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3rd time is the last time

Sallyjay posted 12/8/2019 16:34 PM

This morning, I saw his secret email in-box... I couldn't read any of the threads, but it's not a secret in-box because he's using it to sell stuff on kijiji...
I confronted him about it, he denied it at first, then slept it off for a few hours and when I asked him again, he admitted it... He'd been seeing escorts for the last year and a half... a few times, here and there, a few different escorts... I know there's more to it than that... Cause he refuses to give me the password so I can see for myself!!! RED FLAG!!!
All of this most definitely hurts, since this isn't the first time... but this is the last time... I can't put my heart through this ever again!!! I was just starting to get better, feel better about myself, get back to work, enjoy things again, start trusting him again... I dont know how I didn't see it, or know about it!
My son is devastated!! Hes 10 and a half now and hes very much aware of what's happening,
Theres no hiding it... He doesn't want us to get separated, but I just cant put myself through this again...
It's going to be hard, but at least now, I can move on... I can stop trying to repair damage I didnt cause and just move on with my life... find someone who will truly love me and will treat me like the Queen that I am!!!
I'm done begging for his attention, begging him to not get drunk every night... Wondering if he is cheating again... Wondering when the other shoe will drop... Its over... I cant do this again...

nekonamida posted 12/8/2019 16:42 PM

Sally, can you bring your son to a counselor so that he can get some support in this change in his life? His feelings are normal. He's only 10. He doesn't understand that what he's asking of you is impossible and has lifelong ramifications that are worse for him than D. But maybe counselor can help him see it a little differently and help him accept his new reality without blaming you.

barcher144 posted 12/8/2019 16:58 PM

can you bring your son to a counselor so that he can get some support in this change in his life

Totally this. Maybe see an LMFT together?

Also, get a good lawyer and get out. You and your son will be better off.

I am sorry about the reason that you are here, but I hope that you get the support that you need.

skeetermooch posted 12/8/2019 17:13 PM

Sally,
I'm so sorry that you and your son are going through this. I know this is going to be a tough transition for you son but seeing you model healthy boundaries and how women should and shouldn't be treated is going to make a good man out of that boy.

Living with someone who is a drunk, a liar and a cheat, who neglects his wife is more damaging than leaving.

He sucks and you gave him every opportunity. You are still so young and have so much life ahead of you to live with out this ball and chain around your neck.

ThisIsSoLonely posted 12/9/2019 09:12 AM

Mentally I think the second time was the last for me. The third time (same married co worker) was really the nail in the coffin. I didnít care as much and realized that he will never change or if he does I wonít be around for it. I alternate between feeling sorry for the broken person that he is and being disgusted with him. I feel better about me, knowing that once I too was broken but I HAVE changed and accepted who I am and what I will tolerate in life and what I wonít. We donít have kids together thankfully but that wouldnít change my opinion of what I am doing with my life. He wants to live in denial and pretend land and well...I canít change that. I still miss what I hoped we would have. What I thought we had. Youíre entitled to do the same. Take care of yourself and your kids and get on with getting on.

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