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I keep hearing about this book on SI. Anyone read it who can sum up the answer to the book's question?

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 2:01 PM, July 10th (Sunday)]

I don't have the book, borrowed from the library. What I can remember about it is that it said women should not be doormats and also not be too available during the dating stage. Make him chase you type of thing.

Do men really like bitches? I mean aside from the book (because this wasn't what it was about IIRC) just in general do they like to be ordered around by a domineering woman partner? I wouldn't like that if I were a guy. I don't like being ordered around by anyone or loud opinated domineering type people.

I see, it's basically a provocative title. No, I don't think men generally like bitches (although I married one).

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 2:41 PM, July 10th (Sunday)]

I, too, was curious about the content of this book.

[This message edited by LineInTheSand at 3:50 PM, July 28th (Saturday)]

- no to the being ordered around part

- no to the chasing during the dating stage (perhaps I've ended things too soon in a couple of instances because they read this book).

I've heard people mention this book on several occasions. I think it belongs, along with "The Rules," in the wastebaskets of women who are in love with players who barely know they exist.

I've read the book.

I don't agree with some of the content, but the basic message is don't lose yourself in a relationship and value yourself. It deals a lot with women who have been dealing with players, obviously.

Basically, it says that real men love a woman who is true to herself and isn't going through contortion after contortion to be what she thinks a man wants in a relationship.

Cat

I never read that book. But from what I've seen, men do not appear to love bitches.

What they do appear to love, is crazy women.

Kidding, in case that's not obvious.

I have the book so I'll type out some of the introductions.

The woman I'm describing is kind yet strong. She has a strength that is ever so subtle. She doesn't give up her life, and she won't chase a man. She won't let a man think he has a 100 percent "hold" on her. And she'll stand up for herself when he steps over the line.

She knows what she wants but won't compromise herself to get it. But she's feminine, like a "Steel Magnolia" -- flowery on the outside and steel on the inside. She uses this very femininity to her own advantage.

Back cover: It is hilarious real-life relationship scenarios, offbeat "she says/he thinks" tables, and the author's unique "attraction Principles," It helps you to know who you are, stand your ground, and relate to men on a whole new level. Once you've discovered the feisty attitude men find so magnetic, you'll not only increase the romantic chemistry on the relationship -- you'll gain your man's love and respect with far less effort.

I enjoyed reading it.

[This message edited by heart_in_a_blend at 2:03 PM, July 11th (Monday)]

I started to read it but my daughter took it back because she wanted to read it again.....

Anyway, it's "lesson" is NOT to be a mean, manipulative "bitch". Some of the guidelines are alot like our 180 guidelines when it comes to dating....don't pursue, no frequent phone calls, be CONFIDENT, Cheerful, strong, outgoing, independent, Don't sit around waiting on them...just like the other poster said, don't be a doormat, leave something to the imagination, let him chase you.....

I don't think I could love someone who is steel on the inside. I find "feisty" rather annoying. And doormats aren't much fun.

Treat yourself with respect, and don't change yourself to fit either a man or some wealthy author's perception of a woman.

Well said, RSN!

I have read this book and i think the title is a little misleading and was most likely chosen so that people would pick it up and talk about it. It's not about being a bitch like most people would think. It's about not standing up for yourself. Basically men will treat a woman like they are allowed to treat them. It's about not letting your life revolve around a man and you will gain a lot more respect. Not waiting for that phone call, but getting on with your life. Too many women drop everything when they are involved with a man. Both partners need to have outside interests and hobbies. It's still about being kind, but not being a doormat, being clear about your needs. Anyway, that was my take on it.

I read it and actually REALLY liked it. And yes, the title was catchy, I'm sure on purpose. Many of you did sum it up very well. It's about boundaries, self-respect, and not becoming enmeshed in relationship...my summation, a lot of common sense but good to be reminded.

It actually resonated with me and the relationship that brought me to SI and some things I should NOT have done....live and learn.

The overall message was a good one, but I thought the game playing she advocates was over the top.

The funniest, to me, was how she recommended that a woman pretend she can't cook - burn the popcorn, serve frozen pizza. That goes *so* against my instincts and upbringing.

Like anything else, take what serves you and leave the rest.

Basically men will treat a woman like they are allowed to treat them

Will they really?

Truly, my experience with men has not indicated to me that the only thing standing between me and their ill-treatment is their belief that I will not tolerate it. It has been that they are not sadistic, so just don't feel like being abusive to me or anyone else.

To go a little further, what I didn't like was: per the book, it seems it doesn't pay to be nice. I was raised to be a nice, kind, caring person.

I think with the right guy, there's nothing wrong with that. With my marriage, the type of guy he was, that was fine because he was genuinely a nice guy too. With the relaitonsip that brought me here, that was taken advantage of.

So it truly probably is more for women who have had the displeasure to be with a playa'

[This message edited by SierraGrace at 7:52 AM, July 13th (Wednesday)]

Another way to look at it is that we are responsible for the patterns that are establish in relationships. Some women go overboard trying to please a man and then end up being taken for granted. If we allow bad behavior it will continue and that's where boundaries are important

In retrospect, I do think there are some men who truly do love "bitches". Maybe they are satisfying a masochistic urge?

Well, nobody complains if you shut the bitch in a crate if she starts yapping.