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How to detach and cope with the feeling of loss

Dadchats posted 7/10/2020 02:46 AM

My ex and i became distant and had a lot of frequent arguments because of our daughters behaviour and attachment issues. This created a wedge between us. She wanted us to put her in respite care for a break but I disagreed and i tried many other alternatives to try and give her a break. I offered for me to look after her for the majority of the time so she could have a break from her but she disagreed. I found out she was cheating with her co worker by Facebook a month after they were in a relationship. I have had no real explanation or sort of apology. Is she justified in any way and could I of done more? I still love her and feel a massive sense of loss that we cannot be a family anymore. I can't afford any sort of therapy which I would love to go.

oldtruck posted 7/10/2020 03:17 AM

you are not responsible for the PA.

if you want to save this marriage you need to expose this PA.
Tell the OMW, WW's parents and siblings. Do not warn WW
that you are going to expose her PA. Or try to use exposure as
a bargaining chip to get WW to end her PA and go NC with
her OM.

This affair must be exposed at work. Write a letter to the CEO,
/Head of HR dept. and the Board of Directors notifying them
of the work place affair and asking them what action are they
going to take to end this improper work place activity.

If WW is allowed to work with the OM there cannot be NC.
Without NC the affair will not end.

Dadchats posted 7/10/2020 04:46 AM

Thank you for the response. Sorry to be a nuisance but I dont know what all the abbreviations mean?

Throwaway999 posted 7/10/2020 05:30 AM

I am so sorry you find yourself here. The abbreviations can be found in the FAQ section of the Healing library. There you will also find a ton of very good and helpful articles.

In the Just Found Out forum...the first post pinned is called the Tactical Primer...read it as well.

And just a suggestion...completely up to you, but sometimes itís helpful to post more details. You will find that there is a wealth of knowledge and advice here from all of the posters. We have all been through this...you will get through it also.

Are you married...you mentioned she is your EX?
Is the Other man (OM) married....if so, expose him to his wife (OBS)...it kills the affair fast.
Do they still work together...for Reconciliation...she must have no contact with the OM. And I agree about considering contacting their HR department.
Have you been tested for STDís?

Please know that you in no way were at fault for your wifeís actions...This is not your fault. She chose this...she had other options if she was unhappy. In my opinion, cheaters are entitled, selfish broken people. You or your marriage was not the problem...your wife was the problem.

Keep posting...it helps to get it all out. Hang in there...itís a long road with better days ahead.

Dadchats posted 7/10/2020 17:17 PM

I dont know if they still work together. I have hardly any contact with her only for bills,post etc. We were engaged and according to her the other man was separated. From my understanding she basically lined him up before properly finishing with me. I tried to persuade her that she is loved and wanted here and we can be a family but she wouldn't listen. She has been to see the kids twice for like half an hour since March but apart from that nothing. I dont know if this is because she doesn't care because she is happy with the other man or because of the quilt/embarrassment she might feel or because she fears being further rejected by my daughter. I am not in any way stopping her from seeing them. I know reconciliation is the wrong decision even if she somehow wanted it but I am struggling to move on.

Westway posted 7/10/2020 17:30 PM

She abandoned you and her children. Abandonment. Let that word roll around your mouth for a long while. If I were you I would be spreading the word throughout her family and everyone about what she did and the kind of low-down person she is.

Why in the hell would you want someone like her back? File for full custody of your children and never look back.

[This message edited by Westway at 5:31 PM, July 10th (Friday)]

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