SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Today I'm feeling really sad. WH walked out on Friday night and he doesn't want to reconcile. I've been crying all day today. The worst bit is that the one person I usually go to, is the one who isn't going to want to hear from me. I just want to be held by him, to talk with him.

There have been some big hurts for me today and my soulmate isn't here to share it with.

How do you cope when this happens? I know it's early days, but that doesn't help right now.

(((Fidelia)))

Go to the grocery store and get yourself some protein shakes. Force yourself to drink them. Find somebody who loves you (family, close friend, etc.) to talk to, to cry to, to be there for you. Eat. Drink. (but not alcohol!) Breathe.

You can do this.

Thank you.

No, no interest in alcohol. Seems like a different kind of slippery slope right now.

I'm feeling all conflicted. Wanting him back, but also reminding myself that he has caused me and our boys a lot of pain. And that he broke his own boundaries just before he left. Plus, although I'm in that cycle of grief, not having him around has lifted a lot of stress.

I have managed to start eating, though I have to remind myself to eat and drink.

I've had a lot of support over the weekend, but I feel like I don't want to wear people thin? My own family are quite a lot of hard work, so it's a gamble on how helpful they are on any given day.

But also, I know that if WH does decide that this is it, I need to be able to cope with days like this on my own. I was just wondering what others do when it's tough like this?

It took me months to even get to conflicted but in the first couple of days and weeks, I read a lot of books, walked the dogs like 5 times a day, compulsively cleaned the house and watched every episode of Top Gear on Netflix. Nothing like watching Jeremy Clarkson make an ass of himself when your life has just fallen apart.

We're all different. We all cope differently. The only advice I can really give you is to find a way to cope that isn't self-destructive. Make a point to do something nice for yourself every day. Do something nice for your children every day. Do something nice for a stranger every day. Just do things to remind you of how great you are and how much you have to offer the world. Your WH doesn't deserve that kind of awesome.

I took naps... I wasn't sleeping well at night but during the day somehow I could fall asleep for a couple hours. I found that if I slept 9Xs out of 10, I'd wake up with the mood diminished or gone.

Naps helped me too, when I had the time. I agree with making sure you're eating what you can, and drinking plenty, while staying away from alcohol. It may take some forcing, but getting out and doing something helps too, whether an outing with the kids, or going to the gym, walking a dog, anything like that. Giving myself permission to cry helped (and still helps) as well. Let the emotion out, rather than fighting to squash it. If you don't mind writing, journaling can sometimes bring some peace and clarity, another way of letting the feelings out. Some books suggest these come in the form of letters to your ex, which you of course never, never send, but it still allows you to "get out" what you want to say to him. This may also bring on the tears, but again, think of it as a release.

Post here.

The other thing, as other have said, is to make sure that you are being nice to yourself. Find something you enjoy doing, even a small thing. A relaxing bath? A light, but engaging novel? Then force yourself to set time aside to do these things.

I've been doing a lot of reading about the stages of grief and how to deal with it. I let myself cry when I need to. I let myself vent on here or talk to a trusted person when I need to. Napping is something I am also doing, I think because of the emotional exhaustion.

I exercised like a mad woman, I cleaned the house compulsively and I cried - a lot. I cried in the car on the way to and from work (45 minute drive). I cried in the shower. Sometimes I took the day off to lay in bed and cry all day. What a mess I was.

I took a kickboxing class and visualized XWH and OW at the end of every kick and punch. I upped my AD meds. I started therapy.

You will get through this.

Sending strength and peace.

NL