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Sleepy312 (original poster member #38360) posted at 2:13 AM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
H left today for first business trip since D Day #2 about 5 weeks ago. He texted me before he left the office that he wished he was home already and missed me already.
He's never said anything like that before, and it just didn't sit well with me. Sometimes I feel like he's overcompensating for his royal fuck up, and sometimes I feel like he's still hiding something.
Also, he was texting me this morning that my new dresses looked nice. I went shopping yesterday because I have nothing to wear since I "look like a skeleton" according to H. He knows the insane weight loss is his fault because that's where D Day #2 started with me responding to him about breakfast that he was the reason I have no appetite.
How am I suppose to take these texts?
Me 46
Dh 44
Married 16...he forgot our anniversary a while ago among other things. Every birthday, holdiay, whatever is forever ruined.
Together 20 years
Two great kids.
He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother
isadora ( member #29130) posted at 2:30 AM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
Take for what they are - pretty words. Actions actions actions.
What is he doing to make you feel safe.
Me: BW Him: who cares
Divorced: 4/2015
2 DDs and 2DSs
Who knows how many affairs at this point
Multiple D-Days
I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.
housenotahome ( member #32423) posted at 2:32 AM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
You take them how ever you want to. You are not in a place where you can believe mere words and compliments do not sound genuine. All the ass kissing after dday is all well and good but he needs to back it up. Until he does, you will not be able to trust him. He has to accept that. Its going to take more than compliments and lots more time to make you feel better after a 2nd dday. Please take care of you. I know its hard.
Me BS
Him WS
Married 13 years together 17
DDay Mar.2011
Mistake-Going through a stop sign because you didn't see it.
Poor choice-You saw the stop sign and went through it anyway.
Sleepy312 (original poster member #38360) posted at 2:39 AM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
It's d day 2 for the same girl. I say girl because she was 23 at the time and idiot H denied all physical stuff until last month although I suspected it. He went out to lunch with her last year when he was in LA for work.
He thinks since its all in the past for him it should be for me also. It's not.
Me 46
Dh 44
Married 16...he forgot our anniversary a while ago among other things. Every birthday, holdiay, whatever is forever ruined.
Together 20 years
Two great kids.
He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother
housenotahome ( member #32423) posted at 3:28 AM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
His past is your present. Don't let him use the past card. This new info just knocked you back to DDay. That means you BOTH get to go back to the starting line on the road to recovery if you choose. That means he has to leave his arrogance in the trash where it belongs. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Me BS
Him WS
Married 13 years together 17
DDay Mar.2011
Mistake-Going through a stop sign because you didn't see it.
Poor choice-You saw the stop sign and went through it anyway.
Sleepy312 (original poster member #38360) posted at 5:14 AM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
Why do I feel like he is different? Is it because he is really intelligent ( yet common sense seems to escape him). Why do I not take the hard line with him?
At this point I feel like I don't really put up with shit yet I am totally getting walked on byte husband. Ugh. I'm clearly a mess.
Me 46
Dh 44
Married 16...he forgot our anniversary a while ago among other things. Every birthday, holdiay, whatever is forever ruined.
Together 20 years
Two great kids.
He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother
housenotahome ( member #32423) posted at 1:12 PM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
What he is doing has nothing to do with intelligence, just arrogance. He may have no common sense, but what concerns me more is lack of common decency. Be gentle with yourself. The harder you get knocked down, the harder it is to get back up. You've gotten back up before and you will do it again. You're frozen and not ready to make the choice to leave or stay. Don't be so hard on yourself. A lot of us are stuck. His actions do not reflect on you. They don't make you less of a person. Staying doesn't mean you condone his behavior. Please 180 for your sake. When done the right way, it doesn't make you mean, it strengthens you.
[This message edited by housenotahome at 7:14 AM, May 2nd (Thursday)]
Me BS
Him WS
Married 13 years together 17
DDay Mar.2011
Mistake-Going through a stop sign because you didn't see it.
Poor choice-You saw the stop sign and went through it anyway.
NeverAgain2013 ( member #38121) posted at 4:56 PM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
Meh..gratuitous complements are free and take very little effort to type into a phone keyboard and hit 'send.'
As another poster said, his ACTIONS are what matter, not his pretty, EMPTY words.
Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.
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