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Back and Forth

Dirtdog34 posted 11/15/2019 06:24 AM

First time post, but have been reading many websites for months and this is one of them.

So D-day was June 11th of this year. Divorced on June 27th. I (37m) found out my ex(30f) was cheating with a co-worker(44m) when his wife contacted me. I had suspicions for months and we had separated in May because of it. I actually work with both my ex and the OM and it has been a trying time these last few months.

Despite the hurt and splitting custody of my 3 year old daughter, I still have feelings for my ex and continue to hold out hope that she will come to her senses.

She has expressed a want to come back on two separate occasions now, but each time has returned to the OM within 2 weeks. She states she misses the family and that things will never be the same as they were with me. I have done the 180 and gotten a life as they say, but wonder if there is a chance still.

I just don't think she has the strength to pull away right now...

I guess I'm wondering if this is common and if anyone else has gone through something similar.

I appreciate any responses and respect all who are on the forum.

Thank You

dblackstar2002 posted 11/15/2019 06:45 AM

My advice? Move on and don't look back! Even if by some miracle you get her back, It will never be the same again. Worrying about when and if she returns to the OM will kill you with stress. One day you will wake up after you had her are back together and realize you don't love her the same. How could you? The person you loved is gone and you are left with a cheater who you are not certain won't cheat again. Trust me, That is no way to live I now you still love her but the best thing to do, Now this may sound harsh but view here as someone whom you love who has just died. Remember the good times you had with her but understand that person is gone and move on. Just my advice for what it's worth....

DevastatedDee posted 11/15/2019 07:46 AM

I think you need to learn to respect and love yourself more. She is treating you like an option and playing with your heart and you don't deserve that. She doesn't respect you or she would never do this. I cannot imagine treating a man this way. I fear you are doing the whole "pick me" dance and that never ends well. No, the family won't be the same anymore because she broke it. Her complaining about that is just mind-blowing. If she came back, it should be her begging and apologizing and involve a lot of her trying to become a decent human being.

Think about this. Would you do this to her? Leave her for another woman and play with her like this? If not, why wouldn't you do this? The answers probably have something to do with empathy, love and maturity. Try to internalize the reality that she doesn't possess those things that should prevent her from acting like this.

fareast posted 11/15/2019 08:29 AM

DevastatedDee is spot on. Good advice. Always value yourself. Your exWWís actions are horrid. She is continuing her A with a married AP deliberately helping to destroy another womanís M. Thatís terrible. You deserve better. Donít let her keep you dangling as a plan B, just in case he dumps her. Be the stable adult for your child. No contact. Move on. If you can, find a new job. I canít imagine how painful your workplace situation is right now. Move on.

nekonamida posted 11/15/2019 09:34 AM

Dirtdog, it has nothing to do with strength and everything to do with selfishness. She has the ability to stop but why should she when she thinks she has you firmly sitting on the back burner and she can run back to you any time things get rocky with the OM?

If a separation and divorce did nothing to stop her, there is no other incentive for her. She wants him. She chose him. She'll pretend to choose you a little bit when it suits her and they're fighting but then she will always choose him again. You have to cut her off as much as possible and move on as if she's never going to choose you.

Get back on the 180. No more entertaining anything with her unless she's been done with the OM for at least 6 months and is willing to do everything possible to R with you.

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