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Hi SI,

This is sort of a moral crusade for me since I believe the SNRI that my WW switched to shortly before the A was the main cause of the eventual failure of the marriage.

So the question is: Was your wayward on antidepressant drugs while cheating? What was the timeframe involved? Was it shortly before the affair? Or long term use, then the affair? Do you think it is possible that these drugs contribute to affairs and the breakdown of marriage? Did they seem to change your WS into a completely different person?

There's another huge thread on this topic over at: http://www.topix.com/forum/drug/effexor/TQ4I2UR28DFD3N759

I used to blame the drugs completely. However, it is clear that the coldness, blameshifting, accusations, lying, cheating, denial, betrayal, etc etc etc is all part of the cheaters handbook. But I wonder if the drugs affect such a lack of conscious that make it easier to ignore the pain that the affair inflicts upon the betrayed.

Grateful for any thoughts and comments.

-SM-

My WS was not, but shortly after Dday- I had to get on Prozac just to sleep.

Gracee

My WS was not; never has been. But I am, and I didn't cheat.

Everyone reacts differently to stress and depression; and not everyone will react in a positive way to an SSRI, but I don't think that the SSRI drugs are solely to blame. Just my opinion...

Yes. But I don't believe the meds are in any way responsible for his decisions.

The beginning of antidepressant therapy can be a pretty risky time. People who have previously been immobilized by depression can gain the energy to carry out acts that were previously too difficult. (This is why emergence from depression represents a dangerous time, vis-a-vis suicide.)

Even with antidepressant therapy, my stbx was/is depressed. I suspect depression played into his infidelities--as sort of self-medication. But really, I think his (untreatable) personality disorder was/is far more of a factor.

I really don't think that antidepressant meds tend to make people do things they are disinclined to do otherwise.

SNRIs reduce/reverse/address depression by affecting brain serotonin and norepinephrine levels. They do not affect mood otherwise; they do not impair cognition or blunt feelings.

Depression, OTOH, can profoundly blunt feelings; I'd be more inclined to think that depression that was not fully addressed might be a factor.

[This message edited by solus sto at 4:44 PM, May 24th (Tuesday)]

Was your wayward on antidepressant drugs while cheating?

YEP

What was the timeframe involved?

He started the EA's with a few friends, went on AD's and eventually had to a PA about 9 months later

Was it shortly before the affair? Mmmm the EA behaviors were already here unbeknownst to me. But the inhibitions over having a PA came after the AD's

Do you think it is possible that these drugs contribute to affairs and the breakdown of marriage?

I think the fact that he needed them was to medicate his issues away.

Did they seem to change your WS into a completely different person?

Yes he switched types a few times. He was acting weird and I remember feeling like he might "snap" at some point. I asked him to wean himself off of them because of the changes. I am not sure how much was the A stuff and his issues and how much was the AD's.

I do have a friend who was on the same set of AD's who described feeling like they changed her personality somewhat.

Other than that, I can only speculate which came first....the chicken or the egg?

All I know is that he is off them now and out of the A and he seems normal and more able to deal with his emotions and issues.

Nope he wasn't. But I do believe his major depression played a big role in him cheating.

He finally realized he needed meds after he cheated the second time before Dday #2.

My WXH and MOW were both on Effexor before and during the first affair.

He started taking it shortly before the affair. I think that it definitely changed his personality - it made him less able to distinguish between right and wrong, almost like the fog. He went cold turkey after the A which was really difficult, and was subsequently mortified by his behavior.

After the A ended, he got a different antidepressant, which helped but didn't stop the 2nd A or the end of the marriage. I truly believe that the Effexor was a contributing factor to the A.

As far as I know, the whore is still on Effexor.

was the main cause of the eventual failure of the marriage

You really think it was the MAIN cause?

I think maybe you find it really hard to believe a person you loved made the choices that she did. I don't believe any drug can make you cheat. Just like 'getting drunk' doesn't mean you go out and have ONS.

They may lessen the inhibitions a little, but they do not turn a non-cheater into a cheater.

Regardless, my wife went OFF her anti-depressents about ~2 year before her affairs started. And I blame only her. (Her choice to go off the meds, her choice to not communicate, her choice to cheat, her choice to lie about it after I found out).

