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Need advice

Jon1974 posted 12/25/2019 14:37 PM

Hi everyone,

I have a situation that I need some advice on. My partner works with this lady she is one of his managers. She recently gave him a Christmas card that said a lot of nice things about him and she signed it Love xoxo. Also he gave me a $100 gift card that was given to him as one of his bonuses but the top part of the envelope of the gift card was ripped off. Afterwards I found it and it says it was from her as well and she put To: His name and w/love next to it. I have a bad feeling about this relationship. It also doesnít help that he lied to me about who the card was from. Iím not sure what to think. Before this she called him one Friday night when we were together when he just started working there to make sure that she had his number right (this is before she was his manager) and asked him what he was doing it was around 9 or 10pm. He told her he was at a coffee place and that was it. Iím scared to check his phone because of what I may find and itís an invasion of privacy. Keep in mind he never works late or anything he comes home every night, but he spends most of his day with this person so who knows what can go on at his job site. I need some advice as to what to do. Anything will help, I feel lost and I have so much anxiety because of this. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,

Jon

TheGuy123 posted 12/25/2019 14:53 PM

Don't confront him until you have more proof of the extent of this "thing".

The red flags you just mention pretty much took away any privacy your H has....in addition there is no privacy in a M so go a head and protect your M by doing the investigation you need to do.

Now is not a time to be scared...now is the time to protect your self from further/additional betrayal and fight for your self and stop this emotional abuse you are going through.

You want as much evidence as you can get so you can have an effective confrontation with your H and expose the affair to the other women's husband /boyfriend.

Again now is time to find your strength and stop being scared....It's time to go "James Bond" on your old man.

The facts will give you the power to expose this effectively so look through the phone, emails, and get the voice activated recorder and plant it in his car.....

Sure it will be painful but with out solid proof of an affair be it emotional or physical you can't control the out come of the confrontation.

Trust me....CHEATERS LIE!!!!!

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 2:55 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

burninghouse posted 12/25/2019 14:57 PM

More people will come along with advice, and it may be slower than usual since it's Christmas. Hang in there!

The "Love xoxo" and "with love" plus the lie and gift, and his not mentioning he was with you Friday night when she called are worrisome. Also why would his manager call him on a Friday night and ask what he's doing?

These are all red flags.

I have a bad feeling about this relationship.

Please trust your gut feelings. Something is way off here. You have anxiety because your gut/intuition is telling you something is way off. Trust yourself.

Sorry I don't have more advice to offer, except please do not feel guilty about invasion of privacy. If you are in a committed relationship and he is cheating, you have every right to know!

((Jon1974)) --> hugs to you. I know this is very difficult stuff. Hang in there. More advice will be forthcoming.

TheGuy123 posted 12/25/2019 15:00 PM

Any guy who re gifts a gift card to his wife has zero respect for his wife.....confronting with out pictures, recordings, or some other hard proof is just another chance your old man can disrespect you again.

Can you afford a PI?

TheGuy123 posted 12/25/2019 15:03 PM

Also play nice, be normal, and pretend you are not on to him....it will be easier to get evidence when your H is off guard.

TheGuy123 posted 12/25/2019 15:03 PM

sorry double post

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 3:04 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

Hdb93 posted 12/26/2019 19:10 PM

I personally believe the privacy thing only pertains to certain situations... what he says to other women is your business. What he says to his parents or siblings might deserve privacy. I know what you mean by being afraid to check though. There were so many times I didn't check my WS's phone and I certainly regret not finding out sooner. It only makes things harder, I promise. Just prepare yourself for the worst when you make that decision.

Jesusismyanchor posted 12/27/2019 09:10 AM

I donít agree with the notion that is an invasion of privacy. I can guarantee you one thing, Where did you get the notion from that it is an invasion? From him? I think maybe you are scared about what you will find because The Ďbad feelingí you mentioned is extremely important thing for you to listen to. It is often for a real reason. Being scared doesnít change anything if something has already happened. It is a matter of finding out the truth. If nothing is happening you would be relieved. If something is you deserve to know and protect your health and yourself. I think the worst thing would be for you to stay right where you are.

Do not tell him you suspect anything and start digging. Look for evidence ok his phone, hire a PI, get a VAR., check computers, emails. Phone records...whatever you can think of to find anything to either prove him honest or a liar. You Jane already said he lead lied so time to look and not trust him. Sorry.

PSTI posted 12/27/2019 16:50 PM

The red flags you just mention pretty much took away any privacy your H has....in addition there is no privacy in a M so go a head and protect your M by doing the investigation you need to do.

I think that the concept there is no privacy in a marriage is beyond appalling. Everyone deserves their privacy.

However, I do agree that this absolutely merits further investigation. You have more than a reasonable suspicion that something is going on, and I think that trumps privacy.

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