SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Divorce/Separation

Incarnate posted 12/22/2019 10:52 AM

I want to preface this by saying that we haven't argued in a little while, mostly due to my absolute avoidance of her.

But when we did argue, no matter what I said, I never once told her she was a bad mother. I never once criticized her body. I never once mocked her mental illnesses or trauma.

I was ruminating this morning... I'm good at that. In all of our arguments, she attacks the intrinsic parts of me. I'm too fat, I'm a shitty lay, I'm a bad father, I'm bald and ugly and unattractive, I'm weak and whiny for having C-PTSD and anxiety and depression and hypervigilance, I'll never sleep with anyone ever again unless it is "fat old ugly cat women who reek of cat shit."

I dont get how someone can resort to that kind of cruelty. The worst I have done was call her a whore when she threatened to call 10 guys to come over and run a train on her to spite me.

I dont get it. I just dont understand how the once kind and wonderful mother of my children just shifted into this absolute monster of hatred.

skeetermooch posted 12/22/2019 11:20 AM

Hi Incarnate,

My STBX calls be names, ie. you're an idiot, insults my character, says I'm stupid, etc. He didn't do this before Dday.

I don't call names as a rule. I have called him cheater and a liar - but yeah, can't really argue with that. Still, I almost always address behavior and not the person with the exception of when I first found out and I flipped out.

Once they are found out, boundaries are put in place and they can't get away with it anymore as easily they are madder than wet cats. Since cheating is abuse, that makes them abusive people. Abuse takes many forms - they're just expanding their repertoire by throwing verbal and emotional abuse into the mix.

Also, cheating can be (maybe always) an act of aggression - at least in my STBX's place - he was evening the score for perceived slights on my part and historic slights from women going back to his extremely abusive mother. There's a lot of anger underneath their affairs - it's all a big fuck you to the BS.

Getting caught has unleashed utter rage in my STBX. The gloves are off. It's frightening and toxic.

[This message edited by skeetermooch at 11:21 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)]

J707 posted 12/22/2019 11:51 AM

It's who she is, who she's always been, just beneath the surface. You are public enemy number one, forever. It's a mindfuck. People don't just change like that, its who they are. My ex has absolutely zero concerns about our daughters severe anxiety and depression, straight cold hearted shit. I never did IHS but when you can finally move and not have to see or hear the verbal abuse from your stbx, it becomes easier to breath and clarity becomes clearer. I was called everything in the book too, it's just an emotionally immature reaction because obviously you are so horrendous and everything is your fault. Its uncalled for but once again, its who they are. Hang in there!

ZenMumWalking posted 12/22/2019 12:04 PM

Fuck that BS, don't let her cruel words get to you - don't take the bait. Just keep ignoring, NC and stay with the high road.

I'm so sorry that she is being so crappy, you don't deserve that.

((((Incarnate))))