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knightsbff (original poster member #36853) posted at 10:22 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
Im looking for suggestions on what i can do to get a sense that I'm going somewhere or making progress in IC. I feel like I'm just floundering and I feel it's my responsibility to let IC know what I want.
I think I need a sense of direction or purpose for this work. I know a lot of you have brought written lists of questions, etc with you to IC. I have done this myself.
I'm having a tough time formulating a plan....or anything at all.
I guess I'm hoping someone else has btdt and can share something I can use to start my brain in the right direction. IC is tomorrow....
fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
UnexpectedSong ( member #21761) posted at 11:53 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
How long have you been with this IC? What does s/he say when you ask how you are doing? What about when you ask how much longer you need to be in IC? (I am not suggesting that you are done - just curious as to the answer.) What if you ask for a plan?
WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker
knightsbff (original poster member #36853) posted at 1:15 AM on Wednesday, May 1st, 2013
I have been with her since January. I have never asked any of those questions. I was going weekly at first then she said I could come less frequently.
I feel like the only progress I have made is that I'm starting to recognize that I'm really screwed up in my thinking. Most of the time I can't name how I'm feeling. At least now I know that isn't normal.
fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
UnexpectedSong ( member #21761) posted at 2:40 AM on Wednesday, May 1st, 2013
I tend to be very direct in what I want. With my first IC, I knew her style, so I left after 2 sessions. With my last IC, I would tell him to ask me a starter question. I would tell him when he wasn't helpful (sometimes he would do the man thing and fire off solution after solution when I just wanted an ear). I would challenge him on things (do you really say xyz to your wife?). I would tell him when I thought he was being fake. I would tell him when I had nothing to talk about.
Try asking for what you need. You may get what you want. If not, change. IC is too important to stay with one who doesn't work for you.
[This message edited by UnexpectedSong at 8:40 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]
WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker
Finally10 ( member #36900) posted at 8:00 PM on Wednesday, May 1st, 2013
Ditto to what the others have said, but I have a slightly different suggestion following my IC discussion yesterday.
MY IC recommended a self assessment program by a group called Identity and Destiny. There are a series of self assessment tests that help identify areas of strengths and weakness along with tools and recommended reading to address the identified weaknesses. The workbook from them is about $20. The program was developed as a business by a couple from a sister church to ours, so the program is somewhat spiritually based, but contains a lot of valuable tools even if you choose to minimize the spiritual component. I just ordered the book and haven't done much more than review their website - identityanddestiny.com - so I can't comment on the program very much, but my IC was very high on it so I thought I'd give it a look. Maybe it will help, maybe not but it is unlikely to hurt.
[This message edited by Finally10 at 2:01 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)]
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