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...via FB, and I am wondering how cautious I need to be. I am wondering how I know it is really him. Does that sound paranoid?

He sent me a message just asking if I knew who he was. I said I did and provided my email address, saying that while I don't have many answers, I am happy to share what I know.

In the next FB message, he said he sent me an email (which hasn't come through, oddly) and asked 1) if I was ok 2) if I was still married and 3) when the A began between our two WS's. It sounds like he just found out about the A this weekend, even though I believe his D was final some months ago.

I do not really trust FB, and I am wondering how I know this is really OW's XBH. His profile pic matches that shown on a friend of a friend's friend list, so I don't think it's a fake profile, but I am so cautious after all I've been through. He is quite distraught, and I want to help him and find out my own answers, but I am struggling with how to feel secure that it is actually him.

Thoughts?

[This message edited by AlwaysLiz at 7:38 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

If you're unsure whether its the OW's BH, try asking him for a phone number or to meet in person (in a very public place) in order to exchange information.

Personally, sounds legit to me. I would see what his email says and answer his questions honestly.

His questions do sound legit, not like fishing. But, if you are not sure, ask him to call you to verify and then proceed. I am glad you are willing to tell him everything; that is the only way to go.

Thanks to you all. OW's XBH lives out of state, so unfortunately, a face-to-face is not likely, but a phone call might work.

I can't see why it wouldn't be him or why anyone would bother impersonating him... but I also do not want to be naive.

[This message edited by AlwaysLiz at 8:09 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

I think it is smart to be cautious. OW contacted me in much the same way because (imagine that) she didn't trust my WH was telling the truth! Asking if you are still together is exactly the kind of thing an insecure OW would ask.

It's best to protect yourself - nothing wrong with being careful. I was contacted by OW's H, now exH soon after D-day. I met with him once, talked with him a couple of times. It just got to be too hard - I was neck deep in my own anger and pain and couldn't really deal with his too. Weird, when I was reading and posting here all the time. In person, it was just too much and very uncomfortable. I just couldn't discuss something so personal with a complete stranger, face to face.

OW's then BH contacted me too; it was about 2 months after my d-day (he knew about his wife whoring around for a couple of months at that point, he didn't call sooner b/c he was told were physically S and on our way to D (a lie much like I was told they were already D).

It was certainly interesting to talk with the other BS in our situation - but I would be cautious too.

We also lived in different states, so I never met her BH in person either. I wouldn't have anyway.

I say go for chatting on the phone....but be 'smart' and somewhat guarded with what you divulge - you never know what HIS intentions are, you know? Is he hurting and needs a shoulder or is he looking for revenge? Who knows, I just wouldn't trust him blindly. I know it was creepy to hear how much her BH knew about us, just like I actually knew about them - so much is available online these days, you know?!

Int he end, OW's XBH ended up twisting some of my words and lying about dumb stuff, so I went NC. I didn't really give a shit about what OW thought about me but I felt used by a complete stranger, you know? That was unnecessary so I stopped it before it got worse.

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 12:32 PM, September 8th (Wednesday)]

Don't put anything in writing. Do call him.

Do not reveal your sources.

Just to add; I could see his hooker wife impersonating him online to see what all you know, what your plans may be - that sort of thing.

How swell would it be for her to pretend she's the sad BH and get you to spill it all while she gathers info?

Like I said before- just be cautious. Even as jacked up as it was to hear from her BH out of nowhere, I did have my guard up. It didn't turn out bad, but people are sneaky and crappy as we well know!!!!

Maybe google search his name and see if he has by chance more than one Fbook which would indicate that maybe the one you are seeing is fake. Also, look at how many friends he has. That can be a give away of a hastily set up facebook.

Try Skyping between the two of you. You will see if the guy there matches his picture.

Thanks all. I actually ended up speaking to him on the phone. He shared a lot via email first and then did way more of the talking than I did on the phone.

It is crazy to hear your story from someone else's perspective...