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lostrightnow (original poster member #30428) posted at 11:16 PM on Tuesday, December 28th, 2010
Has anone tried this and it worked?
lostrightnow (original poster member #30428) posted at 11:16 PM on Tuesday, December 28th, 2010
imokay ( member #3522) posted at 2:20 AM on Wednesday, December 29th, 2010
I've never read the book, although I've heard the premise of it.
H and I had to practice tough love on one of our DD's. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
That was over 5 years ago. We now have a great relationship with her and she has thanked us for loving her enough to not let her self-destruct.
Me: BS - 58 now
Him: WS - 60 now
Married 21 years at time of A
EA/PA that lasted 10 months.
DD: 2/10/02
Fully reconciled.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 2:37 AM on Wednesday, December 29th, 2010
It's rather a cousin to the 180 and Plan B.
I think it makes a LOT of sense. You have to draw your boundaries and have (and enact) consequences for boundary violation.
But you're asking if it "works." What do you mean by "works." There is no foolproof way to get a person to stay in a relationship if they truly do not want to stay. None.
But there are ways to regain YOUR self-respect, YOUR equilibrium and make YOUR needs known. Whether it happens in your current relationship or not, you are much healthier for being true to you.
I think when we focus on the WS, we lose focus on what is important and that is YOU.
Did you know that most WSs say that they had MORE respect for the person who stood up for themselves and made it clear what they would and would not deal with than those who tried to "out-nice" them?
Out-nicing is a NO-WIN scenario.
You're much better off packing his things in lovely matching Hefties and telling him to scramola until he corrects his rectal-cranial inversion.
Cat
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
ba1987 ( member #28761) posted at 4:41 AM on Wednesday, December 29th, 2010
Don't know if I would say it "works" or not. I think it runs along the lines of 180.
I read it, and I agree with a lot of what he says ('course, I agree with a lot of what Dobson says!!)
And in my early days, it certainly helped me gain some clarity in my situation. It helped me make a stand and to realize that I COULD and SHOULD stick to it.
In the end, what "works" on one WS won't necessarily make a difference on another. But I think anything that gives the BS the strength and the resources to make their best choices is really all that matters.
D-day: May 6, 2010
TT ever since
Looking for peace among the madness
Hope24 ( member #9344) posted at 2:22 PM on Wednesday, December 29th, 2010
Great book. Strong religious themes, but can be overlooked if that's not your "thing". Very empowering for the BS.
She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.
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