SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

..that your WS pulled during the affair, which ones cut the deepest?

For me:

1) calling me from the convention at night to tell me about his day and say good night, only to cut our conversation short due to his being "really tired," then he hung up and headed right to her room.

2) he started leaving for work an hour earlier (my man who couldn't get out of bed early to save his life--should have raised red flags). I now see by phone bill that he was calling to talk to her. Why bother? They talked and texted all day!

3) me calling his work out of concern to see why he is so late only to find out now that I had interrupted his call to her. No worries, he called her right back after he got rid of me so they could finish their convo!

4) THOUSANDS of text messages. Enough said.

Can you tell I have been looking at the phone bills? This is when I hate the bastard. Am I torturing myself or informing myself? It's a fine line, isn't it?

[This message edited by itfeelsunreal at 3:37 AM, November 13th (Tuesday)]

Too many to count but this one stands out...I learned after d-day he borrowed money from the Italian OW to buy my 5 year anniversary Cartier ring...I will not throw it out because I know how much it costs but she will never see her money, I am making sure of this (BTW she asked for it this is how I discovered it - putting the dates and amount together)...@$#$%^ asshole.

heres one for you. The night before D-day she comes to me and actually makes me think she is "giving herself to me" in a loving way. The next day as she is laying on the couch with a sick headache and I am nursing her, you know bringing her water, food, meds etc , she falls asleep and I intercept text messages to the OM about how happy she is to be in love with him

She was actually texting this SOB while I was loving on her while she was sick

WH was informed by OW#3 that she had HPV two years before I found out he was cheating by contracting HPV and having a very abnormal PAP. He never told me. He didn't protect me from a deadly disease even when he knew there was a high likelihood that I would get it. I had to have a procedure done.

Having sex with someone else is bad enough. Not protecting me from possible death? Sigh.

Leaving me to fend for myself when I had food poisoning. I had a child to care for , a dog to walk and could not leave my bed for a week. I won't go into detail but if it was being thrown up it was coming out the other way. I had to throw away my mattress after as I'd been unable to adequately care for myself. Where was he? Meh.

I had my bank account emptied ( they took it all and then left me 1000 overdrawn and so i had no money, no food and had bills to pay. We were S and in false R. FWH gave me 50 for the month!!!! He said it was all he had. An acquaintance offered me 500 but I didn't take it. It just made no sense at the time but now I see how detached he'd managed to make himself !! Oh and he bought me an identical car to OW

1) DS was having issues with a bully (he was in kindergarten). We had an appointment set up to meet with the principal and teacher. He had me reschedule it because of "training" for his upcoming trip to Iraq. On the day it was scheduled he took a trip with xow2 to Annapolis and they had sex for the first time.

2) he claimed the new house stretched us more than he thought it would so I had to use my savings from my small sewing/crafting business to buy her 2nd b-day presents. My savings are so we can visit my family.

Turns out he was spending an average of $500+ a month on the A. That's what I figured when I counted the six months from the first time they talked till the NC letter. It was all mainly during Oct, Nov and early Dec though.

3) Also had to pay for her dental surgery. Her surgery was the day before Thanksgiving. He couldn't get off because of training again. He was at work, dunno if he even asked. It broke my heart to see this tiny toddler under general anesthesia. When he called in the afternoon I had to tell him how she was doing. He didn't ask. He was really late coming home. Claimed it was Thanksgiving traffic. He actually stopped by xow2's apartment.

4) a month after d-day MrH was leaving for Iraq. I begged him to leave me his car. I wasn't supposed to drive mine, it wasn't registered to the new state we lived in and had failed inspection due to window tinting. We couldn't afford to fix all that until a month after he left.

He told me he was driving his car in and leaving it in long term storage at work (plausible, I used to work there and it exists). His excuse was he didn't want me to have to wake up early and haul the kids out of bed for the trip to the airport. Instead he picked xow2 up and she kept the car...after all, her BH was getting theirs in the D. So that means she was also the last to kiss him goodbye when he went to a war zone.

ETA- he also began getting up early to go to work. Turns out she was his commute buddy. Late all the time due to "DC traffic". Can't afford a cell phone- turns out he had two secret phones.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 5:59 AM, November 13th (Tuesday)]

Where should I start?

After his work accident, while I nursed him through 3 surgeries, worked, took care of the house and did everything by myself because he was injured.....he was spending his days with MOW while I was working.

After he was better, he decided to start a business, gave her a "job" and I had the privilege of paying her every week.

Finding out MOW's 2 year old child was not her H's, but in fact she was WXSO's.

[This message edited by cryingdaily at 6:06 AM, November 13th (Tuesday)]

With xow1, my "friend", the worst was insisting she spend time with us because she was depressed about M issues.

So I have memories of going to movies, dinner, playing tennis and having her in my home while the A was ongoing. She even spent the night. Though till this day he swears they didn't do anything while I was asleep.

He also picked a fight so he could go sleep at her house. Her H was working that night. I had come to him and got on my knees, tearfully begging him to come home. He claims nothing happened that night. But did the next morning.

#1. Having an OC and keeping it hidden from me for a year plus.

#2. While his whore was pregnant, begging me to have another baby with him.

#3. Him and our house guest running an 'errand' (really went somewhere to screw) then the two of them came home and cooked me and the kids breakfast.

#4. The houseguest ho's cat died and him telling me I should go give the whore a hug to console her.

This could go on for days.

