Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: wonkeddev

Divorce/Separation :
Didn't Expect This...

This Topic is Archived
default

 Triples (original poster member #72068) posted at 3:39 PM on Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

So, going thru the D process has been anything but predictable for me! Since November 17, 2019 (confirmation day)I have been getting things in order-still have much to do. However, I did three things: 1. Retained the best lawyer around 2. Opened up my own checking account 3. Secured a rental home. In all three cases my STBXWW blew the hell up! She snooped to find out all of this-I didn't come out and tell her (which is alarming in its own right). I mean she's the one that created this mess, and she cannot believe that I am doing these things. I get nasty text messages, I get awful looks, I get threatened (custody mostly), and on two occasions, she became physical with me. The only thing I want is closure to this hell and to move on with my life and my kids. How have some of you dealt with this?

posts: 91   ·   registered: Nov. 13th, 2019   ·   location: OHIO
id 8584851
default

Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 5:21 PM on Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

Hi Triples,

I assume you are in-house separated.

Ignore the text messages.

Ignore the dirty looks.

Inform your attorney of her custody threats; they probably hold no water. Ignore her threats.

Next time she gets physical with you, call the police, let her ass sit in a jail cell for a spell. Bet she will never lay a hand on you again.

Hang in there, Triples - and don't let her assholery weaken your resolve.

2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8905   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8584895
default

 Triples (original poster member #72068) posted at 5:34 PM on Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

Thanks Lala-

Yes, my attorney advised that I stay put (in the name of not conceding anything-particularly the kids/custody). It's dreadful going thru this. I have been able to ignore, but at times it is impossible! I do plan on calling the police if she ever gets physical again.

I would never have imagined that she could be/get so nasty!

I did hear that she and her bf may be on the outs, so I may be a target?

I have been concentrating on making sure my kids know that they are loved and are safe.

posts: 91   ·   registered: Nov. 13th, 2019   ·   location: OHIO
id 8584901
default

barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 6:11 PM on Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

Uh, yeah. This happens. Pretty common, really.

The same personality 'quirks' that lead a spouse to cheat... also tend to lead them to blame everyone else for just about everything.

The best thing that you did is get a good lawyer. I am on my third and the damage done by my first two lawyers is substantial.

Absolutely document the domestic abuse. That can be very important for determining custody. The specific issue is that the courts want to avoid a situation in which Parent A intimidates Parent B into making decisions. This is not iron-clad. My STBXW accused me of numerous acts of domestic violence (mostly falsely -- I had some mental health issues after D-day), but the custody evaluator determined that all of it was "situational" and that my STBXW was in no way intimidate by me (I have plenty of evidence of that!).

Something to watch out for... and this is important... is parental alienation. I recommend that you do a google search for Craig Childress and the Pennsylvania legislature. It is a video about an hour long and it is VERY informative. Parental alienation is VERY difficult to prove in court (my custody evaluator didn't think that it was happening in spite of some VERY OBVIOUS events), so it's best if you get out in front of it sooner than later.

The only thing I want is closure to this hell and to move on with my life and my kids.

Sorry to be so honest, but strap in and get ready... you might be in for a very long and bumpy ride.

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5421   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8584913
default

taken4granted ( member #61971) posted at 8:39 PM on Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

Has she been served with divorce papers yet? If she hasn't she might get even more angry then. Be prepared for all hell at that point. I'm glad you already hired a lawyer.

My EXWH started a smear campaign and had me almost afraid of my own shadow at one point.

Make sure to document everything. I had to call the police when my EX threw a tablet at my face because he was escalating. I didn't press charges even though it left a black eye, but the courts still considered it with a restraining order. Also, think about anyone that witnesses her agression that you may need to testify if things get ugly.

I got a guardian at litem to protect the kids. For a long time, he didn't even have overnight visitations and even now, he still doesn't get them on any school nights thanks to the parenting coach he had to work with.

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
Me: Living life! Him: Not my problem anymore
Married 15 yrs.
1 LTA, Many EAs from 2009 - ?
Dday 1 = 6/16/17
Last Dday = 1/4/18
Started loving myself 2018!

posts: 408   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2017   ·   location: OH
id 8584975
default

HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 9:17 PM on Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

Go get a VAR buddy. If she is physical or threatens you, you have proof. The cops are not friendly to the guys in most cases. they will believe the women over you. SO go get a VAR.

As for her snooping around, you know you're in for a fight during D. You better start looking over your Tech/passwords and stuff. I know my ex and her AP were tracking and reading text messages from my and the BS, b/c the AP installed tracking and snooping software on the BSs phone. Don't put this pass your WW.

Go and wipe your phone. Don't keep anything of importance at home if you are IHS, go and rent a safety deposit box at a bank.

As for her looks, just ignore. As for her text and nasty messages, save all that for the D. If she is threatening you with custody, you def. want that to show the Judge. She will be loosing on that front. No judge wants that shit to happen under their watch. And if you have proof that she became physical with you, you would be able to get primary custody. She would be deemed unsafe and unfit.

posts: 1426   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8584997
default

Westway ( member #71747) posted at 10:00 PM on Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

Don't call the cops on her, as they will most likely arrest you instead. Take pictures and document the attacks, then turn those over to your lawyer.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8585017
default

Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 10:28 PM on Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

Keep a detailed daily diary of her shenanigans. Eventually, you can use it in the custody hearing, etc.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 4183   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8585033
default

 Triples (original poster member #72068) posted at 1:49 PM on Wednesday, September 9th, 2020

Thanks to you all. Yes, I kept all the "threatening" text messages. My kids have been the witnesses to the physical stuff-so super sucks. I'm at such a loss-it breaks my heart for DS and DD (13 and 11). We didn't sign up for this! I should've walked 3 years ago.

posts: 91   ·   registered: Nov. 13th, 2019   ·   location: OHIO
id 8585227
default

smolderingdark ( member #64064) posted at 10:53 AM on Friday, September 11th, 2020

You didn't expect this and your wayward wife didn't expect you would blindside her by taking action to leave her. She has lost all control over you and the narrative. That is why she is angry and violent. Keep a VAR voice activate recorder on your person at all times. You should not be surprised if she makes false allegations of abuse or violence against you. There are are also discreet portable cameras that you can find on amazon. Some of these should discreetly make their way into your home.

posts: 167   ·   registered: Jun. 7th, 2018
id 8586250
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy