SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am not dating yet, but every day I'm getting more and more ok with the idea. D should be final (hopefully) in about 2 months. I'm worried when I do start dating I'm going to be a stage 5 clinger...

There's this part in Bridget Jones' Diary (the movie) where her and Hugh Grant's character are flirting over email, and she says to herself "Can't think too much into this" but then imagines them getting married. I hate to admit it but that's totally me.

I met STBXFT when I was 22, and we were attached at the hip basically from the day we met. Before that I had dated my hs bf for 5 years, we had broken up about a year before I met STBX but I didn't date in between. Soooo I have like no dating experience. I'm really afraid I'm one of those "gets attached too quickly" types. So how do you not get attached too quickly?

I would suggest you take some time between the time your divorce is final and dating to just "be free to be me" kind of thing. If you feel that already, you may get involved with something or someone you are not ready for. Being alone may be scary and unfamiliar at first but it can be good for your future relationships to take time to really know who you are and what you want. Do you have children?

You're not 22 anymore. Don't be surprised to discover that you've matured some.

I used to fall in love very easily. When I was a kid. Now? Not so much.

No kids.

DCK, I was thinking that when I was typing this out that hopefully I've matured past that, but I'm only 28 now. I still feel like a kid most of the time.

I'm much older than you, and I was afraid of the same things. Part of it was because dickhead would always tell me how clingy and needy I was, part of it was he was really the only person I ever dated, and part of it was I really didn't want a relationship per se, but I could not see myself getting naked and bumping uglies with somebody I didn't like, and like, therefore, equalled eventually fall in love.

I have to say, I've been handling my first post-divorce relationship much better than I thought I would. We both went into it as a hookup since it's long distance, but now we talk every day. I have no expectations for him/us beyond the now, even though I do care for him very, very deeply. Since neither one of us plans on moving, I'm not worried about the seriousness of the relationship or where it's going or when he's going to make a commitment. It's a logistical impossibility. I just enjoy whatever time I get to spend with him. I've really surprised myself with how I've handled things.

I agree, take some time for yourself to get comfortable with being alone. When you realize it is not so bad being alone, and actually it can be kind of nice once in a while, you will be less likely to grasp onto someone and cling. Also, make sure you have other outlets for socializing, like friends or family.

One more thing that may help, when you do start dating, look at it at first as just going out to have fun. Don't try to romanticize a future in your mind on the first few dates, date around a bit, don't let yourself get serious with any one guy until you both get to know each other well.