These are so sad to read, and speak to just how messed in the head some of these WS are. I don't know if this is a helpful exercise or not but I am feeling sad this morning and interested in nursing my indignation.

I know which ones cut the deepest, but here are 3 that I can't get out of my head:

#1: He moved to a new job back in November 2011. Affair with the coworker was already in swing but I was in the dark. In June 2012 he talked about hiring a new manager at his current property. Gave me her name, what property she was coming from, etc., all fake. Found out on DD that it was the OW. He had worked it so that they were back at the same property, desks 10 feet apart.

#2: He was MIA almost the whole week of July 4. On the actual holiday, he had to work. Meanwhile I was at my inlaws and very, very sad and lonely to have to go through another family event without him. Oh, he did go to work. But while I was getting our kids ready and we were heading out with his family to go watch the fireworks, he was at the OW's apartment cooking her dinner.

#3: a couple of weeks after DD, we had a wedding to attend. And at the wedding he was so attentive and loving, more so than he had been in years. It meant so much to me and I told him that. Found out later he had been emailing the other woman back and forth all night.

There are so many other countless things...but the things that cut the deepest? He brought food to her at her apartment with the kids in the car ("Dadddy brought a pizza to some girl."). Then in May, while I was out of town, he attended the graduation of a coworker with my 6 year old son. But he also picked her up on the way and brought her with them. ("Daddy picked up a girl and she came with us.")

Unforgiveable.

*I edit because I hate my own typos.

[This message edited by BlueWoman at 7:52 AM, November 13th (Tuesday)]

I don't know where to begin Off the top of my head, a couple that stand out for me:

1) told me about the 'wonderful COUPLE' who bought an existing business in town and that they needed her help to get up and running. I sent her flowers and congratulations on their first day...only to find out later there was no couple, he had just left his BS and we now suspect he bought the business for my STBXWW and him to run!

2) telling anyone and everyone that we had a bad M and it'd been that way for awhile. Apparently I was the only one never told this. (What hurt was reading back through both hers and my Facebook pages...all the "I love you's" and how happy she was, etc. right up until a week or two before DDay!)

3) after DDay she immediately moved out and then in with OM. Started telling everyone I was abusive and a junkie amongst other things. This hurt really bad as I worried about my reputation too. Turns out I didn't need to worry so much. Many women couldn't wrap their head around her leaving our kids with me if I was so bad! (One even outright asked her about this and STBXWW replied "Oh I'm not worried about the kids with him. He's a really good Dad and they will be safe!"....ya, that didn't fly lol!)

4) how she treated our kids after DDay. (I'll spare you the details...you really, really don't want me to get started!)

I better stop now lol

Oops...just re-read the thread title...it is about "during the A". Well, my 3 & 4 still apply as she was doing those shortly before DDay too, but it got far worse afterwards.

The whore blogged about giving my H a blow job when I called his cell and interrupted them.

Actually, there are too many blog entries on AFF detailing their hookups to count, as well as some jabs at "his wife". I got most of the disgusting info via that venue.

While he didn't comment on them, he knew about them. It sickens me that they're there for all the world to see and he did nothing about it.

He placed a middle-of-the-night call to me in between calls to/from the escort service on Hookerpalooza night back in 2010.

Granted, he was shit-faced, blackout drunk, but still. It sucks.

Before I knew about the LTA and all the ONS, STBX convinced me to participate in threesomes via AFF. One of my non-negotiable rules was that there be no pictures. He took pictures anyway, of course. I wasn't comfortable with the pictures existing at the house so I deleted them all. But not before he had saved some on the LTA OW's computer. After finding out about the A and going through false R I finally reached a point where I was ready to tell the families that we were close to S/D and that he was cheating again. At that point he told me about the pictures and threatened to expose them if I exposed him.

So, I guess for me, the low-down dirty trick was having my husband essentially pimp me out on AFF for the purpose of getting blackmail photos to keep me quiet in case I ever found out about his LTA.

SOOO many, but off the top of my head:

1) WH arrived in foreign city and sent me an email stating it was too expensive to call, but the reality was he was spending $$ on a prostitute.

2) I met him in that same foreign city a couple of years ago for a mini vacation, and while I was sitting on the floor in the airport waiting to leave, he was calling a prostitute that he already had lined up to come to the hotel, and had sex in the bed I had just spent several nights in.

ETA- Oh yeah:

3) Gave me HPV resulting in a hysterectomy, but continued to whore around anyway.

[This message edited by MedicsWife at 9:00 AM, November 13th (Tuesday)]

I don't know if this is a helpful exercise or not but I am feeling sad this morning and interested in nursing my indignation.

^^^agree!

I do let indignation overwhelm me. Only two people IRL know what I am going through and I try not to talk about it. This is my place to vent!

There are so many and they change based on my mood and triggers.

One I remember is the day after a visit to our Grandchildren. I woke up with a bad cold. I was on the couch when he came downstairs in the a.m. I told him I was really feeling horrible and had a cold. He said "There's no point in me catching it. I'm going to the cottage." The cruelty and selfishness took my breath away. I kept thinking 'there's something horribly wrong; he should want to care for me' and then I actually felt guilty for being needy. Obviously he was off to f--- the slut because he had been out of town with me for a few days and was horny. He checked in with me when he "got to the cottage" but lied about where he was.

These are the things that come to me when I am in the depths of despair. None of us deserve this hell.

itfeelsunreal, I SO get it. Only two people in my life know the nitty gritty of what's actually happening. This place is helping me keep my slight hold on sanity.