SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I guess I will give you a little background.

My husband is 27 and I am 26. We have been together for 8 1/2 years. We have one daughter together who is almost 4.

When I was about 9 I was sexually assaulted by a neighbourhood friend. My friend and I went to his place because he was a very nice guy. She left and he somehow got me to stay. I was touched inappropriately by him. This is something that I have never told anyone before (I actually just told him today, becasue I was afriad if I told him before he for some reason would think less of me) I was molested. I unfortunately don't remember too much after that. All I know is that a few days after that happened I talked to a detective. Then soon after that he was never seen in the neighbourhood again.

Anyway, my mom had a lot of relationships when I was younger. My parents divorced when I was 5 and my dad was completely gone out of our lives by the time I was 8. My mom went from boyfriend to boyfriend. When I was about 11 my mom got engaged. They never eventually married because he was rough housing with me and my friend and touched me inappropriately. So he was gone after that.

Fast forward to now. I am the type of person that will do anything to please anyone because I don't like it when people don't like me. I am a very likable person. I am also very shy and easily impressionable.

I started a new job back in May 2011. I made some friends. But this one guy started taking interest in me. I admit that I liked the attention. Things started to progress and we started flirting at work. Then one day earlier this year he sent me an email with his phone number attached. That is when the texting started. We started texting a lot. Then made plans to go out one day for coffee to talk. He took me along a trail. We went for a walk and when we got back to his van he came on to me and started kissing me. Then we ended up having sex. I didn't want to do it and it was not my intention at all. I just wanted a friend to look up to. I lacked a father figure my entire life and I guess that is what I was searching for.

In all honesty, I don't remember too much from the beginning of this year up to and during my A. I can only remember random things and it bothers the hell out of me. My husband asks me questions and I try to answer them as best I can.

I feel horrible for the pain I caused my husband and family.

I just want to get over this and get my family back to the way it was before.

Wow what a story! Your life has been filled with so much trauma and you are still so young. You have so many issues to deal with that it must be very hard to cope. Are you seeing professional help? When you were molested as a child did your mother take you to therapy? Have you dealt with the trauma or is it still unresolved - simmering ready to boil over as it did with your A. My suggestion to you is that you seek counseling both on an individual level and with your husband. Im sure your head is ready to explode with everything you are going through. Post often - it will be therapeutic. Be strong - take it one step at a time - and remember your daughter.

In all honesty, it was the hardest thing to tell my husband about what happened to me as a child. I finally told him all the details today.

We haven't gotten any professional help yet. We are on a waiting list for MC right now. Hopefully will be able to get it within the next couple months.

As for getting therapy when everything happened when I was a child -- no. She kept it pretty much between me and her. No body else even knows what happened. Except that detective that I talked to. And now my husband. But it was really hard to deal with by myself. My mom wouldn't even talk to me about it after it happened. Something similar happened to her when she was a child too. So I don't know if it made her uncomfortable to talk about or what it was. But I pretty much dealt with it all on my own and it was the hardest thing ever.

Honestly even though it has been 18 years now since it happened it still bugs me. I never dealt with it like I should have.

So as for counselling, we are working on it. Posting on here has helped a lot. I am going to start writing in a journal too. And my daughter and husband have helped me so much deal with things.

Thank you for your kind words.

FR2012, my heart goes out to you tonight. I don't know if you are aware of the SA thread or not, but a lot of the things in your story really sent that red flag up. You said that you're on a waiting list for MC? Is that because of insurance or lack of counselors? Or is it just a really great counselor you want to get in with?

I strongly echo believe in me's advice regarding IC to help you deal with all of the traumas and abuse in your life--especially to help you figure out why it's difficult to recall events from the past year.

The SA thread was also very helpful for me when I first began posting--you'll find it in the "I Can Relate" forum if you haven't already.

We are on a waiting list for MC because we don't have a lot of money and it is a sliding scale thing. So we have to wait to get in with somebody. We don't have kind of insurance either.

I am aware of the SA thread. I actually just posted there. Thank you for the thought though. I really appreciate it.

I will look into IC. I don't know if we can afford it though. But will look into it.

Thank you for all the kind words.

Hi FR2012. Thank you for sharing your story, you are very brave. (((FR2012)))

Please stick around and keep posting. The SI community has been amazing and has helped me so much already.

Other than asking questions, how is your H doing? Are you still in the same job?

I'm sorry about your abuse as a child. Do you find it carries over into protectiveness over your little girl? I ask out of curiosity, as I worry that this will be a problem for me when I have a daughter. I am a CSAb survivor as well. Hugs. I know how hard it is to tell your husband about this big secret. My WH/BH is trying to be there for me and be my teammate. He tries to be very gentle when my SAb comes up. While he can never understand, and acknowledges that he will never understand what it's like, he does support me the best he can. It means alot. I hope you can draw strength from your daughter, your BH, your MC when you get one, and of course SI. This group of people has helped me so much.

Honestly, it was hard share my story but worth it.

Being on SI has helped me drastically thus far. Just having a place to talk about everything has been nice. Having people who understand what is going on right now is just great.

To answer your questions, my husband is doing good. He triggers a lot and gets angry. But we are just taking it one day at a time. Trust is still an issue and I understand it will be for a long time. And yes, I am still at the same job for now. It is not feasible for me to leave right now.

I do find that I carry my over protectiveness to my daughter. Whenever I don't know where she is I start to freak out. I can't let her out of my sight unless I know who she is with at all times.

And it was the most difficult thing to tell my husband about my SA. I finally told him the rest of what happened to me yesterday. I have wanted to tell him for the longest time but for some reason couldn't. So while reading things on SI I decided that it was the right time to finally tell him. And I did. It felt good to tell someone else. It does mean a lot that he can support me and get me through this.

I have been drawing my strength from all of those sources. And it has helped me get through the darkest time in my life.

Thanks for your kind words. They really do help.