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BetterTimesAhead posted 12/1/2019 18:16 PM

This is my year of firsts since DDay was in Feb of this year. We hosted Thanksgiving. It went well yet all I could think of is how WH ruined all this. That this might be the last one we have as a family since we are in limbo and I refuse to remain there much longer. All I could think is how could he be so selfish to not think of his family and destroy us without a second thought? Also thinking how sad I was and watching everyone else have such a good time wishing I could too. It was difficult to say the least. My family knows we are having trouble but does not know of the infidelity - not yet. I think Christmas will be more of the same, and after that coming up on one year since DDay. This will be a really difficult couple months.

Atg100 posted 12/1/2019 19:44 PM

I am sorry that you had an awful Thanksgiving.
Again, he missed an opportunity to shine.
You wrote, that you won't put up with it much more, but at the same time are concerned that there will be a tough two months.
So I'm guessing that you wont decide before Xmas is over.
That's a very tough deal.
Your birthday was without great input from him; you just made it through Thanksgiving.
Christmas won't be better.
But you are stoic.
Make this year's Christmas about your son and your dog and if you WH wants to place in your heart, he has to earn it

[This message edited by Atg100 at 7:46 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]

BetterTimesAhead posted 12/2/2019 10:21 AM

Yes, a tough two months because I will not ruin my son's Christmas. I will deal with it longer so the holidays don't always bring up sad memories for him. Unlike WH, I am not selfish and consider others in my decisions. Do I expect things to change in the next couple months? Realistically, no. I am a pragmatist. So I will make the best of it and look at it all with fresh eyes after the new year. I know you make sure my eyes are open and I appreciate it. I am past the hopium and am just trying to figure out my future now.

Wintergarden posted 12/2/2019 10:28 AM

BetterTimesAhead I completely understand where you are coming from. These are tough times, we know what the outcome will be, there is no changing it, but it doesn't make the present any easier. Sending you hugs.

Atg100 posted 12/2/2019 13:22 PM

BTA:

If you haven't see a lawyer.
If you are saying , that you want to see what the future holds, you need to get your facts together.
Worst time of the year to do this sort of thing, however, when its time to make decisions, you will have done your homework.

Listen to people here on SI: if you should decide to separate, then be assured that things will get better.

BetterTimesAhead posted 12/2/2019 14:31 PM

Thank you Wintergarden. Hugs to you too.

Atg, I am getting my ducks in a row. I have been doing as suggested on SI. I do realize he may never change and as sad as it makes me, I am prepared to do what I need to do when I am ready. I have support, I go to IC and MC which both give me a lot of insight and objective perspective. If separation is in my future, I hope you are right and it will get better. Even though it's been months, it's all still so surreal to me.

totallydumb posted 12/2/2019 22:38 PM

Unfortunately BTA I don't have any great advice to give you at this time.

Just letting you know that I am here and "hear" what you are saying and that you know there are others who have been in your footsteps before you.

I know it is cliché, but try and enjoy the holidays with your son, no matter what your WH does (or doesn't do).