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I donít want to share my kids!

Breakingapart posted 6/9/2020 18:43 PM

Is it just me...but I donít want to share my kids with this piece of shit ass that tore our family apart. A man with no integrity or moral code. What kind of example is he for my kids....living his ďhappyĒ life of no responsibilities....the law is so completely unjust! No fault my ass!!!!
Iím so pissed off!!! Why must I give up time with my beautiful babies when Iíve done nothing?!
Just venting.....

J707 posted 6/9/2020 19:10 PM

Unfortunately, it's part of all this shit. Is it fair, hell no! But unless there is a reason that he can't physically take care of the kids, there's nothing you can do.

I dealt with the same feeling, even having the AP around my kids, sleeping under the same roof sometimes. I didn't have a leg to stand on. Can't just say she was crazy and hes screwing my wife. Doesn't matter.

But I will say, in time, it got easier. It gave me time for myself. So when the kids were back with me, we had our time. Your kids are going to learn integrity and moral code from you, not him. My kids fully see who there mother is and who I am. Night and day. Your kids will too. Does it suck, yes. Is it your fault, no. Is he "happy" fuck no, it's all a delusion. Our kids do learn from us but also they are a lot smarter than we know, they will see it, if not now, down the road as they grow. The system is screwed up, it shouldn't be this way.

Breakingapart posted 6/9/2020 21:11 PM

Only my youngest (8) will see him or speak to him. My other 3 (11,13,15) donít want to see him and only my oldest has actually responded to a text....
It boggles my mind that he can live without seeing or speaking to them! Or you would think he could at least text me and ask how their day was, or tell them I love them....
His behaviour makes me sick!
Waiting for our separation agreement....dreading the fact that he wants and will have the right to see and take my kids! Iím so fucking angry at him and this system! He left...then leave and leave us the fuck alone!

homewrecked2011 posted 6/9/2020 22:11 PM

Depends on your state, but in my state he cannot have the kids around AP for the 1 year separation, and no overnights with a gf/bf unless married, for either parent!!

My only advice is to take every one of your weekends. Do not let him start to push boundaries to getting them all the time, especially if heís bored when OW is unavailable.

Later, In my case, he got so into OW that he 100% blew off my kids-all their activities, etc. it was truly heartbreaking to see my youngest look in the crowd for no Dad.

Now, 10 years old I have 2 college students, hard working sons. I gave them a very calm home where they could just be themselves. I also got them into IC where they could have their own personal time w/o their Dad trying to interfere.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 10:12 PM, June 9th (Tuesday)]

Breakingapart posted 6/9/2020 22:21 PM

Iím in Canada and those rules donít apply! Sucks!!!!

Breakingapart posted 6/9/2020 22:21 PM

Iím in Canada and those rules donít apply! Sucks!!!!

TheLostOne2020 posted 6/10/2020 07:57 AM

Breakingapart

Is it just me...but I donít want to share my kids with this piece of shit ass that tore our family apart. A man with no integrity or moral code. What kind of example is he for my kids....living his ďhappyĒ life of no responsibilities....the law is so completely unjust! No fault my ass!!!!
Iím so pissed off!!! Why must I give up time with my beautiful babies when Iíve done nothing?!
Just venting.....

It's definitely not just you. I don't want to share my kids with my STBXW. I feel like she voided her mother role when she started acting like a dumbass teenager. I know my kids still want her as their mother though.

Breakingapart posted 6/10/2020 11:40 AM

Itís bullshit! They get to act like idiots, and We are supposed to accept that they can have the kids when it suits their schedule! ?! He is blaming me for the kids not wanting to see him or speak to him and now is pushing to see the one kid who will see him more often. Iím so frustrated with this system. Iím so frustrated with being charged an arm and a leg to have advice that in the end will still cause me to lose time with my children. I didnít chose to leave....why should I be punished?

barcher144 posted 6/10/2020 16:14 PM

Just venting.....

I know that you are just venting and I get it. I do. Probably than you, in fact, because I only get my kids 30% of the time after my STBXW told scads of lies about me in court and began practicing parental alienation (or, as the custody evaluator described it... STBXW just made some "poor decisions").

