SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just said goodbye to a dear friend on here, and it got me thinking.

She told us how SI is a constant reminder of her pain, and after so many years here she is leaving....

This got me thinking about my place here. And why I am still here. Does SI keep the affair from being put to rest?

Well for me it don't. I am no longer here for me, and I havn't been here for me in a long time. I am here to kinda pay back all the kind souls that helped me along the way. I am here to keep my old friends, and make new ones....

Here's the thing....I have to sit down with a pen and paper to figure out how long I have been at this. I no longer look at my wife and feel pain....I havn't for years.....

I was able to stand strong (with the help of so many of you)when she was so sick and almost died on me....I never gave up on her....I never gave up the hope she would get better....and so many of you played a part in that.

So to me SI don't make me think of the affair...and in fact very seldom do I "relate" anymore to my own situation when replying to a post.....not in the way you would think anyway.....

Yes I relate...but more in the way of a person that has felt the pain....but not like it is a current memmory....more like I remember it in a former life......

Life is about living....and it is about using what God gave us to reach out and help others in need.....

So for those of you that worry that you will never feel this way....that the pain and anger will never go away....well...I'm here to tell you that I felt the same way.....but I can honestly say that with few exceptions that I have crossed the river....and you will too one day.....

It does get better...and at one point you will notice that the pain and anger fell off the path you are walking miles ago....you just got so used to dragging them along that you didn't notice their being gone......

So in the end I had to ask myself..."well why am I here then if I am feeling no personal pain anymore?".....well...best I can figure is....maybe if I wave the flashlight from where I stand....someone will see it and join me.....

It really is a good place to be........

Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than people who are most content.

Dylan...Brownsvile Girl

So in the end I had to ask myself..."well why am I here then if I am feeling no personal pain anymore?".....well...best I can figure is....maybe if I wave the flashlight from where I stand....someone will see it and join me.....

I for one thank you for holding that light. I saw it

Keeping waving BG because we are seeing it and know that we will be there in time ! It's been SI and people like you that headed me to the healing I've done ! Thank-you and to all ! gma

Thank you, we are all looking for that light, and I appreciate you holding the light for us

Thanks BG, I can say that I remember seeing your light and following it, thank you for being here

Thanks BG - that gives people (like me) hope. How far out are you?

ds

So in the end I had to ask myself..."well why am I here then if I am feeling no personal pain anymore?".....well...best I can figure is....maybe if I wave the flashlight from where I stand....someone will see it and join me.....

Just don't pull his finger when you get up there... but otherwise you couldn't ask for a better guide...

The affair started sometime in mid to late 1999....went on for a total of about a year......

But I have to actually think about how far out I am...it is not a number that just rushes to my head.....

There is hope...and there is healing....it is just sometimes it hits you without you knowing it until much later.....

BG - Thanks for this post.

So much of what you say I can 'second' the motion'.

You have so much to offer the newbies and I for one am glad you've stuck around.

Coming here no longer takes me back to the A either. You worded it exactly how I feel....

Yes I relate...but more in the way of a person that has felt the pain....but not like it is a current memmory....more like I remember it in a former life......

my friend... thank you for keeping that flashlight waving. for the newbies who are so lost and can't even imagine there's a light , for the tweeners who can lose the path sometimes ( ..me.. ) or heal at a slower pace (..me..again...), and for the old timers that join with you to make that light even easier to see and line the path we're all walking.

it's a sure sign of healing when you can remember the memory with out experiencing the pain all over again.

thanks bg, and all those old timers that stick around when it's healthy for them to do so....and all us tweeners who can see that light, but can't keep a good grip on it just yet but keep on trying, and to the newbies, who are brave enough to put it all out there and share their stories and struggles..banding together, leaning on each other even when they can't stand themselves.

what a wonderful place this is.

unfound...well said..

to make that light even easier to see and line the path we're all walking.

If all the flashlights are at the end of the path...well...it would get pretty dark until you got to the end.....

We all have to wave the lights from where we stand....we all know that there is someone out there needing our light to get to the next stage.....

When they catch up to us...we just walk with them as far as we can...always waving our lights for those still behind us....and for those waiting for us ahead....

[This message edited by Basic_Guy at 11:54 AM, April 29th (Wednesday)]

What a great analogy!

I register last August, I can’t tell you Old Timers enough what wonderful, kind and honest souls you are…

What I was looking for was “happy ending stories” I thrived for them desperately …I needed “HOPE”

for what I thought was going to be a impossible …This site gave me just what was looking for others that were trying to heal and those who have won the battle…I lost my feeling of being so all alone…

So many times I would log on and I didn’t even have to post anything, some else did it for me, they wrote my feelings as if I wrote it my self… I would read other’s wonderful advice and the 2x4’s, and think, thank goodness “old timers are still here”! God bless you all! Thank you for leaving your light on.

Just last week you posted encouragement for those of us caring for the kids. Big, big, flashlight for me that night.

Thanks.

Mind my spot there with you BG mate, I'm almost there.

tts

Great thread!

So in the end I had to ask myself..."well why am I here then if I am feeling no personal pain anymore?".....well...best I can figure is....maybe if I wave the flashlight from where I stand....someone will see it and join me.....

Beautiful my darling gnocchi.

Great thread BG.

Another great post.

I am so grateful to you and others like you.

I have come to realise though, during my time at SI, that it isn't just the flashlights held up for others, it's the people that hold them.

A few lines from a song (from les Miserables) says it far better than I can

You are the sentinels

Keeping watch in the night

I am so grateful that you are there and that you are who you are.

[This message edited by neverendinghurt at 3:15 PM, April 29th (Wednesday)]

BG, it's the old timers like you who give us all faith....and I, for one, appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

[This message edited by hopefullromantic at 3:09 PM, April 29th (Wednesday)]