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Some insights from 12 years down the road

FaithFool posted 6/15/2020 14:59 PM

LONG STORY: This is for anyone just putting a toe in the D/S forum for the first time, and for everyone slogging through the seemingly endless process of dismantling life as you once knew it. There is light at the end of this tunnel!

Today is 12 years since D-Day for me. Not going to rehash all the gory details of that horrible day. Suffice to say it took a really long time to get through the worst of it with massive help from some very wise souls here on SI.

The residual sadness of the loss is now just a bit of scar tissue on a rather nice single life. It doesn't throb anymore, and I still have some 10-year-old Ativan in my stash that never got used.

Last year I did an arts residency that ran alongside one run by the final and most odious OW in my ex's loooong run of infidelities. I had to see that fugly picklepuss three times a day in the dining hall for three weeks. Imagine! Since I made it through the whole time without confronting her and perfected my RBF in the process, I consider that to be the ultimate test of me having no more fucks left to give.

Fast forward to today. Mr. Open Marriage Fucknut turned 60 this year, with two knee replacements and a career implosion in the music biz thanks to the Evil Beast Virus. His sustenance and health no longer concern me. I've had solid NC for several years now and it's the best thing ever.

I have a plan to move to a part of the country where I can actually afford to buy a house with a soul sister BFF of mine who is my age and also has no kids. Pooling our pensions with a small mortgage will mean we can live like queens, have our own space, and enjoy some companionship as we negotiate the downslope into old age. That's the plan anywho.

All, of course, put on hold due to the virus and all its complications.

I've been looking at having to wait out another year as a renter on my pension and dipping into the savings account that holds the down payment. First world problem. Worst case scenario we get a less nice house and have to live with that.

So yesterday my Irish cousin contacted me out of the blue. I don't have much communication with anyone on that side of the family aside from his younger sister on FB. Their dad was a twin brother to my favourite auntie, and my mum was their older sister. My mum passed in 2010, and the twins passed within months of each other a couple of years ago.

My aunt had always said that her brother's kids would be getting her legacy, since we on the Canadian side were pretty much sorted with my mum's legacy, so I was not expecting anything from her estate.

HOWEVER, it turns out that the way the will was written, since her brother predeceased her, we ARE included in the distribution after all and my cousin as co-executor said it will be an amount pretty much covering what I would have spent from savings while waiting out the year until I can travel and look at houses again.

(Still with me?)

Now a little about my guardian angels: After my divorce I had to sell the forever home that we'd just bought and renovated, and I moved four more times in the five years that followed. It was hellish and nearly broke me.

One day when I was at the end of my rope I went on Craigslist and found the perfect heritage rental in a mansion, in the best neighbourhood full of mansions. It's just down the street from the nursing home where my mum passed away. An equal distance down the street the other direction is the remnant of a grand old estate called "Mayfield".

Mayfield was the name of the house in Dublin where my family lived and where most of us were born.

Is the hair rising on the back of your neck yet?

I call my apartment Serenity Base. It's where I've found peace and quiet and space to lick my wounds and heal.

My first autumn here a little pine siskin flew in the window and stopped by for a visit. It was only here for a couple of minutes before it figured out how to get back out. It sat on the back of my couch and looked at me, not at all flustered or scared, just checked me out, did a little bobbing dance, and flew away again.

I'm convinced that my mum stopped by that day to say "hello and welcome to this amazing place I found for you."

Now the three of them are on board and the good things just keep coming. For this to happen on the eve of this antiversary is just mind-blowing, in the best way possible.

So even if you're just starting down this horrible road (not gonna lie, divorce is painful), hold on to the hope that the colour will eventually come back into your world, you'll eventually catch your breath, and good things will come around again.


[This message edited by FaithFool at 5:50 PM, June 15th (Monday)]

Lalagirl posted 6/15/2020 16:26 PM

Onward indeed!

Great update, FF! Wishing you continued peace and happiness in your new journey!

learningtofeel posted 6/15/2020 17:01 PM

Thank you so much for this! I am about to head into the hardest part so far (finalizing the settlement agreement while he is now balking, and finishing the splitting up of the sentimental stuff like kids' baby photos and Christmas ornaments). I'm dreading it - it's going to involve me holding my ground for the first time and him being angry and me handling that because it no longer matters (and I'm nervous that I won't be able to hold firm because I have very little practice). And it might go on for some time, but...I know it will be over eventually and I know I will get through. And thanks to reading your post I feel even more capable of doing this!

I'm very happy for you :)

BearlyBreathing posted 6/15/2020 20:00 PM

Great update Faith. The universe delivered— so happy for you!

FaithFool posted 6/15/2020 21:57 PM

Thanks everyone. It's been a very peaceful day, I did nothing much. Just made myself a healthy dinner and settling in for a Netflix evening and some chocolate cake for dessert.

BrokenheartedUK posted 6/16/2020 07:26 AM

That's pretty awesome!! You deserve whatever good karma comes your way and then some!!

Chrysalis123 posted 6/16/2020 07:54 AM


Thanks for sharing.

LoveTKO posted 6/16/2020 08:45 AM

Wonderful update! Thanks for sharing... It definitely helps those of us who are still in the thick of it.

Hedwig posted 6/16/2020 13:39 PM

This update is so wholesome, I love everything about it

steadychevy posted 6/17/2020 12:26 PM

Thanks for the update, FaithFool. Hopefully it will be an inspiration for at least some. I remember your time at Banff. Things are lining up for you and just in time good things arrive. Onward, indeed.

Ratpicker posted 6/17/2020 16:30 PM

Glad to see your update. Onward & upward!!!

inconnu posted 6/17/2020 20:39 PM

you totally rock, ff, and always have! can't wait to hear about your adventures when you finally do get to move. smile

FaithFool posted 6/18/2020 19:43 PM


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