SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I do so wish I could see my POS exhole get hit by the Karma bus. And his POS mistress. And his POS lying brats, who I raised almost by myself after I married him but they betrayed me right along with him. And all of our supposedly mutual friends who also either betrayed or abandoned me. There's a whole lot of people I want to see get hit by that Karma bus.

Except for my family, I hate the whole world, and I'm not sure that's going to change until I get to see the people who deceived and betrayed me suffering.

I can't even call his and his mistress's churches and tell their congregations what lying, cheating, unethical, unchristian pieces of crap are in their churches. Or tell her family the truth about her behavior and what a worthless, backstabbing whore she is. I can't tell the truth to all the people who were supposed to be my friends too because he turned them against me so he could cheat with their full support, and I also don't get to tell them that they too are dishonest, backstabbing POS douchebags for believing the lying cheats and betraying the one who remained faithful.

That's the part of the divorce I think I hate the most: that if I tell people the truth about what hateful scumbags they all are, I'm the one who will suffer for it. It's the final injustice heaped on thirty fucking years of injustice. I've lived a whole lifetime of injustice without a single hope of justice in sight, and now I can't even speak out about the injustice I suffered for thirty years!

I don't want to take the high road. He didn't, and he got rewarded. I tried and got reamed.

The whole world sucks. People suck. And the kangaroo courts in this country are a joke.

Cheaters are all liars. Cheaters are all selfish. Cheaters uncaringly cause a lifetime of damage to their entire families for nothing more than a few moments of physical pleasure with a cheap, trashy POS slut they can't possibly respect - pleasure that they could have easily gotten with their spouses or on their own. Cheaters are such scumbags, I don't understand why it's considered wrong to try to hurt them back. Considering how much hurt they uncaringly caused to innocent people and the very people they were supposed to protect, why is it wrong to hurt them back? They deserve it. Nothing I could do to my POS exhole or his POS mistress or his POS children or his POS friends could ever come close to the suffering they all caused me.

Until we get to hurt cheaters back, they will continue to cheat.

I was hoping all this hate and anger and need for revenge would subside after the divorce. And I suppose it has somewhat, but it's still so hard sometimes.

And so far, I'm not convinced that posting any of this crap is making me feel any better. And no one on this site has any help to offer.

Even on a site that's supposedly populated by people in my situation, I feel alone and unheard.

I hate the whole world.

Can anyone give me a single reason why I shouldn't?

If I had to choose right now between saving the entire human race or saving my dog, I think I would pick my dog.

[This message edited by CatsEye at 10:03 PM, December 25th (Tuesday)]

I feel your anger and pain.

I also feel extreme outrage at my X. It comes and goes. It's infuriating that they do get away with it all. I keep saying to myself that he will get his 'reward' and that I am leaving that one up to God. It just doesn't make it easier though.

I can't imagine what you have been through. A complicated betrayal to be sure.

I have tried to 'take the high road' and mostly I did, and other times I just plain didn't. And that's ok. I stopped beating myself up over my anger and rage. I am starting to take boxing instead. Because honestly, I really have no idea what to do with my rage. I did think of all sorts of ways to torture him. And that worked for awhile. I think that the more I focus on wanting to hurt him, the less I focus on me. Boxing is good for now. It keeps me active and physically fit and above all it is getting out that toxic grief that needs to leave my body.

I have heard you. And this whole thing really, really sucks.

Yeah, ain't this the fucking truth. It's the reality of the world we live in. Cheaters who are not remorseful and leave us high and dry for their AP have no consequences at all. They get to fuck, cuddle, and be merry while we are stuck shouldering the burdens of the burnt heap of rubble that was the marriage they left. Life sucks, people suck. It is not fair.

Living in a no fault state compounds it too. Our cheaters are able to just freely flee from all their responsibilities but yet since we filed, we have to take the high road. We can't put them on blast publicly, we can't do shit that would negatively affect them or else it looks bad to the court. They cheated on us yet we most likely have to pay THEM. We live in an awful world, full of people craving for instant gratification and anything that boosts their ego after they post a fucking selfie.

Fuck the holidays, fuck infidelity, fuck people, fuck social media, and most of all... fuck our WS's and all the people who support them.

Dear GraceLove and Falc,

Thank you. I do feel a tiny bit better for having been heard.

