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Well, it's done.

Geek42 posted 7/7/2020 19:34 PM

As many of you have noted in my post history, it's been a "fun" process. Well, I finally made her decide dude or me. And if it's dude she needs to move out. Her answer came during MC today. So, she's starting the process of moving out. In-home separation isn't working for me, so it's time for physical separation.

She's already started packing. We are telling the kids tomorrow most likely. MC suggested we don't push the older kids to play house swap and we agree. Most likely the little one will have sleepovers with Mom. Not sure all the logistics yet.

In some ways this is a relief. It will let me start to move on without the distraction of obsessing over what she's doing.

I'm more sad than mad. That her state of mind makes it ok to her to just toss away a 20 year friendship for someone she has known for less than a year.

I'm planning that divorce will happen much later. Financially, it's just not a good time to do that. The oldest will be graduating this spring. Maybe once she's out of the house, we will do the divorce stuff. But I'm not in a rush unless she is.

And yes, I did say that IF she decides to want to work something out, that I will listen. But I'm not jumping. At this point she needs to be almost crawling so to speak.

Meanwhile, we co parent. I think we both want to keep the kids as happy as possible. Just because their mom is a lying cheat, doesn't mean she's not a good mom. Shes not a bad person, just doing bad things.

rambler posted 7/7/2020 22:25 PM

You get through this. Most men don't I my get through it but end up much better. Keep doing IC. Let your support group know to get support. Get legal advice.

nekonamida posted 7/7/2020 23:38 PM

Have you talked to a lawyer and weighed the pros and cons of waiting? There are milestone points that can greatly affect alimony and asset division. They vary state to state. You can also still be liable for any debt she accrues after moving out. Make sure you're not at risk of financially shooting yourself in the foot if you hold off on filing for a bit.

Geek42 posted 7/8/2020 06:00 AM

Yes. I talked to the lawyer a few weeks ago. He said that in PA if both parties are happy with the split, then judges are usually ok. Pa is a no fault state and doesn't have a legal separation.

We had already started splitting finances. She had her own bank accounts and her car is under her name as well as car insurance. I controlled the credit cards and they are currently on hold. Still some minor details to work out yet. But getting there.

This sucks...

Buster123 posted 7/8/2020 23:48 PM

She could apply for more credit cards and you still be liable if she fails to pay them, you left the door open for her, so I think you still have not put down the "hopium pipe" completely, make it real file for D and have her served, she's already decided to be with POSOM, so put an end to this now not later, and make sure you don't lie to your kids and family, make sure you tell them that mommy decided to cheat and got herself a boyfriend (make sure you name him), she refused to give him up and that's why you're now in the process of D.

VinST posted 7/14/2020 12:16 PM

"I'm planning that divorce will happen much later."

You setting yourself up for heartache here mate. Sure it will cost you a little more... this is pennies compared to the mental freedom you will taste once you get over this. All the while the time you wait, you will let her have the upper hand and she can change her mind at anytime. Don't give her that power...

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