SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm in a tough situation. Besides the A, our finances are a major issue with my FWH. He is irresponsible, and we just filed Chapter 13. We began R in April but can't afford MC--and we need it terribly. Everyone recommended going to our pastor, but the problem is our pastor resigned a month before D-day, which was in January. My FWH fought MC and definitely didn't want to go to a pastor for help because he is so anti-church these days. But he finally did agree to MC, but we seriously can't afford it. Please don't tell me to figure out a way to afford it because I'm already scraping to get by as it is. We have an interim pastor, but he holds a full-time position elsewhere and only preaches at our church.

I need advice about what to do, please. Maybe a book that would really help us?

[This message edited by SkeerdButHopeful at 4:20 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

Sorry to hear about your financial problems. Do you have medical insurance? Our insurance company covers it if it is billed under one individual, but we have a $20 copay.

some state, city or county run places will charge on a sliding scale.

Okay, I am pretty good at manifesting what I really want without money. Here are some ideas, not all of them ideal, but maybe a place to start:

1. Contact a university or graduate school whose students need hours; you might get to be seen by two therapists, one a student and another a mentor!

2. Find a recommended therapist, someone who really has benefited from their help, call them, and explain the situation. Maybe you or your H have some kind of skills you can trade? Woodwork, sewing, childcare, cooking, that would be of great benefit to the therapist?

3. See if there are any studies taking place where you live where they would provide free therapy for having you participate in a study or research project.

4. Buy a workbook, like you mentioned, maybe the Harville Hendrix Getting the Love You Want Workbook for Couples, and do the exercises together.

5. Investigate some barter organizations and see just what people might accept as a trade for this type of help.

6. Can your interim pastor recommend a lay person who would like to earn "church points" for counseling the two of you as an act of service?

Just some ideas. Good luck.

Many people on SI have recommended a program called: Retrouvaille.

It is a weekend...only cost is overnight hotel rooms (2 nights) and then a voluntary donation.

Everyone who has gone to it swears it saved their marriage!

You do not have to be Catholic or even Christian to attend.

Google it and read up on it...

also.. they have follow up sessions...those who have gone to those say they were great also...but others only went to the weekend event and couldn't make the follow ups so..don't let that stop you.

Thanks, guys, for all your great suggestions!

Skeerd, H and I have gone to Retrou. It was a little pricey after the minimum cost we had to cover, the babysitter for the weekend, and the drive to and from the weekend plus all the follow ups. I wouldn't say it saved our M, but it absolutely changed H and started him on his road to R.

It was lacking a little bit I thought. It took me several months to feel like it was missing something. I later found IMAGO and figured out that it had what I felt Retrou lacked. IMAGO is the therapy by Harville Hendrix mentioned earlier in this thread. I immediately bought just about every book he has, and all the companion workbooks, off of Amazon. It cost me around $60 or so and I got 3 books, 2 workbooks, and a companion book to one of the others. The books state that they have the exact same lessons that you would get at one of his weekends (which, by the way, are a LOT more expensive then Retrou) and you get to do them at your own pace. I can't recomend the books highly enough!

Look up relationship self-help books and DVD’s at your local library.