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Am I in my own way to heal?

Hopeful4now posted 9/10/2019 18:58 PM

When I first realized that WS was cheating I started learning how to question everything. Part of it was born out of TT and a couple of DDays. It has been 7months, and I know that this is still relatively recent in the grand arch that is recovery, I feel like I can’t stop looking for lies and deception.

Today I stopped by WS’s work to switch cars so he could work on mine while I slept (I work nights and was coming off shift). In his car was a receipt for a cash deposit into an account at a bank that isn’t ours. I flipped. Turns out, it was a deposit he made for work, backed up with him sending me a photo of the company debit card used, and a photo of his work reports showing what was due to be deposited. In other words, it was legit.

I sometimes feel like I’m going crazy. My instincts had been spot on during the A. Since then, we have been working hard. IC, MC, actually spending time with each other. Huge growth from both of us. And yet, I keep digging. I have been told that it takes 30 days for something to become habit. Well, after 60+ days of me fighting to really get the truth back in the beginning (I realized there was something going on about 2 weeks into the 6 week A) I am wondering if now I have rewired my brain to no longer trust and seek to find “proof,” even without it really being anything.

Is it just me? I feel like I am self-sabotaging at this point.

ibonnie posted 9/10/2019 19:36 PM

I am wondering if now I have rewired my brain to no longer trust and seek to find “proof,” even without it really being anything.

No. You did not rewire your brain. "TT and a couple of DDays" rewired your brain.

It's been two years since my WH's affair. I still have days where I spiral and question and search and doubt.

My WH is remorseful. He tells me he understands, he hugs me and apologizes. He cries for hurting me. And he tells me to search through whatever I need to, because there's nothing there, since he's no longer lying, and also because he wants me to do whatever it takes to feel reassured and he knows that he shattered my trust.

My bad/spiraly/paranoid days are getting further and further apart. I am starting to believe that he's sincerely remorseful and practicing being honest now. But am I 100% certain? Would I bet my life on it? No. And you know what? That's okay right now and he doesn't make me feel bad at all for it.

HowIsThisReal posted 9/10/2019 20:37 PM

I think this is completely normal. This type of trauma can cause us to react this way and who knows how long it will last. It's different for each person.

HowIsThisReal posted 9/11/2019 10:32 AM

I think this is pretty normal, trauma makes us react in some unusual ways.

[This message edited by HowIsThisReal at 10:45 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)]

HowIsThisReal posted 9/11/2019 10:44 AM

Posted in wrong thread.

[This message edited by HowIsThisReal at 10:45 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)]

Hopeful4now posted 9/11/2019 14:58 PM

How Is This Real, I posted in reconciliation because we are working on R and I feel like I am getting in my own way to R by my thoughts. Maybe that was wrong....

SumofOne posted 9/11/2019 15:12 PM

What ibonnie said is spot on. Also it sound like we are close in situations and original ddays.

I can feel like my own worst enemy. Where I start down a path and it leads to the pit that I can't pull myself out of.


Once my spouse got to where ibonnie's spouse is, things got better for me. As soon as she just gave in and started giving me anything I needed to heal, I do less and less of the downward spiral.

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