I did want to add one thing to your comments, Falc.

Fuck lawyers, fuck judges, fuck the kangaroo courts, and fuck the whole injustice system for enabling and rewarding cheaters. The lawyers and judges in this country must be all cheating scumbags themselves or they wouldn't have designed the system to enable and reward cheaters.

There's certainly nothing in it to protect the innocent, making lawyers, judges, the kangaroo courts, and the injustice system more harmful to the innocent than helpful. I truly believe the country would be better off if the legal profession were entirely disbanded.

I will never forgive all the POS lawyers and judges in this country who are doing nothing to prevent people from deliberately breaking their marriage contracts again and again while escaping without a single consequence. No one who breaks his marriage contract for years should be allowed to end it without consequence as though he upheld it honorably. Any lawyer or judge who isn't working to get that fixed has no business pretending to care about justice. Any lawyer or judge who isn't working to get that fixed is a lying, self-serving scumbag who only cares about how much money he can extort from his victims, I mean "clients".

Then again, lawyers in general have been widely regarded as lying, mercenary scum who only care about money since the days of Shakespeare if not before.

I know it's not fair, but it's the way of our society in general. People think that a wayward must have had a reason other than they are selfish POS, who wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire and only think about themselves. There unfortunately is no such thing as Karma. If a XWS has something bad happen to them it's because they continue to make the same rotten decisions in life. I prefer to think that they will have to meet their maker someday and that it won't be pretty and that will be my revenge or Karma so to speak.

XWH#1 has acknowledged that he fucked his life up when I finally ended the marriage and it gives me satisfaction knowing that. XWH#2 also lost out by running to the slut when the shit hit the fan. I take satisfaction in knowing that they probably both wonder when they will get cheated on too. XWH#2 has already lost his best friend and I know he still hates that I am still friends with him and his wife.

As far as those that stayed friends with him, they were not your friends anyway, so fuck them. They are not worth your time or mental anguish. I know that doesn't help a lot now, but one day it will. Surround yourself with the people that love and care about you. I know it doesn't help, but there really are good people in this fucked up world who do care about you. Even people on this site care or they wouldn't take the time to respond. Infidelity and the unfairness of it all can cloud our mind for as long as we allow it to. Once you get to indifference, you will feel much better. Until then (((HUGS))).

Dear TrustGone,

Thank you for the words of support and encouragement.

If a XWS has something bad happen to them it's because they continue to make the same rotten decisions in life.

That's pretty much what I mean by Karma. I don't believe in some mystical force that punishes people for being cruel.

My mother told me today that I need to get over my anger and that a negative attitude won't help me.

I wanted so badly to ask her - if you found out that my father had been cheating on you for many years and possibly your entire marriage, that he had never loved you or respected you, that every moment of your entire life with him had been a lie, that he had been cheating with someone you thought of as a friend and probably with others too, that your children had known about the affair for years if not the entire time and had actually been friendly with his mistress and supportive of his affair, and that all of your friends had known, and then he divorced you so he could be with his mistress, leaving you with inadequate funds and forced to live on the charity of your relatives while none of the people who were supposed to be your friends too and none of your children cared enough even to call or send an email or text to ask how you were doing or if you needed anything, how long do you think it would take you to get over the anger?

I've been divorced less than two weeks now.

FML

[This message edited by CatsEye at 1:39 PM, December 26th (Wednesday)]

Felt very strongly like you for a year. Truth be told I will still smile when it happens cause it is inevitable. But I have changed my mindset. The best revenge is a life well lived is a true statement which is hard to appreciate at first. I choose this instead of hoping for the universe to get her back as my life gets better the harder I work and the more I get everything lined up and executed with thought and precision. More importantly I DONT GIVE HER THE POWER TO DETERMINE MY HAPPINESS. I am in control and I determine how happy I am. No one has that on me especially her. Once I realized this it got a lot better and I got a lot more motivated.

Fuck em. Aint nobody gonna keep me down and dont let them keep u down either.

Dear RockstarDad,

You were only married for seven years. I lost THIRTY years. You have children of your own to love. I gave up my chance to have children of my own in order to raise his, and they betrayed me too. You had time to rebuild your life. All I have left is old age lived alone.

And you've had a year to recover. I've had less than two weeks.

