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Notgwen (original poster new member #38838) posted at 10:38 PM on Saturday, April 13th, 2013
So I've been to a few doctors. I think I may be thinking more clearly now. Things have been quiet. I've been quiet.
Last week I asked him for the name of the girl and he LAUGHED in my face. It was this evil laugh that I have never seen in our 26 years together. All of the sudden something clicked. It was like someone said, "hello, he doesn't give a shit. Is he really worth being depressed and suicidal over?!"
The answer was clearly, "no."
So my therapist is helping me. And he is drinking at home which will help me make my decision.
He sucks.
Me: 44
WH: 50
D day 03.20.13
Married 25 years.
4 children; 6 between us
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 10:47 PM on Saturday, April 13th, 2013
I'm so sorry that he is being an obvious ass, but I am so thrilled for you that you are finding yourself in all of this.
That "aha" moment is really hard to get to sometimes, but it comes with a surge of strength that I'm so glad you've found.
Many of us contemplated ending things to stop the pain... it's heartbreakingly common in the beginning - having those thoughts. Once we pull ourselves out of it and realize that our self-worth is super important, it gets easier and easier to pull ourselves up.
You're doing great. I'm really sorry he isn't, but it sounds like you know that unhitching your wagon is going to be healthier at this point.
Sending hugs and support.
(((Notgwen)))
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Hurt2Deeply ( member #38317) posted at 11:22 PM on Saturday, April 13th, 2013
I'm glad you had that moment of clarity when you discovered how much you are worth and who he is. Hang in there.
Laughing in your face was evil. How horrible. You are right about him.
Me BS 57
Him FWH 60
M 35 years
3 Adult kids
R
callmecrazy ( member #38765) posted at 2:11 AM on Sunday, April 14th, 2013
He definitely sucks. If u end up in D and he happens to be sad...remember the laugh
simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 3:22 AM on Sunday, April 14th, 2013
Honey, there is no one on this planet worth taking your life for.
I'm sorry ge laughed in your face; however, I'm glad that because of that evil laugh you have found a new strength. Hold onto it, don't let it go. You will survive this, and you will be a stronger version of your already wonderful self
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 12:09 PM on Sunday, April 14th, 2013
I too remember that moment where I felt the shackles holding me to him fell away.
He thought nothing of having a 1:1 lunch with his 24 year old office gopher a mere 5 months after betraying me. It was to discuss her becoming his pseudo assistant.
Ironic and sad that at the time I trusted her taste more than his fidelity so didn't consider her a threat to my marriage at all. It was that he had the gall to behave this way during the roughest time of our False R.
I knew at that moment that he had been getting away with it for so much longer than I had suspected - he really did think he could get away with anything.
20 weeks after S he told me he was ready to introduce aforementioned office gopher to my 5 and 2.5 year olds as his girlfriend.
It stung like a motherfucker but today I am grateful for the important lesson. Listen to your gut. It will do everything to protect you even when you won't protect yourself.
((Notgwen)) It does make it all easier but its still excruciating when it happens. I'm so sorry friend.
[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 6:11 AM, April 14th (Sunday)]
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
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