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Divorcing soon but don't want to lose new house

Henr04 posted 12/27/2020 13:32 PM

It's been 4 very hard years since I found out my H cheated on me with prostitutes just before the arrival of our 3rd baby. To make a long story short. I decided to stay with him and work on forgiving him. Later the following year, he lost his job and we ended up relocating closer to my mom. I started working after 10 years of being a Stay home mom. My H then decided that his dream job was somewhere else and wanted us to relocate again. I told him that I was just starting my own career and not ready to move. This caused a lot of tension in the marriage. He became depressed. We made a compromise that after 2 years, we would move. Secretly I was just hoping that I could change his mind. I started telling H that I felt that we were ready to buy our first home. With two incomes, we were finally in a spot where buying made so much sense. He agreed that he loved the area where we are living and decided that commuting 1.5 hours to his dream job would give us both what we wanted. In September of this year, we put our earnest money for a new construction home. I was so excited that I started to put an effort to work on the marriage. I agree that I was not giving it my all before. On Christmas Eve, my world came to an end and I found innapropiate emails on his work email to some female co-workers. One specific co-worker that I heard of before was reminding him that he was marry. He jokingly told her that he was not and the "people" from his office picture were his "cousins". He also compliments co-workers via email telling them how nice they look with a particular color. And the cherry on top was an email to one of the salesperson on our construction home, telling her that he was stunned by her beauty and wanted to get to know her "discreetly" of course. All of the women did not reciprocated and his effort made him look like a horny creep. I was beyond disgusted and Divorce was automatically on the table, he knew it was over as well and did not attempted to change my mind, heck he did not even apologized. My 13 years of marriage have been nothing but a big lie. He became defensive and told me that he "tried" leaving me before and when we would argue but I always "convince" him to stay. I was in shock and his reasoning didn't make sense at all. He denies having sex with anyone and insist whatever he has with his co-workers is just jokes but he seems attention because of how horrible our marriage is. He promised we would close on the house in March and he would move out after. We're saving for the closing cost and truly cannot afford for him to even rent a room somewhere. We need to look stable to the mortgage lender but I'm dying inside. I'm only putting up with not throwing him in the street for the sake of the kids and the fact that I don't want to lose the house. I'm able to afford the mortgage if he pays child support but I cannot afford a lawyer until after the closing in March 2021. He's sleeping in the couch and we have been pretending everything is fine in front of our children (12, 9, 4). We agree to share the news after the new year. He has been acting angry and gives me an attitude when the kids are not looking. I'm afraid he won't keep his end of the bargain and do something stupid like quit his job and leave us with no house or child support. I even consider pretending that I would stay with him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid but the though makes me physically ill.

BearlyBreathing posted 12/27/2020 18:43 PM

Henr04,

You really need to talk to a lawyer— his quitting will not affect what he owes you in child support **I think ** but you really really need to confirm this. It may affect what he can pay— so cash flow may be an issue.

Second, please take a close look at this house. I get that it is your dream but if you can’t afford it on your own, I worry that you won’t be able to afford it if he flakes on his payments.
Can you parents help with the lawyer to pull in the timeline? Make sure you’ve run those numbers a few times to be sure you can swing this. Timing is awful, right?

Sorry he is up to his old tricks, but glad you see it for what it is and are ready to move on.
(((Hugs)))

Freeme posted 12/28/2020 07:25 AM

Second, please take a close look at this house.
I'm sorry but I agree with the above poster. Having to rely on a person that makes you physically ill...? Someone you can't trust? Someone that might actually enjoy seeing you fail at your house payments...

I get wanting this house but a good deal of the enjoyment is going to be taken away if you are forever stressed... forced to "be nice" forced to play his games ... forced to keep him active in your life for a very, very long time.

Minnesota posted 12/28/2020 17:13 PM

Does getting the house keep you financially tied to him? You are tied to him because he is the father of the kids. But if it were me, I wouldn’t want to depend on him for anything.

Maybe take a few minutes and see what else is in your area on the MLS or Zillow. Doesn’t mean you have to change anything.

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