FML

[This message edited by CatsEye at 1:36 PM, December 26th (Wednesday)]

Catseye, I also feel you pain and your justified anger.

I want to tell you a story about Karma. My cousin, who was like a brother to me, betrayed his wife. She was/IS a wonderful lady, a great wife and mother. They had three children and she was a stay at home mom. He 'fell in love' with his secretary and to justify his actions, he started all kinds of rumors about his faithful wife in their small town. He was financially secure (because his WIFE was a great money manager!!) and was considered a leader in the town. He put his wife OUT of the home, told her if she tried to get an attorney and contest the divorce, he would kill her. She believed him. He got his divorce on a Friday and married the OW the following Monday. The BW suffered horribly and he kept her children from her. I took her in because she had no place to go, no money, not even a vehicle. Because I am 'family' and took her in, I became his enemy too. I helped her the best I could. She was terrified of him as he'd physically abused her in the past.

Now the KARMA: She survived. She's such a sweet wonderful woman and her kids grew up and eventually made their way to her. She lives near them now and enjoys young grandchildren and being with all of them. The other woman did not age gracefully. She looks 80 years old instead of 59. She's lost her teeth and gained a tremendous amount of weight. My cousin the WH treats her like trash. He lost the beautiful home his faithful wife had budgeted and paid for in full because he mortgaged it to take the new wife on trips and now lives in a travel trailer in a nasty trailer park. He has diabetes and is losing his sight and unable to work. He's about to loose a limb. He doesn't take care of himself at all. He can't even drive a vehicle and is dependent on the OW wife to drive him to the doctor. They drink. His three children barely tolerate him. The children, in spite of everything, are respectable young men with great careers and great wives who helped them find their way back to their mother. Oh -- and their mother? She's still petite and beautiful and takes care of herself. She went through such hard times and worked constantly to get back with her children who had been stolen from her. It paid off. We are still close. My cousin will not speak to me to this day because I helped this wonderful woman when she had no one else. I do not CARE. I care about her and her children and grandchildren.

Her EX knows how he messed up. He constantly tries to get her back but she has no time for him. She's not unkind to him because that's not her nature. She just tries to pretend he doesn't exist.

Sometimes KARMA takes a while to manifest itself but it always does.

Live your life and don't worry about them!! Take care of YOU and set goals. Your EX and 'that woman' and those so-called friends are not worth one minute of worry from you.

The BEST revenge is rebuilding your life and living well They WILL get their come-uppance sooner or later.

Sorry I was confused I thought it was 8 months since dday. Apologies. Im sorry for what your going through and wouldnt have had the same response had I realized that. Prayers.

The unfortunate reality is that the so-called Karma Bus may never show, your now-ex may be happy with the OW (statistics are against it but it does happen), and there is very little you can do about his life and how he lives it.

But what you CAN do is take care of you and live the best life YOU can. You've heard the saying that "Living Well is the Best Revenge?" Well, there's a lot of truth to that. Our own lives are the only thing within our control, and we have the choice of continuing to wait for someone to get what we believe they deserve, or to get busy and get living so that whatever happens to them is immaterial compared to our own lives.

Have you considered IC to help you deal with these feelings of injustice and such? You seem to be dealing with a great deal of anger, and perhaps some perspective on that would be helpful for you to lay the path to a more peaceful future.

Cat

I was hoping all this hate and anger and need for revenge would subside after the divorce. And I suppose it has somewhat, but it's still so hard sometimes.

And so far, I'm not convinced that posting any of this crap is making me feel any better. And no one on this site has any help to offer.

Even on a site that's supposedly populated by people in my situation, I feel alone and unheard.

I'm so sorry you are feeling all of this pain.

You've been divorced two weeks. It's still going to be hard!!! Divorce wasn't a magic bullet to make it all go away. It just solved your legal problems (although it sucks that it wasn't a fair judgement.)

I'm going to echo a few posters here and tell you that the best revenge is focusing on YOURSELF and living how YOU want to live. Why listen to SI? Because there are some of us that are many years out and we survived. We went through the pain, the triggers, the dark tunnel and SEE THE LIGHT!!

I, too, was focused on him at first. He broke up our little family. His parents whom I loved were on his side for some crazy blood related reason.

