SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hate being down. I hate thinking about him. I hate thinking about her. I hate thinking about them.

We are trying to negotiate our divorce now. He wants certain items from our home that HE abandoned a year ago so he can put it in HER home. It hurts.

He told me he will live with the guilt of hurting me for the rest of his life. I hope he does but while he might feel guilty he has HER and they are happy.

He told me that "time heals everything" and that he hopes I will be happy one day. WTF? I have no heart anymore, it is in a million and one pieces.

I told him that if he marries her he will destroy me completely and he says he knows but he loves her and we are over.

I hate talking to him but the legal expenses are getting too high. When I talk to him I am reminded that I was so worthless in his eyes that he cheated and never worked on our marriage. He admitted to NEVER stop being in contact with her while we were reconciling. I never stood a chance.

So why am I writing this? Just because I hate being down. Does time heal everything? I want to heal but I dont want him to - does that make sense?

Does time heal everything? I want to heal but I dont want him to - does that make sense?

First (((hugs))) to you.

Second - it makes sense and time does heal wounds.

But I think in order to get to the point where you really feel nothing and where your wounds really heal you have to let go of the desire for them to hurt.

This isn't done for them, but for us.

Our WS's cannot move on and built truly happy lives on the pain of others. By that same token we cannot move on and build happy lives while we are nurturing a desire for them to be remorseful, to be hurt, to suffer.

I've had to work on realizing that no matter how much I want to see some sign that all of this hurts my WS too - his reactions and his feelings are just that. His. Nothing I can do (actively or passively) will change that. So if I am going to heal myself I have to let go of the desire for someone else to be suffering too.

I know how you feel and I wish you healing and peace!

Hang in there. You will get to that point. I know how you feel, except my WH does not feel guilty and shows no remorse what so ever. Not only that he and OW have made a point to make it harder for me in everyway they can. So, maybe this has helped me to the point that I am over "him". He killed every feeling I ever had for him. I cannot say that I feel completely nothing in regards to the situation or him and her yet, because I do still feel disappointment, disgust, and some anger still...but I can say I am getting there and hope with the closure of the divorce when it finally is settled and final will get me the rest of the way.

I assume they will get married since her divorce finalized from her BS not long ago. They have been wearing matching wedding bands since he left me and the kids for her. I could care less. She can have him. Does it bother me that they are happy while I am in pain and picking up the pieces of my life...it sure does. Would I like to see the karma bus come around...hell yeah. Do I like the idea of that nasty whore being my kids stepmother.....gag, barf. However, I can see the blessings in disguise now and the potential for great happiness in my life apart from that douchebag. So, I know that is something.

So, that was my long winded way of saying you will get through this. Time does heal the pain...but not always at a quick pace or as fast as we would like. Stay strong, keep talking to us, and Big hugs.

JW,

SG and Feel have offered really great advice. I do not have much to add, as I am right there with you, except, like FeelLikeafailure, my WH has shown absolutely no remorse or even acknowledgement of what he has done or the pain he has caused. I just want you to know that I understand and you are not alone. I too feel like we never stood a chance, and it hurts that we were not worth fighting for to him. There are many, many moments when I wish his entire world of lies and deceit would come crashing down on him. I get it.

We have also begun to negotiate our settlement, and I understand that while on paper, it all appears to be facts, figures, and material things, so many emotions are wrapped up in those "things," and it can be incredibly painful.

(((JW))) sending you strength, peace, and hugs. We will get through the hurt, one moment at a time.

I've had to work on realizing that no matter how much I want to see some sign that all of this hurts my WS too - his reactions and his feelings are just that. His. Nothing I can do (actively or passively) will change that. So if I am going to heal myself I have to let go of the desire for someone else to be suffering too.

I agree 100%. My WH always tells me how guilty he feels for what he did,but he is gone and he is with her, he says he loves her.....nothing I can do about that. His feeling are what they are and little helps me obsess about him being unhappy, that will not make me happy either.

What can I say this whole A stuff SUCKS!!!

hugs to you.

