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Best Post i have read all month.

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dblackstar2002 posted 1/29/2020 10:55 AM

Hope this is not against the rules, But I had to share this post. I hope it helps someone...

I (32F) came close. So close to making the biggest mistake of my life. I wanted to share my story to hopefully give those questioning infidelity to have the courage to go nuclear on their suspicions.

One year ago I began being very close to a coworker. I was having feelings for him and I know he was with me. We began texting frequently (not sexual). We were sneaking around meeting each other. All emotional. Never physical. Believe me I wanted it.

My husband became suspicious of my cell phone use. Being gone a lot more. Working late. Being distant. Excuses for not being intimate, etc. As is his approach, calmly questioned me. Never mad, never untrusting. I always had an answer. I thought I was playing this right.

Out on nowhere, he confronted me. Only said he was moving out, and planning to leave. This was after 7 years of marriage and two toddlers. His words.....” You’ve checked out and I am not waiting around to be cheated on. You’re clearly not committed to your family or me.” I tried to spin things and make excuses, etc. He said (paraphrase) “ I don’t have evidence, I follow my gut. I have known you for 10 years and I know what’s going on. Please do not make this worse by lying.”

So he literally moved out. Left me, the kids, took all his clothes and many belongings and was gone.

The first week I was worried and scared. I talked to my AP and he was supportive but at the same time calling my husband unstable, immature. Belittling him. I was confused.

This continued, the next week. Completely blacked out by my husband. I was so distraught. AP kept spinning this in a positive light. Good for me to move on, etc.

By the third week, I could not sleep at all. Could not eat. Could not function. My AP called and it was like I was hit with a bat. I told him I need to work on my marriage. I told him I did not have another second of my time to spend on him. Every bit of me needs to be focused on my husband and our marriage. I never felt better.

It took me a day, but I mustered the courage to send my husband a text. I admitted to having feelings. Came clean with my lying and told him the whole truth. I poured my guts out.

He eventually agreed to move back and with a lot of counseling things have gotten beyond better. I am the wife and mother I wanted and need to be.

So here’s my message to those who have suspicions. Don’t wait until you have an iron clad case. Trust your gut and take action. Draw a line in the sand and stay firm. I thank God everyday for giving my husband the courage to act swiftly, and decisively- to give me a wake up call. Honestly, my trauma lingers from realizing how close I came to ruining my life and the lives of those I care most about. I lie awake at night thinking about it and how my husband is my true hero.

Please, please don’t tip toe around this. It pains me to read when people know what’s going on but need iron clad evidence to have the courage to confront.

nscale56 posted 1/29/2020 11:21 AM

Yes we know, it was a choice or decision not a mistake. Thought I'd get that out of the way before the usual semantics lesson.

dblackstar2002 posted 1/29/2020 11:54 AM

I think the point she was making is, If you spouse wants to cheat, They will find a way to cheat. Your only choice is to either shock them out of this or let it go to it's inevitable conclusion! Either way, You won't be in the hell of limbo and can move forward....

Westway posted 1/29/2020 11:59 AM

Good post. Refreshing.

Stevesn posted 1/29/2020 12:43 PM

That BH is truly a hero in his own life story and the lives of his kids and yes, his WW.

GoldenR posted 1/29/2020 14:22 PM


I saw this and wasn't sure I believed it. Most WWs in an EA that are wanting it to go PA would take the time away from their BH to get their fuck on with their AP.

If true, the only reason she didn't physically cheat is bc she ran out of time. She most definitely was going to cheat.

dblackstar2002 posted 1/29/2020 14:40 PM

As I and my other have stated. If your spouse wants to cheat trust me, They will find a way to cheat! Why do you think most people are here! Leaving just gets them where they was already on the way to faster, And you further along the road out of infidelity no matter how you look at it. Staying has never stopped a cheater who wanted to cheat form cheating....

DoinBettr posted 1/29/2020 14:50 PM

I can't believe it took 3 weeks for her to remove her head from her butt.
That must have really hurt him.

thatbpguy posted 1/29/2020 17:47 PM

I've been saying this for years. You don't necessarily need hard evidence. A refusal to show a phone or many other things is plenty of evidence.

Carissima posted 1/29/2020 18:19 PM

If this is (and I have my doubts) there are 2 things which struck me.

Firstly good on him for taking action.

Secondly, he blanked his young children for 3 weeks, left them without a second thought. Who knows how long the affair could have gone on for! Not too impressed with that.

GoldenR posted 1/29/2020 18:24 PM

Carissima -

I thought the same thing.

Mene posted 1/29/2020 23:58 PM

Sounds like horse shit. Not many parents leave two toddlers on the suspicion their spouse is having an affair.

[This message edited by Mene at 11:59 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)]

sleepylove posted 1/30/2020 00:57 AM

Not buying this. Went dark on his kids for 3 weeks? Really?

Butforthegrace posted 1/30/2020 05:33 AM

A BS should never attempt some psychological gambit to "shock them out of it". Stupid idea, and bass-ackward focus. The BS should take care of the BS, and move him or herself out of infidelity.


I do agree that a BS doesn't "need" proof to take action, but many BS's feel that they want proof and I understand why, that desire to resolve the cognitive dissonance between the person you think you know, love, and trust, on the one hand, and the person your objective mind is observing, on the other.

[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 5:37 AM, January 30th (Thursday)]

dblackstar2002 posted 1/30/2020 06:10 AM

What the heck are some of you talking about? People leave their cheaters all the time! And yes some with toddlers and newborns! And no where did she say he did not see his kid! She said he had no interactions with her! Some of you are reading into this to suit you point of view. Just stick whit what she has posted and not speculate into what is not in her post.

dblackstar2002 posted 1/30/2020 06:17 AM

And even if he did leave them for three weeks, Which I doubt. Unless his wife was severely unstable. I am sure he knew thy were in good hands! For god sake the man need to get away from his wife, And this is what you focus on? Again he is not the fist person to do this an I am sure he won't be the last. He should be commended for taking decisive action and be belittled by picking holes in how he did it....

dblackstar2002 posted 1/30/2020 06:55 AM

A BS should never attempt some psychological gambit to "shock them out of it".

I don't think that was his intention at all. He explained himself quite well. He saw his wife had checked out of the marriage, So he took the steps he thought he should to protect himself and move on if he needed to. How you see this as some type of psychological game is beyond me.

ShutterHappy posted 1/30/2020 07:01 AM

Call me cynical, but I get the impression that she posted this to get some "ego kibbles", expecting replies such as "congratulations for doing the right thing "

The reality is that she’s a wayward, and quite broken.

dblackstar2002 posted 1/30/2020 07:05 AM

Shutter Happy, I Can't speak to why she posted this. But I do agree, She is broken and she need to find out why she did what she did. Otherwise she will repeat this pattern...

dblackstar2002 posted 1/30/2020 07:06 AM

The BS should take care of the BS, and move him or herself out of infidelity.

Isn't that what he did by getting distance to figure out what he wanted to do????

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