SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Divorce/Separation

Chili posted 12/14/2019 10:25 AM

So I'm posting this from a t/j I made yesterday.

Saw long-time IC for my annual pre-holiday tune-up and he suggested some ideas for dealing with those family members/people in your life who get under your skin. They are not going to change, so let's use their predictability for our advantage. I'm a big believer in taking away the sting of things by finding the humor, so this game is perfect.

Disclaimer: he did not invent this idea, but boy did we sure perfect it in hysterical ways for me.

Get an index card or something else that will fit in your pocket. Make a column for each of the likely offending folk and list out those behaviors in each row. (If you have more than one celebration - make cards for each! Or just one offending person - give them the whole card on their own.) Then - see if you can get a row or two. Or the ultimate goal of a coverall! (I'm making bets I get a coverall in rapid fashion )

Here's a few of mine:

1. Appearance of the martyr - includes some reference of "all I do," "how much work all of ____ was." Bonus square: refusing to let you pick up any of the heavy load or to help.

2. Goes hand in hand with - "let me do that, you're not doing it right."

3. Blatant or thinly-veiled sibling comparison.

4. Repeating "how wonderful it is we are all together" when they have intentionally excluded someone from the celebration.

So instead of letting these things get you twitchy - you can exclaim in your head "Ooh ooh I got that one." Secretly whip out your card and fill the square. If people look at you and wonder why you're giggling hysterically respond with "I'm just goofy." Or, "I'm completely overcome with the holiday spirit."

Half the fun is making out the card and preparing yourself for what you know will probably come to pass. Some of my squares in the past would have been things like: "When are you going to have children?" "How is your Ex doing these days?" "Any stereotypical comment about a group of *them* or *theys*."

If you have an ally in the situation, it could be great fun to see who can win.

Anyone willing to share what might be on their own cards?

BearlyBreathing posted 12/14/2019 11:13 AM

We did this with a horrible boss. Was hilarious when someone would yell out bingo from a cube after one of his emails ...

Humor is a great diffuser. Love this idea.

[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 2:59 AM, December 15th, 2019 (Sunday)]

nekonamida posted 12/14/2019 14:59 PM

Thank you so much for this, Chili! My MIL has been seriously ramping up lately and I think my husband and I will bring this and see if we win.

[This message edited by nekonamida at 2:59 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]

Bleu posted 12/14/2019 20:41 PM

This is amazing. I could make one and use it daily for the STBXWH. Love it!

Chili posted 12/14/2019 20:55 PM

Bleu - Don't forget to use Bearly's idea and holler out Bingo from random rooms in the house.

Bleu posted 12/14/2019 20:57 PM

This will get me through the next few weeks!

crazyblindsided posted 12/16/2019 12:59 PM

Ooooh I love this!

Ok my card for STBX is 'Father of the Year' - look at me outdo you with all the special things I do for the kids. I am superdad and spend the most money and do the funnest things woohoo!

Runner up would definitely be 'The Martyr'- look at how sad I am and alone during the holidays this year. Poor me wah I am just the saddest man because my wife is leaving me after working so hard *ahem* on the M all these years. See how she doesn't appreciate me.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:00 PM, December 16th (Monday)]