SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So my beloved step-dad was dying after a long bout with cancer last week. It is spring break and I tried to find an inexpensive fare to go see him, attend the funeral and give support to my mom. The best I could do was around $900 for a plane ticket. I have three kids: DD18, DS17, and DD9. I couldn't afford to take them, so I left them at home. My oldest DD takes care of my youngest DD... but my son is trouble. He drinks, parties, etc...

I send an email to my ex and told him the situation (he knew and seemed to love my step-dad as well) and told him to keep his son at his place for a few days. He never responded.

I get back and my DD9 tells me that my son had a bunch of people in our house smoking and drinking.

I text my ex and told him about his son. My ex just responded to me with a bunch of nasty messages back saying..

"Well, if I were with him I would have helped him pick up the beer bottles. lol"

I told him his son was smoking, drinking and he responded with

"YeeHaw!!!"

When i told him to be a dad and help out he responded with

"Did you know you are fat?".

Everything I would write he would say "lol!" "hehe".

No wonder my son is on the edge of being in jail.

I just got back from seeing my step-dad die and then attending the funeral ... I was so close to my step-dad. It was horrible.

And to come back to that monster?

I never hated him before. I prided myself in being ambivalent. I hate him.

WOW, what a prick. Next time, tell DS that if he ever does it again, that DD WILL call the police and follow through. Tell him that if he's arrested that it's on HIM and you will NOT bail him out. And if he does it, make him move in with Dad.

OMG, he does not deserve to call himself a human being!!

I'm very sorry for your loss, too. :(

((((hugs))))

I am sorry about your father.

Stop all contact with the asshole. Period. Never call him or text him again. He does not deserve anything from you, and certainly not a place in your thoughts!!

(((((HUM)))))

There are no words for the assholery at work there. That is perhaps the most piss-poor parenting attitude I have ever heard!

You're right. He's a total asshole. I hate him too.

Oh, HUM. I'm so sorry.

As if you didn't have enough going on, it sucks to have him rubbing salt into the wound.

(HUM)

[This message edited by TrustedHer at 10:12 PM, March 19th (Friday)]

THAT is definately an email exchange I'd be printing off and putting in the file for the lawyer. Grrrr. Asshat. I'm sorry you have to put up with that happilyunmarried.

I'm sorry for your loss.

and damn, what a fucking asshole. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, on top of everything else.

Save that email exchange for court.

Sorry to hear about your step dad.

Is this the 18 yr old? Tell him to straighten up or get out. He's an adult!

Thanks guys. I saved the text exchange for a later date. But he is 17. I am not sure what use it would be.

My biggest fear is my DS17 turning out like his dad. He lies, cheats, and tries to get away with everything he can. No sense of what is right. Just entitlement.

I am so afraid of setting another narcissistic asshole into the world... to harm a poor innocent woman out there. Just makes me sad.

It's yet another injury that my ex caused which he will rationalize away to everyone as "poor mothering"....

What an ass your xh is!!!

I'm so sorry to hear about your step-dad! Lots of hugs coming your way!

I would get your son into counseling. If anything like this should happen in the future call the cops and let them show him what his future has in store for him if he doesn't straighten up now. It could just very well be an eye opener for him.

Truly unbelievable. Big hugs.

I am so sorry for your loss and the extra stress that you are having to deal with.

It sounds like your DS needs to have some natural consequences hit him, like him having to face charges for underaged drinking. Although being left to go live with his father might cause more harm than good.

(((((HUGE HUGS)))))

I tried to have my DS17 live with his dad -- but he doesn't want him. He tells me take it to a judge. Then laughs. My lawyer says there is no way to force my son to live with my ex. I have no recourse. It's just not fair.

It would cramp his love life. So it's all on me. The single working woman of 3 kids has no choice in the matter.

Very sorry to hear about your Step-father.

As for your XWH... It would appear to me that he is a juvenile and even more so than your DS.

I can understand how difficult it must be to deal with home issues while you are away. It's most alarming that your DS has chosen this kind of direction but it seems he is going to need a wake up call before he ends up being like dear old dad.

I think he may be due for some "tough love" from you. Even though it may be painful for you to follow through I would suggest re-establishing house rules with him and expectations. If he refuses, then boot camp or military school may be in order. It's better than jail. If only short term to his 18th BD then buy him a set of luggage as a present and tell him you love him but will not let him live there any longer. The time he has to straighten up will be immediately.

If you DD want's to stay it will be on your terms and not his. As for the Juvenile XWH... Don't share those things with him any more... Do what is right for "your household" and remember this phrase...

"My game... My Rules... I win."

(((HappilyUnMarried)))

Doll first save those text. I would take that phone to a probation officer. Tell them your son is on the verge of no return. Ask for someone to intervene to save your son. Then ask if you could have the courts make your X pay for the sons help. That crap attitude your X has needs to be shut down.

Honey I am sooo sorry to hear of your SF passing. I am sorry you yet again have to deal with suffering and pain.

I hope you and your family find peace..

((((HUM)))) I'm so sorry about your step-dad...and I am furious at your ex, what a total waste of oxygen....

I agree with the others, and Mr Destiny has excellent advice on some ideas for your DS....but it is time for tough love....

His whole entire world needs to start crumbling right now....and you don't have a lot of time to get things going for him....he may have some narcissistic tendencies from his dad, but he can learn they won't be tolerated.

Oh, and the responses you got from the total waste of space is the same type of phone conversations I would have with my sociopathic X.

One time we were talking over visitation, and I told him I could not change the visitation to the exact hour he wanted, but I could work in a different time for him, and he responded with, "Why are you so fat now, are you just a fat whore?" (I used to be a size 2, and now am a size 6....but he would even call me those names in front of the kids).

I finally went for a P.O. when I realized there was no chance at all for coparenting our dd....and it stopped all communication, there is no sense in trying to reason with someone that does not have the mental faculties for it. So I do all the parenting myself, and he plays fun dad (when he is in the mood, otherwise he is just himself, which is not a pretty sight...)

So sorry for your loss and that your ex is such an asshole.

Nip it in the bud now with your son. It sounds like he's asking for help in the only way he knows how.

Rest assured, the karma bus will eventually be making a scheduled stop in his life.