Mine says the same thing. She is the love of his life. I mean nothing, they are so happy!!!

It hurst so bad. I feel it too. I am there with you. Hugs!

(((JW123)))

I've had to work on realizing that no matter how much I want to see some sign that all of this hurts my WS too - his reactions and his feelings are just that. His. Nothing I can do (actively or passively) will change that. So if I am going to heal myself I have to let go of the desire for someone else to be suffering too.

I agree 100%, too. Although putting it into action is a lot easier said than done.

Sending you peace and love... hang in there.

Thank you for all your responses. I cant respond myself right now without crying. I am all out of fight now. They have won. Thank you for answering my topic - I am just so tired now. It is so hard to continue walking through all this pain. I dont even feel I am being a good Mom at the moment because I am just so down and sad. I love my children with all my heart, I really do - I am just battling to be the Mom they knew because this sadness is biting so hard again.

(((JW))))

I feel the exact same way you feel right now. My STBX set a date of two weeks from now that he wanted me out of HIS house(the only low offer letter came from his atty in July.)

I don't have a job yet and no place to move to. My atty says don't sweat it.

My STBX wants me out of HIS house so he can offer her his apartment or move her in here I'm sure-hoping to entice her to leave her H.

HIS house. He wonders why I never quite felt it was mine but it's obvious he never really felt it was either.

But now it's the only home I have. I tore down every scrap of wallpaper I patched every hole, painted every corner. All by myself since I was a SAHM.

I will have to leave the room that I painted for my BD4, knowing he'll likely cover that over in order to give the bigger room to SD since she'll be here full time and BD won't.

:(

I know deep down it's only stuff and only walls and only a structure.

But if MOW moves into it? She will be the third woman to try to have a family with him here.

Why does HE want it I wonder? I feel like it's killed two families already.

I hope and pray that for all of us there will come a fantastic day of indifference, but accept that it's miles to go before that arrives.

Hugs and more hugs.

[This message edited by jaded_and_lost at 6:38 AM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

JW123, I am so so sorry. Our timelines are very similar -- I'm about the same number of months out. And I can completely relate to how you're feeling.

It's exhausting to feel this much pain for this long. You want it to be over. Maybe, like me, you feel like you should be "better than this" by now.

I'm realizing what a long process this is, that the grief and the realization of the depths of betrayal take new twists and turns and bring new onslaughts of pain.

What I'm working hard on doing, is redirecting the love I felt for her to myself. When I'm sad I ask myself what's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now. I'm not good at answering yet, but I hope to get better.

On a good day, I believe it will get better. I can get lost in the fact that my ex is happy and I'm not, which doesn't seem at all fair. But trying to keep the focus on myself seems to be the only answer that makes any sense.

((((hugs))))

Oh.....I am so sorry. I want to give you a huge hug

I recall when my ex of 15 yrs left me for OW.

He rubbed it in my face, said to me "you're pretty and will find someone else"

FUCKING worse days of my life

Well let me tell you, I MADE IT through the storm and 2 yrs later the ex was coming around telling me how unhappy they were and he wanted me back.

Not going to happen!

Then they both had to live with the fear of cheating since they were both SICK cheaters.

Your ex will be happy for about 5 mins, you will heal and live a beautiful life.

check out Madonna's lyrics "You'll see"

I posted them on my fridge and they saved me

Now that my currect ex just cheated on me, well I'm reading them daily again

Thank you so much for just being here and your support. I do feel that "I should be over this now" and moving on from this pain.

Trying to get by: My STBXH said the same to my daughter. He told her "Mom is pretty and attractive and will find someone again". WTH??? If I were all that why did he leave? You do however give me hope that it comes right.

To the others here: I am so sad we are all going through this but your support and care is amazing and I am so thankful to you all for sharing your experiences. It is comforting to know we are all together in this, when we feel so alone at times.

I pray one day I will be able to inspire other people on this site and say "It is the best thing that happened to me and I am fine now". Man I want to say that one day and to encourage others.