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Family Models

Bleu posted 12/17/2019 07:38 AM

I've been wondering this for awhile. I come back to it as I unpack and see what I can learn from this nearly over complete.

STBXW and I grew up in different types of homes. I saw a fluid model where the parents took on the roles needed. When one worked more, the other took on more home responsibilities.

He grew up in a traditional home. I think he carried those expectations into our home but he did not hold himself to the responsibility. He wasn't a breadwinner.

In the end, he was responsible for more of the household duties since he worked a very part-time job.

I believe he expected me to take on more household duties along with working 50+ hours and all the "invisible labor" moms do (i.e. house management, school management, child development).

I'm wondering what others have experienced.

barcher144 posted 12/17/2019 17:44 PM

Well, I snarkily claim that I have turned into an amateur psychologist the past few years.

The one thing from family models that seems very common is that we all seem to find someone like our opposite-gendered parent (I am not smart enough to know how this works for GLBT people, sorry...).

For example, I married (two different times) someone with similar personality traits as my mother (narcissistic). My GF has married and dated alcoholics almost exclusively (her dad was an alcoholic).

I don't know about household duties though.

I know that my STBXW basically was raised by her mother to think of men as stupid and lazy, and so she is trying to claim that I am stupid and lazy.

I don't know.... I am going to hit send... but I am just babbling, I promise.

ShatteredSakura posted 12/17/2019 18:40 PM

The one thing from family models that seems very common is that we all seem to find someone like our opposite-gendered parent

Then there's the other conventional wisdom that men marry women like their mothers lol.

But seriously, this also describes me too. There are lots of aspects WW reminds me of my mom, but she is more like my dad, it's really weird. Too bad she doesn't have the *good* attributes my dad (which IMO outweighs any of his negative).

I saw a fluid model where the parents took on the roles needed.

I had a combination of traditional + fluid. My mom became a SAHM when she had my sister and I, but my dad helps with stuff around the house she can't do (she's had back/spine issues for 20 years now, so can't do heavy lifting). The important bit is they both contributed to the household.

I ended up in a situation where we both worked, but she expected me to do 100% the cooking and cleaning, and rarely lifted a finger to do any sort of domestic responsibilities.

Bleu posted 12/17/2019 22:00 PM

Barcher144,

Lol. He used to say the men usually grow up and marry their women like their mothers but he married a woman more like his father. I, on the other hand, inadvertently married someone with some similar traits as my father.

Amazing. I hope to fix my picker.

ShatteredSakura,

Hmmm . . . am I like his dad with some qualities of his mother or like his mother with some qualities of his dad.

I think the former. So interesting.

[This message edited by Bleu at 10:01 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)]

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