On about night 4 of "official" separation and it's agonizing. Wife and I have been married 11 yrs and have one child. Her drinking and illness have been stressful and she has accused me of being cold when she was ill and emotionally abusive for being upset when she was regularly unable to care for our child and household. She was also sexually assaulted 4 yrs ago and never received counseling.
I suspected and confirmed my wife texting and eventually calling another man-- a high school friend living in her home town across country. I confronted her and she said he was just a friend, but she said was done and wanted a divorce. I initially said I was pretty much done too and slept on the couch a few nights before realizing and very strongly believing I wanted to fight for our marriage. I began showering her with affection in the form of gifts, notes and physical touch. I started IC as well, though she refused to seek any counseling and accused me of waiting too long to get help. I thought we were slowly moving in the right direction when I caught her planning to meet him in another city. She went through with the trip and made the affair physical.
She filed for divorce but made no plans or orders before taking another trip where she would again see him. Shortly after her returning home, he essentially said he only had time to be her friend (how thoughtful). I hoped we could work on reconciliation as he was out of the picture, but she was not interested.
All throughout, we have remained amicable and even enjoyed each others company. She has said it's like we are best friends, but "it's different" and she doesn't have romantic feelings anymore. I argue this is actually a deeper connection, but she says it is just comfortable. She has frequently wanted to cuddle and initiated intimacy.
I finally agreed to a separation as I suspected she was again talking to someone. My affection was also sometimes wanted and sometimes shunned, making me a wreck. She has also frequently gone out dancing and made new friends, some being males who I have caught texting her. I said I would no longer sit home while she went out until 2am, and was ready for a separation. She delayed the weekend we had planned to start, and that same weekend went out until 5:30am.
It's taken a few weeks since to work out details, but we now share an apartment, switching out 50/50 to be with our daughter in our home. I'm certain she's talking to someone again and believe this one is local and physical. WE started couples therapy but she's not certain she wants reconciliation (and has not admitted there's anyone else in the picture.)
I know she's giving me little to work with, but I'm a wreck when she's away. I still love her and want to save our family. I'm certain she'll take full advantage of her freedom now that we are apart and it makes me physically sick with anxiety.
I'm a great Dad, and taking advantage of every minute with my amazing daughter. Meanwhile, mommy failed to call and talk to her tonight. Back to being Dad, thanks for letting me vent!