"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

throwmeawaynow98 posted 2/6/2020 20:47 PM

June 2020, the divorce should be final by then, but two very good mutual friends will be getting married and my STBXW and I will be in the party. A long ways to go here, but anyone ever deal with something similar? Advice for approaching this?

Other than house and figuring out bills, furniture, insurance, etc. my WW and I do not need to talk. I've been doing the 180 for a good month plus and it helps tremendously, I just know in the back of my head this wedding is going to be here in a few months.

GoldenR posted 2/6/2020 22:41 PM

I would just make sure they don't pair you guys up to walk down the aisle together.

Other than that, just avoid each other and let the couple enjoy their day.

ShatteredSakura posted 2/6/2020 22:42 PM

Probably like any other divorced couple. Get seated at different tables and ignore.

For a brief moment I was thinking AP and not WS. Now that would be a really fun wedding with the fisticuffs that would ensue.

Marz posted 2/6/2020 23:05 PM

Probably like any other divorced couple. Get seated at different tables and ignore.

You’re only good path

nothisfriend posted 2/7/2020 07:43 AM

Your WS is not the person you were married to so this person is just an acquaintance of your friends. You don't need to talk or interact and if she approaches you I think there is someone across the room that you really need to go say hello to. Be polite, like you would with any stranger. Grey rock. But don't let her chase you away from being with the people you want to see. She's a ghost in the room.

Minnesota posted 2/7/2020 09:58 AM

I think you can do anything for one day. If you have to interact and make polite noises and be civil and act like you don't hate each other, you can do it for one day for the sake of your mutual friends. This day is not about you, or your XWW, it's about the people you're going to support. It's just for one day. It doesn't mean you have to consider getting back together or hang out afterwards. It's just one day. In the mean time, keep being proactive about your own emotional, spiritual, mental, physical health so you're in a good place when you get to the wedding. You continue to move on and be healthy and do the things that give you life.

You've got this. We're with you.

hansvoleman posted 2/7/2020 11:33 AM

Your WS is not the person you were married to so this person is just an acquaintance of your friends.

And an acquaintance about whom you have heard terrible things. You can have some fun with this. I did once use the line "My mother warned me about women like you" before i headed for the buffet when we were at a public function in company who didnt know we were formerly married.

Newlifeisgreat posted 2/9/2020 04:12 AM

Just be sure that your friends know not to team you and your STBXW up together.

Newlifeisgreat posted 2/9/2020 04:17 AM

Did you ever tell your in-laws the truth?

throwmeawaynow98 posted 2/9/2020 08:51 AM

NewLife, planning a meeting with my FIL this upcoming weekend. He has agreed to meet me, I'm not sure if he has tipped off WS, but I need to have this meeting to heal and really let go.

Tigersrule77 posted 2/10/2020 07:28 AM

The real question is how do YOU feel about it? If it causes you a lot of stress, you may want to talk to the couple and back out now, and they can replace you.

If you think you can handle being in the same building with her, then go for it. I agree with the others, you should certainly talk to the couple, let them know about your D and the reasons for it and ask not be paired for anything.

Depending on the size of the wedding, once dinner starts, you can ignore her like most of the other wedding guests.

99lawdog99 posted 2/10/2020 07:42 AM

I was in a similar situation. My ex fiancé's sister was getting married and we were both in the wedding party. Before the date, we broke up. Her sister was worried but I told her I had no problems and they just paired us up with different people. Didn't say a word to her the whole night and had fun. It's what you make of it.

throwmeawaynow98 posted 2/14/2020 20:25 PM

Tigersrule77, our friends both know the full story, and I've already committed to the wedding and I know I'll be comfortable enough to make it work. Good news is that they've already been open with me about making sure they will reconfigure the pairings and dinner table situations, it's just that other than some things with the house being sold and this wedding (we were only married a little over a year, no children), I don't have to see WW ever agin. The wedding could be the last time I see her, and 3+ months after D-Day, that doesn't bother me in the slightest.