SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Wayward Side

2timesunfaithful posted 8/19/2018 20:08 PM

I'm in a new job, with better insurance and my IC appt. is this Wednesday. I recognize it's long overdue.

I'm curious what most folks tell their therapist at their first IC meeting.

Was it a stream of consciousness =get everything out in 10 minutes or less? Or did you remain quiet and let the IC direct the therapy? The therapist I'm seeing has about 19 years experience, and does marital issues and men's therapy. I'm trying to be as efficient as possible, and make the most of this and do the best in addressing my issues.

Thanks in advance.

pigpen64 posted 8/19/2018 21:29 PM

2TU, I'd start with what you consider important and want to focus on. Tell about yourself and go from there. My $.02...

ibonnie posted 8/19/2018 21:36 PM

It depends on the therapist & their background/training. You could think of the first session as a job interview -- ask them about the methods they use, how they usually practice (do they guide the discussion? Do they sit back more and see where the patient goes with it?), how long do they typically see patients for (indefinitely? Or do they set a timelime/goal for when therapy should end?)?

You have a relationship with them, but at the end of the day, you're still paying them for a service. You want to try to find someone that is a good fit for YOU.

TarheelNurse posted 8/20/2018 05:20 AM

2timesunfaithful—my IC and MC both started each session the same way...”what brings you here” (or something like that). The IC was less than a week after Dday and full of emotion. She doesn’t say a whole lot back to me and mainly just listens and gives a little advice around coping mechanisms and suggestions. She is paid for through my job and part of an employee assistance network. I think I’m going to find someone more independent. Our MC is great we see her every week and she asks us both hard questions. Last week’s session was a little more in depth, with her asking about behaviors that led me here and behaviors in me and my spouse. The first 3-4 sessions was more about her gaining historical data.

Hope this helps and good luck!

2timesunfaithful posted 8/20/2018 21:41 PM

Thanks for all the replies, it’s good to have folks who’ve been through this provide guidance,
pigpen, you’ve gotten some mileage on the video IC. I’ll stay focused on the $.02
Ibonnie,
one of the more important aspects will be to insure compatibility, so it is like a job interview.
THN,
I need to remember this will take time, at least 3-4 sessions to get through all of the shit sandwich I gave my BW.

Everyone have a great week 👍

EvolvingSoul posted 8/23/2018 22:21 PM

Hey there 2timesunfaithful,It does take a while to get up to speed so don't despair. Don't be surprised how much time gets devoted to your family of origin, either. When I first went to IC I wanted to just "figure it out" but didn't think I should have to dig up the past long before the affair to have to do that. Turned out that I did. A skillful therapist will help you follow the threads but you'll have to be willing to grab hold of them.

Proceed with conviction and valor.