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Strawda (original poster member #38766) posted at 4:10 AM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013
Ive now done a dd2 :( Ive now sed all I was hiden to my BS. An of a 2nd OW in the A. an all happind with her. I tell her I am faithfull thou since we bin R. But passd 3 mounths of R are tossd away now I did a dd2 :( I need to get some balls and own my shit. cuss I need my BS. she asks me How can it be so easy not to think or want to cheat again. an How do I know I love her and want her. It is hard to prove your self to someone you destroyd. I was down in the dirt couple days to seying Im lost and don't know what to do. But that's a lie I know I want and want to change and I want a life with my BS. How do you show you want your BS after a dd2 let lone all things you did? I have nothing to hide now. I am a fully open book. so that's a start. an next IC I have I will bring up my dd2 and try see how that gos. 
I make my self sick hurting the one Ive only ever loved and only one whos ever loved me and saw more in me 
?IDEAS ANYONE?
[This message edited by Strawda at 10:14 PM, April 6th (Saturday)]
27male 1kid, Lost 6year relationship(Wanting to Reconsile with BS)
ophelia24 ( member #38438) posted at 4:23 AM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013
It's good that you came clean, and also posting and reading on here is a really good step to figuring out the whys for why you thought it ok to have an affair, and having so little respect and care for yourself. That's a painful path right there, but worth it.
As everyone constantly points out here, you need to dig deep to make yourself safe, not just for your BS, but for you. It's the only way to make our changes sustainable, rather than just a surface level change because of guilt or wanting to save the relationship.
You gotta want real change and growth for yourself, so you can live an authentic life rooted in self respect, truth and integrity, not bullshit, that hurts others, and yourself.
Lots of work ahead for you, for us all.
“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
― James Baldwin
Card ( member #23667) posted at 4:27 AM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013
Start thinking about where you'll want to move to.
Because you had sex with the OW in you home, it will be a memory that may never be manageable for your wife.
Although we loved our home, We sold our home!
It had to many nightmares associated with it for my wife. My #1 job today, is to protect her and create new memories. Whatever it takes!
[This message edited by Card at 10:28 PM, April 6th (Saturday)]
WH (me)
BS (her)
D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007
"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!
Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin
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