"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Bbbluegurl posted 2/2/2019 20:12 PM

So, on my journey to meet new people and get myself back out there, I've been trying OLD. For the most part it's been cringy and lackluster. About 2 weeks ago I got a message from a guy, and we just hit it off. We exchanged numbers and began to text nonstop. We had so many things in common, same thoughts on subjects, music lovers... it just felt right talking to this man. HOWEVER... there was a few red flags. 1. He wouldn't call 2. He never talked about his personal life.. aka kids, family. He told me he was recently separated from his wife from her choosing. He made it sound like she basically up and left and started "acting out" . That's about all I knew about his personal life lol. While we were talking thru he said he started having feelings for me, which caught him off guard since we hadn't even met yet, and I'm not going to lie, I had a little feels for him too... nothing serious, just a general liking and want to get to know him. Fast forward to a few days ago... we confessed that he was all kinds of mixed up inside about having feelings for me, but still not wanting to let go of his life. He was confused and it was a constant struggle for him he said. I told him I would be there for him if he wanted to talk, I wasnt going to pry, everything he was going thru is extremely hard for a person and the emotional toll it takes is taxing. The next day we exchanged good mornings, we made small talk and shared memes thru out the day.... then it all stopped. He hadn't texted me in hours which is very odd for us. I sent a simple hi, and nothing. So I figured I had gotten blocked lol I checked the OLD site and he had blocked me on there too. Lmao I have never been ghosted but damn.... that is such a crappy thing to do to someone. And me being me, I'm just hoping hes Ok lol also... I have no idea if I was played, but it kinda seems that way, or maybe ye freaked out... all feasible. It's been a few days since, and I miss our convos... but oh well. Back to pond I go.

Sidenote... curiosity got the best of me. I checked his facebook out earlier on in our chats and stumbled on his estranged wife. She deleted her facebook the day after he ghosted me. So now... I'm thinking something happened like he got caught on OLD or another woman messaged her... I dunno. Just thought that was VERY weird.

RockstarDad posted 2/2/2019 20:22 PM

A estranged wife is still a wife and thats if you take them at there word they are "estranged/seperated". Most people are fucked up for a while after a divorce let alone a seperation, doubtful they would be any good anyway. It appears it is too soon for him.

Take a step back and consider why you thought this was worth exploring in the first place. Not trying to bag on you, i dated to early after myself. This is why rebound relatuonahips are almost certainly doomed to fail.

Consider yourself lucky it ended before it really started

Bbbluegurl posted 2/2/2019 20:38 PM

Oh I agree. I wasnt expecting anything to happen.. or even wanted anything to happen. I was happy to just talk to someone I had a connection with, more than happy to "just be friends".

RockstarDad posted 2/2/2019 21:05 PM

I get it. He isnt in a good place to be that friend though. It sucks, sorry it happened to you.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 9:09 PM, February 2nd (Saturday)]

LilBlackCat posted 2/3/2019 01:11 AM

Yeah, being ghosted sucks.. but sounds like you dodged bad one there.

Shehawk posted 2/3/2019 08:50 AM

I hope you will find positive relationships with people who are in a place to communicate, invest, and give to you as you move forward

I am remembering that it was my husband's online relationship where he fell in love with a woman he had never met and had sex with her immediately after picking her up from the airport. None of it was real. That is the point I am making about online stuff. It was all a fantasy. She was nothing like he thought she was. So I am approaching anything other than a slow face to face relationship with extreme caution.

I am moving forward being careful of premature attachment and coming from a place of neediness and woundedness after living through a betrayal from my husband of over 30 years that almost cost me my life.

I am now very careful who I will let in my life and when I date again I will not be interested in a text buddy. My life will be too full of positive things--activities, friends etc. When I date again I will not date recently divorced or separated people and I will vet them carefully. No more relationships where I get fleas.

I am in another online group (not promoting any other group or anything) but part of the group is about how to determine what kind of people to involve myself with, what sort of behavior I will accept, and what kind of person I want to be. Being a woman of worth who gets what she needs and deserves instead of settling for abuse (infidelity, lack of love) and crumbs.

Best wishes on successful dating.

[This message edited by Shehawk at 8:57 AM, February 3rd (Sunday)]

Bbbluegurl posted 2/3/2019 21:36 PM

I know I'm not in the place emotionally to date anyone, but having someone I could talk to so easily was so nice. Then after I felt guilty because he was still married, and I was cheated on by my ex so.... how could I do that. But nothing happened, it was innocent talking and having fun chatting with someone. Either way... OLD is an odd fishing hole and you never know what you might pull out.

The main point of this post was... ghosting and being ghosted, and how that sucks. It's an easy way out of everything, but a crappy way to go about it.

EvenKeel posted 2/4/2019 07:13 AM

She deleted her facebook the day after he ghosted me

Did you check to see if you where blocked (versus she deleted)?

but still not wanting to let go of his life.

To me it sounds like the M might have been on the rocks and he was torn between giving it another go or not.

That is fine. It just irks me that folks don't have the courtesy to say "Hey - I really enjoyed chatting with you but my estrangled W wants to try again and I want to make sure I do all I can to save it if possible...." or whatever. Just don't ghost folks. Have the integrity to say "Sorry I am unable to pursue this but I wish you well on your endeavors....".

I am sorry it didn't work out for you this time. It is nice to have that connection with someone.

BUT think NOW about what you want to do when he circles back around!