YOU know the truth. Hold your head high. Live in good standing. Re build your home and your hobbies. Try not to care about his mistress and his life because it's a blessing to have it separate than yours.

You don't see it now. Or feel it now. But you have to try and make a change. What you are doing isn't working for you.

Promise. It gets better. SO much better.

Having your divorce finalized really has little impact on your emotions. It just marks the end of the legal process. I think a lot of people believe that this "event" will have an instant bearing on their emotional state. This is, unfortunately, very much NOT the reality.

I really think that making an effort to concentrate on yourself and the life YOU want to make is something that will help you heal faster and more completely. Continuing to fixate on "justice" or "revenge" or "karma" for your ex is going to keep you tied to him emotionally.

Living well *IS* the best revenge. Making a complete life without him and his toxicity is priceless.

Cat

And so far, I'm not convinced that posting any of this crap is making me feel any better. And no one on this site has any help to offer.

Even on a site that's supposedly populated by people in my situation, I feel alone and unheard.

(((CatsEye))) You are NOT alone and you are NOT unheard. I am in that same boat with you, feeling often that I am rowing alone.

I was not only lied to and betrayed by two husbands, but the second one has made it his mission to lie ABOUT me in order to preserve his small-town reputation as a nice guy, salt-of-the-earth, give a stranger the shirt off his back kind of person.

I did expose him to people, and I did pay a price for it. He got livid and successfully turned people against me who were either related to him or knew him much longer than they knew me.

His lies are easy to believe if you've never been intimately involved with him. So all those people in his hometown who 'know' him? They only truly know the facade of a man that he shows them. That guy is charming, funny, and can appear to be really kind. He is also able to cry at the drop of a hat, which really adds to his victim act.

I am so lonely. I am so pissed at myself for wasting my entire adult life loving someone who didn't exist, for allowing him to blame me for things that were not my fault, at allowing him to label ME as broken - when he is the one who broke me. I met this man 28-and-a-half years ago, and was married to him for six. I'm starting over too, having supported two cheating husbands in every way - neither of whom loved me enough to be faithful.

So no, you are not by yourself in your anger and your feelings that you are alone, waiting for karma to do its job.

My divorce was final in October. My DDay with husband #2 was back in April. I was dumped over the phone, one day after he met OW and told her he was single. He literally used me and let me love him and make plans for our future and go to school for my real estate license, knowing that the minute he found anyone who showed interest, who met his basic needs and expectations, he was going to drop me like a hot rock.

I have never felt more worthless in my whole life.

I'm a person who people have considered gorgeous, smart, funny. He made me feel like the biggest loser in the world, that he could discard me the way he did after all my years of love and sacrifice.

Our feelings of rage and pain and heartbreak are justified, but they will destroy us if we can't ultimately find some joy in life. Letting a cheater destroy us is the ultimate betrayal. But unlike the act of infidelity, we can choose to keep from being destroyed.

As you can tell from my post I am still a work in progress and the pain still feels new sometimes. But the key word is 'progress.' Take baby steps every day.

(((Hugs)))

[This message edited by NorCalLost at 2:18 PM, January 4th (Friday)]

What is learned in IC:

Anger is an emotion that erupts when an injustice has been done.

Of course you are angry!! An injustice was done and is being done.

You are also having a hard time wrapping your mind around all the injustices that have been done to you. BTDT

Every bit of this is normal!

I truly was helped by my IC to fully explore the anger before I began to live life after the anger. Actually mine was anger and shock that my WS would set me up to become friends with a freakin woman he was already screwing in my bed while I was out of state caring for my sick Mother.

I learned thru IC that my xwh is a truly sick POS. He is still a sick POS bc he’s not gotten any help for it.

I flipped out so badly I had to go to an outpatient clinic for 2 weeks. I couldn’t believe that my xh did that to me and, like you, no one listened to my side of the story. I got help and it helped me to understand my anger and confusion, which is justified anger, btw.

Anyway, 7 years out and karma bus is hitting xwh ALOT as the OW yells and him, hits him, and I’m told has a boyfriend!!

Me? I’m planning a cruise with 2 friends who believed in me.

You may not be there at this moment, but I believe your story and I believe in you, CatsEye. Raising those step kids! You gave them a great childhood. They will see thru their Dad one day.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 10:44 PM, January 8th (Tuesday)]

I am truly sorry for your pain Catseye.

