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The Aftermath... Months Later

BeenBetrayed5 posted 12/5/2019 15:21 PM

Hey ya'll! I am not sure if you guys remember me, but I haven't been here in months. I will keep my story short and sweet for those who don't know. My boyfriend cheated on me back in May, well April, and I found out in May. He was sleeping with some random girl that he met, and it lasted a few weeks. His sister found out and told me about it. I was 5-6 months pregnant when I found out. I kicked him out of the house, he and his step-daughter. It was a very rocky road, as I went back and forth with cutting him out of my life. He also dabbled in drug issues (alcohol and cocaine) and chose to go and mess around with other girls (this is after we had broken up). He fell into a great depression after I left him. I was depressed too, being a newly pregnant single mother.. I wanted him and I to work things out on a deeper level, I never voiced that to him, as I had broken up with him and wasn't sure what route I wanted to go down. We stayed broken up for roughly a month, until he made multiple attempts to see me, but couldn't see to make any commitments to me. It was clear he wanted to have his fun time (with drugs and girls) and I wasn't in his line of sight.

In mid-july he came back full-force, practically begging me to come back. Made many promises to quit the drugs and any other girl he had seen. He wasn't involved with any one intensely, he was just meeting people at bars. And I of course, was seeing no one. As I didn't want to in my condition. There was a point in time when I didn't even want to be with him.

Anyways, he came back. We spent lots of time together at our old house, he would stay, and we were seeing a therapist weekly. He expressed how he wanted to make strides to change. I believe that he truly meant this. He literally was bending over backwards for me doing everything I needed from him. We did decide toward the end of August, that we wanted to get back together. His daughter moved back home as well, and she began 2nd grade. And life seemed to go back to normal. Our beautiful baby was born on September 16th. Things got hard because of the baby, but he was there. And helping. Giving me time to sleep. He would say mean things when he was upset, but later would apologize. He did what a man is supposed to do for his family. Worked long days, came home and spent time with his family. Went to bed. He never really left the house and would feel guilty any time he did and return within an hour of leaving. I knew he wasn't hurting me like he had before.

We have just moved into a bigger house (we needed an extra bedroom for a nursery) and things almost seem better than they have ever been. He touches base with me all day about how I am doing, and what he is doing. He is affectionate, loving, and caring toward me. He is attentive to mine and the baby's needs. He cooks dinner most nights and helps me with house chores.

I guess the reason I am here, is that I still feel stuck. Even though things are great, and we've connected in new ways, those feelings of hurt, anger, rejection, deep pain, all still are there. They don't seem to be going away. They are lingering and I'm wondering if they will ever dissipate. I wonder if there will ever be a time in the back of my mind where I will stop questioning his whereabouts. Even though he tells me where he'll be and to fact check him if I need too. We've gotten in fights don't get me wrong. We are still working, it is such a process. I wouldn't have given him a second shot if it weren't for the birth of our baby.

It's almost been 6 months since he cheated, and I love him, but I am scared there is still a secret side of him that I don't see. My insecurities overwhelm me and take over me. Will I ever get over this? Will we ever fully recover?

The answer scares me.

BeenBetrayed5 posted 12/5/2019 15:26 PM

Let me also add that he did in fact quit doing any type of drugs and has only had a few beers (literally) since us getting back together. He held true on his promises. I just don't know if I can move past the hurt. I still look at the facebook profile of the girl he cheated with daily. I think about him leaving me again. Have dreams of him destroying our lives. I just reminded him again to not cheat as I will leave him and never return. Which I will. I will never return. I don't know when I will move past this.

BetterTimesAhead posted 12/5/2019 16:16 PM

Has he done any work on himself? I know he is showing you more attention and affection, but has he done anything to figure out why he cheated? If he doesn't find out why and work on changing it, I would think the possibility for him to cheat again is pretty strong. This is maybe why you are so uncertain. Seems to me he is just rugsweeping - forget about what I did, I'm good now and I'm going to be good to you. Whatever his issues were that caused him to cheat in the first place need to be dealt with. I know that is what makes me uneasy about my WH and whether or not I will R, whether he can be a safe partner.

annb posted 12/5/2019 17:50 PM

I agree with the above poster.

You cannot trust him yet, it will take YEARS, not months.

What else has he done beside help with the housework and quit drugs? Read any books? Counseling for himself? Ask friends to hold him accountable?

Are you sure he isn't just in it for the stability of his step-daughter?

Is he still going to bars? Has he given you access to his phone, email, social media?

Keep your eyes wide open, right now he still is not a safe partner for you. Only time will tell.

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