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Remember the day my son came out

astrongmom posted 12/5/2018 09:56 AM

I remember the day my 16 year old son Zac came out.Zac is bigender,he dresses as female on certain days including as male.When he is dressed as female,I call him Zoey.It will be a year next month he came out 2 days after his 16th birthday.He was helping me out putting dishes away and told me he had to come out about something.I sat down and told him I am open about him.Finally told me he is bigender.Looked at him and said I still love him with my support.His closet now,half boys and girls clothing.Does see a therapist on this and things are good at school with it.School,worked with us very well.Can go to school as Zoey if he decides to dress as female.Says I am a good mom,one thing I did was take him to get his ears pierced two weeks after he came out.

EvenKeel posted 12/5/2018 10:36 AM

Sounds like you are a very supporting and loving parent. Zac/Zoey is blessed to have you helping to navigate this path because I am sure it is a bumpy one at times.

I know there are other parents on SI with personal experiences and hopefully they will see this and chime in as well.

And how about you? Do you have a supportive network for yourself?

astrongmom posted 12/5/2018 10:44 AM

Has been bullied once,principal took care of the incident very well and it was not a slap on the wrist.His bio dad is even supportive.I have support from him,my mom including family and friends.I did get a few things for Zac/Zoey for Christmas and going to like them.A Dooney & Bourke handbag and a pair of Clark's shoes

[This message edited by astrongmom at 10:46 AM, December 5th (Wednesday)]

wildbananas posted 12/5/2018 13:08 PM

As the mom of a trans kid, it seems like you're handling everything right! What they need most is your support and love.

It's a hard road for everyone though, no matter how supportive and accepting you are. Finding people you can talk to for YOU is important, too. You're saying goodbye to the kid you raised while saying hello to the new one and it can get confusing.

astrongmom posted 12/5/2018 13:28 PM

Doing everything right and his dad is the same.His dad,knew he was different in a good way.The transgendered community in my area has appraised me as great mom and they helped out with his female wardrobe,took him shopping for clothing,shoes and jewelry which were donations.Even my best friend Mandy taught him make up.Bathroom issue at school,uses the girl's bathroom dressed as Zoey with no issues at all.Not the only trans kid at school,is one of 8 kids there whom are transgendered.His dad and I are talking having a photo shoot for him as Zoey,his 17th birthday present

[This message edited by astrongmom at 2:16 PM, December 5th (Wednesday)]

Marie2792 posted 12/5/2018 19:59 PM

Itís so important to show support and love to our children. My son came out to me 5 years ago as gay which I already had known in my heart since he was 2. So many parents diswown their children and kick them out to the streets. One of my favorite charities is Cyndi Laupers True Colors Fund which helps support homeless LGBT teenagers and young adults.

You are a wonderful mom and it sounds like Zac/Zoey has a great community of folks in his life.

astrongmom posted 12/5/2018 21:19 PM

He does,my mom is even there for support.Family members on my mom's side,they have been great about it.I learned she bought him a couple pair of 3 inch hoop earrings for his Christmas gifts.Loves hoop earrings as Zoey.One thing he learned to get used to as Zoey is wearing bras.Took a couple weeks on this for him.My two younger daughters whom are 13 and 10,see him as a big sister when dressed as Zoey

Lalagirl posted 12/6/2018 08:27 AM

One thing he learned to get used to as Zoey is wearing bras.

Gotta give Zoey credit - I'm 53 and never got used to bras

Seriously though, you're an awesome mom and sounds like Zac/Zoey has an awesome support system. My friend from high schools DD is trans (Sara/Sam) - I believe she/he came out at 16 as well. They are also very supportive and are involved in promoting trans awareness.


astrongmom posted 12/6/2018 14:09 PM

Zac/Zoey does have a great support system.Friends,his female friends consider him as one of the girls as Zoey.I knew he had a female persona that wanted out

latebloomer45 posted 12/6/2018 16:59 PM

Things have come along rapidly. Mine came out June 2011, 3 people on here were willing to PM me and several offered support but no one else publicly would say they had a trans child. Which I understand, I'm not judging. It's tough, but it does get better.

heartbroken_kk posted 12/6/2018 22:02 PM

I've had some interesting discussions about the spectrum of gender identity and gender expression. A friend of mine came out as a trans female a couple of years ago, I supported his transition to her, recently she got surgery for her face, she is pretty, but also still loves her jeep and base guitar.

I took a masculine/either gender name name in junior high, wore jeans, was tough, but always felt like I was indeed female, just a "tomboy". Today I recognize that my gender identity has been fluid, but on the spectrum of "assigned female, identifies as female, prefers masculine activities"

At thanksgiving my nephew introduced his girlfriend to the family. She appears to be trans, with a deep voice and various physical traits such as large hands. But a sweet and funny person. How wonderful that my nephew has found someone he is attracted to and is bonding with. I don't care that she is trans, she's a nice person. They are happy together.

I think that what makes people uncomfortable is the novelty. It's unusual. And the mind wanders to anatomy and sexual activities and gets confused. We don't experience that confusion with people who are obviously cis-gendered. And of course so many people don't understand the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation.

Love is love and everyone should love themselves, and love people who are good for them.

astrongmom posted 12/6/2018 22:10 PM

Biggest thing I have learned is love,acceptance are the only way to go.I have read of the stories of LGBT youth being rejected.I have been through it,I came out when I was 16 as bisexual.Knew about the age of 11 or 12 I liked boys and girls.My parents had a rough time with it at first.I gave my parents time to think it over and they decided this was me.Worked it all out and has been great since.

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