That said, let me recommend that you start working on a different mindset.

Your kids need both of their parents. You are going to need to learn to smile and say "have a great time at Dad's!" and "Did you have a fun weekend?" when they return.

I truly despise my ex wife. I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. But, around the kids, I am nothing but encouraging for them to have a great relationship with their mother.

I wish you well. Being an adult and a parent sucks sometimes. But, we love our kids enough to do the right thing, right?

nekonamida posted 6/10/2020 17:46 PM

BA, you've been working on the agreement with a lawyer, right? What have they said about things like first right of refusal? What have they said about what age your kids need to be to decide which parent they stay with? What recourse will your kids have if they don't want overnights with your STBX?

Breakingapart posted 6/10/2020 18:13 PM

Barcher144 I do say those things when my little guy returns. Inside It kills me...but I do it. I just donít understand why I have to!
In terms of visits itís whatever is best for the kids....there is no age ( until 18) where they can say no. If you go to court they can express their wants but ultimately not their decision . That scares me because I may be forced to send them despite their wishes.....
Not sure what first right of refusal is?

Bleu posted 6/10/2020 21:23 PM

I.feel.the.same.way.

suckstobeme posted 6/15/2020 04:21 AM

It absolutely sucks and is extremely unfair. That said, I agree with the poster who said that kids need a relationship with both parents. I wish my ex understood that. I can only hope that yours will, that he will learn how to show his kids how important they are and that he wonít see them as an obligation. My ex has never gotten that and Iíve had a ring side seat to the pain it has caused my kids. While I canít stand him and I hate the fact that heís now married to OW, if given the choice, I would have wanted him to be more involved with my kids. He left and took on the responsibilities of her kids while blowing off his own.

My DS is now 17. He had a really hard time with it for a while and has now just accepted that dad is who he is so he is fine with the little bit of time he gets with him. It was a long road to get there but it still breaks my heart to see dadís with their kids and realize that he just tossed our son to the side. My DD is almost 13. She was the one who was more adjusted when she was little because she was only 3 when he left. Itís now catching up to her and and sheís really angry that heís taken on the role of step-parent to OWís two girls and, when pushed, will choose them over his own. He will go to every single soccer game for her kids - regardless of where itís held or how far he has to drive to get there - and reluctantly comes to DDís once a year dance recital. He actually used to leave when her routines were over and didnít even wait until the end. All the other dads were there waiting with hugs and flowers and DD didnít even believe he was there at all. This is just a drop in the bucket of examples I can give about how heís dropped the ball and how much it has hurt them. I donít understand and never will. The best I can guess is that he just gave up the minute he realized that his new blended family wasnít working out as he had hoped. OW is selfish and could care less that his kids donít come around. Thatís really what she wanted so I suppose his life is much easier without the stress that my kids cause because of their feelings over the divorce. Regardless, I still have no idea the mental gymnastics it must take to see and talk to your own flesh and blood on occasion, especially when theyíre kids. If I could change it, I would. I would hate every minute of having to be around him and her, but if it would have made for a better childhood for my kids and stop the hurt that theyíve had to endure, I would have done it in a heartbeat.

Just pray that this idiot takes his parenting responsibilities seriously and wants to make time for the kids. No matter which one is upset or how much they want to punish him, he is supposed to fix it. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that he wonít. Mine would go to counseling with the kids but was never willing to do what it took to fix it. In that case, get ready for another roller coaster ride and make sure that youíre the safe, sane parent who always shows up.

My kids still love their dad despite his awful choices and his shitty parenting skills. But they know the difference between me and him. They know the sacrifices Iíve made and that it hasnít been easy these last 10 years. When theyíre adults, I know that they would come running if I needed them. If he called, they might go to help him, but they would have to check their schedules first. Itís sad and baffling but I suppose it stands to reason that if someone treats you like an obligation, youíre eventually going to return the favor and treat them the exact same way.

Hang in there. Itíll get worse before it gets better but if heís as much of a cold hearted ass as my exwh, he will eventually turn into Uncle Dad and not have much to do with them anyway.

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