SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I can not sleep and have to get up for work in 6hrs. Today I spoke of a fear ive hid from my BS. If she is still such :( I spoke of a 2nd DDAY not just that but of a 2nd OW2. I hid it after coming clean after dday 1 cuss of a fear. Cuss my BS stated if I eve had the affair in the house ide be dead to her. An I was selfish and thought of only me again. Not of my BS. Thought of losen my BS and being dead to her. Today I spoke of the 2nd OW and not only did I have a ow2. I had sex once in are house in the fruntroom. My fear has came true I beleave. I worked all day and did not hear mutch from my BS. some harsh words mainly. wich I diservd and more. She feels I am excepting and calm of it all. I am not excepting. But I do not know what or who I am now. passd 3mounths of R is gone. I pissd on all my words promesses and actions to change. I do not know what to do now. or what she will sey or do as well. All I am doing is leying awake wishing I was next to her and there for her. I Now have shown more for her tobeleave I have not changed. feels I don't love her and that I am still the monster. Wich I must be doing what I did. I am a hippocrit as well. Cuss I talked crap of my family and how they are. I am just as bad. I am lost and waiting on what is next. Well time to try and pass out again. Night all Ty for lissening. even thou is a shitty thing to read ty anyways.

It's a sad reality, but I think the majority of folks here, whether BS or WS have had more than one d-day. Nobody should have even one d-day, but the way WS's are, and the way infidelity is, it just seems common for multiple d-days to happen.

It's what you do now that will matter. Is there going to be a third d-day? Did you really only have sex in the front room? Was there more? Are there anymore secrets that will blind-side your BS? Get it all out now. Give your BS the info she needs to make the decision that she needs to make to keep herself safe.

For you, work on figuring out why you were scared to tell of the second A. Keep working to figure out why you have your A's. Work to put boundaries in place. Work to be honest and transparent in your life.

There are some nights where I can't sleep. I'll be up until 4:00am and then at work around 7:30 or so. Then there are the nights when I wake up at 2:00am and can't get back to sleep. Used to be because of of the A and all of that shit. Now it is mostly work that messes with my head. There are certain types of tea that can help. Sometimes a tylenol will help. Sometimes posting on SI helps. Use whatever tools you can to take care of yourself.

Do you have more that you're not telling her?

You need to get it all out NOW! You are killing her with these secrets.

What still needs to come out? Do you have family or friends that knew any of this stuff about your affairs while they were happening? If so you need to tell her. Do you have other places you had sex with these OW's? If so, you need to tell her.

Please get it all on the table now. She deserves to know the whole truth.

Have you ever read Joseph's Letter?

here was more to be tould yes, an today I sed the rest. I hurt my BS so bad and made her so unsafe inside she took off to her famileys to be safe inside for a bit. My family don't know anything that ever hapins to me in my life. my life with my family is a holl nother problem, But all is out now. I am a open book 1st time in my life. I now hope it will be a chance to R I am sitting and waiting to see if she is willing to give me that shot. If she don't ide understand thou. be my own falt.