Raising my hand here. 3 months after he started...and then on month 4 he quit them cold turkey and all hell broke loose. He has not been the same since..

5 years later seeing some of the old friend I knew..

It's bitter sweet...

[This message edited by windows at 5:37 PM, May 24th (Tuesday)]

on Paxil,then Effexor, now Zoloft and trazadone. HMM I honestly can't remember when he started the ADS, But I do thi nk the 1st DDAY predates the drugs.

[This message edited by selkiescot at 5:57 PM, May 24th (Tuesday)]

Virtualv,

Perhaps I misstated. The marriage did have problems, big ones. I blame Effexor for acting as the catalyst that caused my WW to choose an affair over trying to work out the problems in the marriage.

Prior to drugs she was scared of losing me to anything. But who knows. I think she is a "borderline waif" personality type.

In my case she was on a SSRI (forget which) for a few months before switching to Effexor. And I did notice some personality quirks then, but it seemed to be directed at me. Once the Effexor and study fuck buddy was in the picture, that's when I got the cheaters playbook.

I've read that the drugs will actually shift personality types towards extroversion. My WW was already a huge extrovert (and also hugely needy) so I think the Effexor pushed her into hypomania or maybe even full blown mania. Think Charlie Sheen with a few less violent torpedos of truth.

There was just zero empathy for me, seemingly overnight. It is hard for me to reconcile such a sudden shift without the drugs.

-SM-

WH started Ads three days after Dday. But Mow was on Ads during all her multiple A's from what I gathered from MOWBH & WH

He was not on anti-depressants, but was depressed. He SHOULD have been on them. I think it's one of the reasons he cheated... his depression and PTSD.

I blame Effexor for acting as the catalyst that caused my WW to choose an affair over trying to work out the problems in the marriage

I'm familiar with mania since my wife has bipolar syndrome (and so does my brother).

I think its fair to say that when a person goes into a mania cycle that they can sway towards an affair, IF they had previously considered them.

I do not believe Effexor or any other drug puts the idea of having an A in their heads though.

But that's my personal opinion that applies to my personal situation. I can't judge how it played out for your wife.

I do know that when I first found out about my wife's A I was in denial about her choice in it and found other things to blame at first.

(Not saying you are doing that, just giving you that information to consider to make sure you are not)

VirtualV:

You are right, I did blame the drugs at first. I just was bewildered at the cheaters playbook being thrown at me from my previously loving, needy, and emotional wife.

It was such a huge difference that I blamed the drugs.

I blame them less so now. I guess you could say this post is me trying to figure out how much exactly to blame the drugs and how much of it is just the way cheaters act.

Inbetween affairs possibly.

He took them for a few weeks and was a totally different person, sane/calm. Stopped taking them cold turkey and went back to instant asshole jeckyl/hyde character.

WS was on ADD meds - Strattera. Looked more closely at the label after affair - hold crap this stuff just might have contributed. He stopped cold turkey and is a new person.

kinda, she acquired a prescription and popped a few during the early stages of her affair. I didn't like them and discouraged her from using them. I threw out the bottle a few days after DD.

YES YES MY WH was prescribed Antideppressants Cymbalta and he changed he lost interest in his family became irritable almost violent he wanted to buy a motorbike and acted like i was stopping him from having a good life. He then had an affair and left his family to almost suicide and within a couple of days realised wtf where he has been what the hell he did he couldnt believe what he did he was against affairs and now he is dealing with shame and guilt those drugs made him change in so many ways and he vows he will never never use antidepressents ever again they scare him. He is lucky he is alive but wishes he died as he lives with this mistake and it kills him.

[This message edited by LostMySoulMate1 at 10:37 PM, May 24th (Tuesday)]

I was on Zoloft 3 years, then in January the year the ExA started, I was tested and found to be hypothyroid.

They told me to stop the Zoloft and did not tell me to taper and I had terrible 'zaps' for months after.

Apparently they wanted me to stop the Zoloft thinking that the Synthroid treatment for my hypothyroidism would be the proper medication now and that perhaps the depression was caused by the hypothyroid issue (again, now found being treated).

Instead, my X said that he immediately noticed I became a bitch, and I could not believe that finally the Dr. found something absolutely medically proven, I was being treated, and he called my meds my 'bitch pills,' and not in a good way at all.