if I wanted him to get rid of FB all-together and I said no. I said no b/c I honestly was not considering R and just didn't care at that time. Now, since we are in R, I've been comfortable with him maintaining a FB account as long as I have PW's and access to everything and can check up if I feel the need.

I know it's confusing.....but hopefully I've explained the situation? And, he's no Saint, but he has been diligently working to become a better person and right his wrongs. At this point, I am comfortable in his answers, but will continue to quietly be on the alert.

William.....no game playing on FB that I'm aware of.

I really do appreciate everyone's insight and am so thankful for all of you savvy folks and your helpful advice.

LaCroix posted 4/23/2018 22:29 PM

show it to him and make him explain