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Holidays and Anniversaries

hopefullife posted 11/16/2019 21:24 PM

Holidays are coming soon and I'm dreading what to do with it. Add to that, our anniversary is a few days before Christmas. Since it's only supposed to be our 2nd year of marriage, most friends and families will definitely remember.

I'm dreading the happy anniversary greetings Where do I go to spend my holidays. New year is my favorite holiday and we talked about spending this year to finally have that long delayed official honeymoon. Now I don't know. I know my family will be happy to have me over, but I feel like I want to escape (at least for now) the usual what the f happened.

Any tips on what to do? Where to go? What did you do or plan to do on yours? I'm thinking of going away on my own to some place I've never been into, but I'm not so sure.

sunwillshine posted 11/17/2019 01:57 AM

On the first anniversary we had after discovery (our 18th) I wanted a vacation to be a distraction more than anything else. We went to Mexico and created some new memories. It was pretty difficult, too. Now that we are this far out we look back and laugh at some of the rough times.

Others will come along with very different ways they handled it. You get to choose what is best for you.

Maudlin posted 11/17/2019 03:14 AM

I took my dog camping the first anniversary (our 22nd) after D Day. Stayed gone 4 days, Iíd told everyone so no ďhappy anniversaryĒ type Facebook posts thank god. FYI, this is why you tell people. No reason to have to put on a happy face and embrace even more pain than the fucker already inflicted, IMO.

For Christmas I said Iím taking the kids to my parents, period. I recently told him he will have them Thanksgiving, letís just start now dropping the facade there will be any happy family holidays. There wonít.

Go somewhere alone! No reason you canít, and itís nice, I travel alone quite a bit.

lovesucks posted 11/19/2019 14:53 PM

Growing up rather poor the holidays were always a source of depression, but more so after the affair. Itís been almost 5 years since the second DD and almost 20 years since the first DD. So part of me looks at the passing years getting ready for the next time. The affairs she had started around our 7th year of marriage and then after finding out it was about 11 years before her next affair. I keep hoping for the pain it caused me that perhaps with my age I wonít be alive when the third one come along. The holidays are always the hard days you put the smile on your face to hide that your crying inside. You get to a point that you feel dead inside. I find it hard to go to wedding because when I hear them say their vows I wonder which won will be sleeping around first.

Sorry Iím so ďcheerfulĒ, just one of those days. They donít seem to get any better with time. Itís funny too that I was at a conference not long ago and hanging out in a lounge with groups of attendees enjoying what I thought was one nice evening for a change. As things broke up and we heading to our rooms one of the ladies at the table came and asked if I want to go back to her room. I told her the I was married and her response was, ďIím married too but neither one of the was here so we could just have some funĒ. I walked away with it all of the past just flooding my mind. I guess fidelity is the rarity today.

fareast posted 11/19/2019 15:29 PM


You need to get away. Go someplace with a friend that you will enjoy. Your WH has treated you with incredible cruelty. You can tell your family and friends the truth. Do not cover up for the POS and the OW. People deserve the truth. You have nothing to be ashamed of. People will understand and support your needs. If it were me I would post the simple truth on sm:

ď I know many of you are sending good wishes on what would have been our 2nd anniversary. I regret to say that my WH had a year long A in which he fathered an out of wedlock child with the OW and has abandoned me. I will survive and find a real man in my life. Wish me luck on my new beginnings.Ē

My niece did something similar when her cheating WH left, and received an outpouring of support. Focus on your future. Enjoy your holidays. Do not let these horrid people rob you of your joys in life moving forward. They are the ones who should be ashamed. Good luck.

hopefullife posted 11/19/2019 18:47 PM

@lovesucks Same, whenever I hear about engagements and marriages now all I think about is that it doesn't mean anything. Doesn't ensure commitment.

@Maudlin @fareast, thank God I don't have social media. Nothing to post on my end. I suppose on his social media, there will be, especially since our anniversary is his birthday too.

It's the face to face meetups and gatherings that are too cruel for me right now. I don't think I'd like to plague holidays, especially Christmas and New Year, with something so horrible to talk or even think about. Hence I just want to go away on my own and soul search, spend some alone quality time. My family knows. His family knows. Our closest friends know. Others don't yet. It's even hard reconnecting with old friends, they ask about married life and it aches deep.

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