There are many members on here that are dealing with infidelity and divorce after many years of marriage. I wish I could say it was uncommon, but it’s not.

None of this is fair. It feels like this impossible task to rebuild your life after spending a lifetime with your spouse. And then trying to come to grips with the completely cold-hearted and callous way we are discarded is just as hard.

All I can say is don’t let the cheater steal everything. They have already stolen so much — take control of your life and find something that makes you happy. Join a group ... volunteer ....adopt a shelter pet ... get a new job. There is always something you can do to make your life better.

Focusing on your WH’s and POS OW’s consequences is only going to hold you back.

Karma doesn’t always happen immediately but it always comes.

If you live your life as a liar and a cheat, consequences for your shitty behavior are inevitable.

I understand your frustration but I thought I’d leave this little tidbit for you, when my ex and the AP were splitting he had “Loyalty” tattood on one inner arm and “High Road” on the other inner arm. Large. In. Bad. Fonts.

Omg.

And I was so damn smug when they divorced after five years together and two months of marriage. Because you’re right, if you talk about it it’s never interpreted well (except close friends who know you and understand). Stupid me. He got him a new one no time. Oh well!

Loyalty and high road, smdh

Hang in there.

Oh dear, I do completely understand your anger and frustration. It is completely unjust and it is completely fucked up. One of the hardest things to let go of is the realization that what happened to you was unfair and sometimes there is no justice or no justice that would compare or delivered in a timeline that matters to our hearts.

There are a few things I want to say that I hope in some small way may help.

1. Sometimes shit floats. Literally. You take a crap and some sinks to the bottom, other times a turd floats around the bowl. Why? Who cares? ITS STILL SHIT. Just because it floated, it didn’t make it a special turd. On the few times I’ve pondered why a shit floats, I considered the possibility that it is simply because I was gassy. Aka, that turd just happens to be filled with more “hot air”. It’s true in life. Some shitty people float. They float in relationships, they float at work. They just float. They are STILL SHIT , floating doesn’t make them special. Sometimes when I have to engage with my x or hear about something “fabulous” I picture a floating shit in the toilet. Nobody can figure out why I have a serene smile.

2. After many hours (maybe years) of crying on a therapists couch and begging for karma and justice. Of comparing all that I had lost to what he had gained and how he “got away with it”, my therapist finally asked me a really important question. “WOULD YOU WANT TO BE HIM?”. This question stopped me in my tracks. When I think about how morally corrupt he is, how he is incapable of actually truly loving or caring for any human beings besides looking at them through a lense of “what they do for him”. He has no real human connections. The fake front he puts up to family and friends is just that. What a shallow, lonely, and hollow existence. He is loved by people who don’t know him because he lies about everything. (that’s not real love) and he is incapable of actually loving anyone else. THAT IS THE KARMA FOR ME. I got away from him. He has to BE HIM for the rest of his life with no meaningful love. knowing he is fraud and investing his time and energy into keeping up the facad and hoping nobody else discovers who he really is.

And as for the children and false “Switzerland friends”. Even children we give both to, there is no guarantee they will love you back. Parenting is unfortunately often a 1 way street. And that is also not fair. But You loved, you gave, you lived authentically to your values. Maybe some day those children will come back to you. Or maybe some day you will realize that you provided same loving parenting and a good example of values to humans who- although may not be Grateful— but nonetheless learned and saw what love looked like and they will be better adults and partners because of your actions.

For the Switzerland friends. Drop their sorry asses. These are not your people. You don’t share similar values. There are a ton of good honest people out there who care and live with integrity and you will make new friends. One of the small side gifts I got from my shit show is that it showed me exactly who my real friends are (a much smaller group than I originally thought). I was sorry for the time I had invested in false friends, but the ones who remained are 10x closer. And the vacancy left by the Switzerland’s left room to find new amazing people.

I know you are hurting. I know that nothing is fair about any of this. But it will get better, and a floating shit does not deserve your future happiness. He has already taken so much, don’t give him that too.

[This message edited by MakingMyFuture at 2:17 AM, January 29th (Tuesday)]

MakingMyFuture.. I think im a wee bit in love with you .

[This message edited by WasSheWorthIt at 5:31 AM, January 29th (Tuesday)]